If You Only Knew—God, the One In Whom You Can Trust 

Hello Family, this is Geryl.  I hope that you have been enjoying this series on — If You Only Knew. 

I had been having difficulty finding something to talk about for this series.  Not because I didn’t have anything noteworthy to ever happened in my life —but rather because, as the years have passed, what I had always taken to be individual events, I am now beginning to see as parts of a very large — inter-connected — patchwork quilt. As such, I have found it difficult to talk about one event without connecting it to many others, and — we really don’t have time for all of that [smile].

In the past whenever I have set out to find a subject to write or talk about regarding the Lord and what he has done in my life, He has always directed me back to my journals.  I began journaling many years ago as (supposedly) as a daily conversation with the Lord.  Although, my conversations tend to be more like monologs as they are pretty much one-way… I talk, He listens.  In any case, He has taken me to a specific journal and specific entry that had exactly what I needed.  This time as I waited for His inspiration pointing me towards that One —journal entry — I waited, I tried and got nothing.  I finally pulled out a large stack of journals (since I complete one every few months, I have many) and I began going through them looking for something that I could use. I was amazed at how many things I had written about that I had completely forgotten.  But I came across two that I thought would be perfect.  I had a few other assignments to complete first—and had planned to come back to them.  —A few days later, I was ready.  Only, I had read so many journals by then that I could not find the ones that I thought were perfect.  Frustrated, I put everything down, closed my eyes, and said, “Lord, what is it that YOU want me to talk about?  This is about Your faithfulness — what do YOU want me to tell them??”  A few minutes later I sat up and looked at my stack of journals.  One stood out—but based on the date range,—I didn’t think that one would have anything significant.  But I still felt the draw, so I picked it up and opened it to a random page—in the middle.  You guessed it — it opened to one of the two entries that I had picked out several  days  prior.   

At that time I had graduated from Charis Bible School — and had agreed to help a fellow graduate with her vision to start a Healing Service at the school that met once each month on Friday evenings.  So, here it is, my journal entry.

Tuesday, April 23, 2018
5:45 AM

Good morning Dearest Father.  I love you with all of my heart and soul.  But my deepest love for You could not come close to Your love for me.  I know beyond a doubt that no matter what comes my way, nothing is a surprise to You and that “ You have already made provision (as in “pro-vision”).

On Friday night — at Healing Service,—I once again told some of the ladies about how I got to Charis.  I told about seeing 12:34 several times, several days in a row.  I told about how I mentioned to Yvonne that I believed You were— ordering my steps and how she said that it was as if You were only giving me one step at a time.  I remember thinking, “That has to be Holy Spirit” — I was certain that I was hearing Your voice through her.  At that point, I decided to go ahead and enroll in the school, but I also said, “Lord, I have no idea why I am going to Bible School, and I have no idea where I will get the funds. Please, Lord, make this my “place called there” [taken from 1Kings 17]. 

I went on to tell them that in Andrew’s opening, pre-recorded message to the students he said, “Most of you don’t know why you are here.”  I thought, well, that would be me.  He then said, “But, you have already done more than most, you have taken the first step”. Whoa, he said “step”, that got my attention. He continued, “But God is only going to give you one step at a time…”  (Now— wait a minute, that is what Yvonne said…) Andrew went on, “The Lord will only give you one step at a time because if he gave you all that he has planned, you would probably never go.  But, have no fear… This Is Your Place Called There.”  Well, you could have picked me up off the floor.  Andrew’s message completely confirmed that You had, in fact, led me as it spoke to every point that led me to Charis. 

Well, Lord, I still feel you leading and guiding me.  Sometimes I feel as though— I am very slow. But — I always feel as though You are right here, just like a doting Father, proud of every step — picking me up and dusting me off any time I fall.  Children don’t always say thank you when their father picks them up as they fall. They may cry, they may laugh, and they may give hugs and kisses — but they know that their father always has a protective eye out for their safety.

Thank You, Father, for loving me beyond measure!

Ever since Friday I have been meaning to tell You about my Awesome Father!!

We had Healing Night.  It was Good Friday and Jessica had planned to give a message and have Communion. I really didn’t remember that her message was to be on Communion.

She asked Florencia to sing (it was beautiful as always). Jeanette volunteered to talk about the offering that goes towards supporting the mission trip — she talk a bit about her mission trip and prayed over the offering.

I was asked to do a transition prayer, the welcome message, and announcements.  I had been trying to avoid too much planning regarding the prayer and allowing Holy Spirit to guide me (I always feel as though I can hear You until I get in front of a bunch of people and then I stumble…).

At about 4:00 pm on Friday, I “stumbled” across a story about a Passover Miracle.  It was about a group of Ugandan Jews under Idi Amin’s persecutions in the 1970’s. I told about how Jews (and Christians) were persecuted and forced to renounce Judaism.  Only 300 of the original 3000 [Ugandan Jews] stood fast until they were saved just at Passover.  It was as if they were experiencing a modern-day Exodus. I related this story to us — by saying that we often talk about how the Bible warns of coming persecutions of Christians, but Christians and Jews are already being persecuted for their faith every day.  But we know —that no matter what trials, tribulations or persecutions come our way, — Jesus suffered more.  He has already overcome the world.  I thanked You, Father, that even while we were sinners, You sent Your Son to die for us.  And [while] on the Cross, the temple veil was torn from top to bottom, forever removing all barriers between The Father and His children. 

Well, I thought I saw confused faces and, as usual, I wondered whether or not I had gotten my message across.  Then, as Jessica began to give her message on Communion, it occurred to me that the Jews didn’t believe in Christ.  Is that why I saw confused looks on their faces? Then Jessica’s message pulled it all together.  She talked about the first Passover, the unblemished lamb, the blood on the doorposts and the eating of the lamb.  She brought it forward to the sacrifice of  The Lamb of God.

I couldn’t believe it!  Once again, You coordinated what I said with what Jessica said. Neither of us knew anything about what the other was going to talk about.  I had found my message only a few hours before the meeting. I think if I had found it earlier and had time to think about it, I really believe I would have talked myself out of using it.

To top it off, after the service, Jessica asked me for a copy of the message.  She told me that she had to leave the room a couple of times during my talk but each time she came back she heard how the Passover Miracle story tied directly in to what she was going to talk about.  She said that smiled, point up to You and said, “You’re funny!”  So Awesome, Lord, thank you for loving us in this way!

After Jessica delivered her message, we had minsters pray for all who wanted prayer. 

There was a woman visitor whom I thought I had recognized from before but didn’t remember her name — until she started walking towards me for prayer.  I said,

“You are Emily, right?”  She responded , “Good memory!”  I answered, “Holy Spirit!”

Then I told her that I knew she had been seeing improvement in her cancer and  asked how she was doing?     She said that she also need prayer for her hearing

She said that [her hearing in] one ear was limited, and in the other it was almost nil. She said something about being called to a trip or some assignment by You.  I was stopped by her use of…. “I am afraid….”  Something about not being able to do what she was called to do.  Then she began naming all of the people in her family who had suffered hearing loss.

I said, first of all, we are cancelling all generational curses.  No more talk about all of the family with hearing loss.  Secondly, I said —that she would fulfill every purpose that You have for her life.  She made some reference to dying — not sure what she said.  But my response to that was, “If He calls you home, then you will go home.  But until then you will fulfill every purpose. His word will not go out and return void [taken from Isaiah 55:11]. He [also] said, “Those who have ears, let them hear”, in Jesus’ Name.  I spoke other words over her like, “His words are health to all your flesh.” And then She was struck by the Spirit as I prayed.

Father, I believe that You have begun a good work in her and that You will complete it, according to Your Word.  I pray that You continue to help me to convey Your messages to those whom You put before me.  I pray that You will open my spiritual ears to hear You better.  Father, I’m looking for signs and wonders; I’m looking for a great awakening, a great revival, in the Holy Name of Jesus.

A woman from Delaware, Maureen, came for prayer as well.  She came to visit her children for Easter. She heard about our Healing Night and came down. How Wonderful!  [it was more than a 2-hour drive].  She said that listens to Joseph Prince and takes Communion every day.  Father, I stand with Maureen for complete healing in every area of her body.  It seems that the enemy sends one attack after another, and she continues to stand.  She had little boils all over her body and was told they might be cancerous.  She spoke against those and listened to healing scriptures all the time.

Father, I thank you that You love Maureen and want her well.  I pray that the resurrecting power of the blood of Jesus courses through her veins, cleansing her of all inequities and healing her of all diseases

Father, You said to ask You for the impossible today.  Father, there is NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE with You.  ALL things ARE possible.  I pray that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.  I pray that when we have done all that we can to stand, we STAND!!! You have promised never to leave nor forsake us, You said Your Words are life unto all of our flesh.  You said to say to the mountain, “Be thou removed.” If we believe in our hearts, it will be removed .  Father, please help our unbelief!

Through the stripes and the blood of Jesus, All Things are Made New.  Thank you that what You do allow, we will conquer with Your grace — Your grace IS sufficient.

Lord, we stand firmly on the Rock,
thank you for pulling us from the mirey pit.
Thank You for Your Promises the endure for eternity
Thank you for Your grace
Thank you for Your mercy
Thank you for Your favor
Thank You for Your Love that knows no bounds

Thank You Father
Thank you Jesus,
Thank you Holy Spirit!

That was the end of my journal entry for that day.  While I don’t typically have the back-and-forth conversations with Jesus as many others have —even though my conversations tend to be one-way, monologs —he does manage to get answers to me in other ways.  I am always amazed at what I find when I go back through my journals. I always find that He has been ever faithful, always —The One In Whom I Can Trust…If we only knew……


“Where is your home, dear?”

May 16, 2022

Months ago, I applied for US Visa so I can go back to America eventually, but I had to wait for a date to be available for my interview at the Embassy in my citizenship country. And upon getting a date finally, and after paying the fees, some thoughts began to run in my mind for some days about the “what if’s” concerning my departure to my country and the situations which might arise with family; what will happen, how it will happen, how will I respond, etc. Which obviously tires the mind and the soul. I spoke with my parents after their Easter guests left and Dad approached and asked me how our Easter— our Passover was today, and he came to know that those with me did not celebrate it today, but rather celebrated a feast called “Divine Mercy Sunday”.

A little background, my family and I being of the Orthodox background, our Easter is celebrated one week later, after the one on the Catholic calendar.

So as I told him, he listened silently but I could feel some of the thoughts he had while looking at his eyes. He then made a comment, and I saw he had some questions about my Walk, he had questions about the roots of the Heartdwellers.

I had previously found myself longing to visit my family and to play a bit with my little 2-year-old niece but debating with myself between the going points and the not-going points. So fear and longing were pulling the cord back and forth, and the slight clashing with dad’s gaze made me not wish to go there anymore. For I suspect questions would come about this Walk I chose. [I might be wrong anyway.]

Dad went to take care of his things while Mom and I proceeded to continue with our chat as she had finished sorting out the dishes. And at one point, the question was made if I am coming there for the Embassy or for staying with them. And I told her, “For the Embassy and for visiting you, guys. But like I said before, I won’t be there for the staying as I was before with you.”

She then said, “You seem as though you are coming here as if a stranger.” Asking, “Where is your home, dear?”

“Good question,” I replied. “By far I have three.” I tried to make up something reasonable, referring myself to three basic places; the Mountain in Taos, the apartment in Portugal with them, and the house in our village in Moldova. But this set me unto thinking, “I don’t seem to have a place I can call home anymore.” Having been on travels for a while, switching from place to place – even if I were to stay mostly at the Mountain, I do not stay there set, I will be moved somewhere else eventually. If I go to Portugal, the point is not to settle in that apartment either for I will be moved eventually. If I were to go to my village, it would be the same would be there. If I go to Ghana, even that place is not a set place to settle. Eventually, the Lord moves you.

The following morning, I had a glooming sadness over me about my father’s gaze and look, about my own inclination and battle to detach myself from family and not to be moved by them. I remembered the Lord’s words,

“Foxes have dens, birds have nests,
but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.”

Understanding that the “no place to lay his head,” meant he had no fixed place to call his home or to settle. He was always on the move then, from place to place.

And also being reminded, “My kingdom is not of this world.” “Where I am, you too shall be.”

I then pondered how a woman is to leave the nest of her family—of her father’s roof—and go under the wing and shelter of her spouse. Where the home of the husband is, there is her home too. That “A man is to leave his parents and join his wife.” Or vice versa.

Jesus has taken me from under my father’s roof, no longer in the family’s nest. I cannot call a place ‘my home’ here on earth because, although I am indeed given a place to stay — they are temporary. I am a temporary visitor to these homes. He takes one out of the family’s roof and prepares a place for him/her near Him. And where is His home? “Not of this world”. That is why one feels like a pilgrim and a wanderer on earth. One sent on a mission is not in his homeland, but is in a foreign land, where he is to carry out his mission from place to place if it is needed.

But I can hear it in my spirit, Him saying, “I have taken you out of your father’s house and brought you into Mine. Where I am, there you are. Where My home is, there is yours.”

Therefore, whatever place we are to go, whatever house is giving us hospitality, whatever country – it is not a settled home. Not even those who have long lives in their apartment, or homes, cannot call those places their true home, for they, too, are here on earth for a temporary visit.

Truly, as He says, “My Kingdom is not of this world”, He is up in Heaven, there is where one’s settled home is. A place prepared by Him. Near Him.

In the end, concerning going or not going to Portugal, being near family or not, I tell Him; “I do not wish one thing to another. Whatever the Good Lord chooses for me, that is what I want.” Detaching myself.

It’s interesting to point out the Rhemas I got later on. They said:

“Abandon yourself to the love of God. Trust in its guidance. Let it be your life, your all, and try to do everything out of love.”

“Pray for your children” [Mother-Souls topic]

“Will you be? Eyes to the blind, feet to the lame. A mother/father to the needy. Will you break the fangs of the wickedand snatch the victim from their teeth?” – JOB 29: 15-17

“There will always be demons to inspire dissatisfaction with some family members when you don’t bow down to their demands. Are you willing to face them off and lose their affection for My sake? Obedience is not something you give to everyone. You are never under any obligation to obey something when it violates your conscience or the Gospels. For this, great discrimination [differentiation] is needed.” – JESUS

God bless you all. May you all be strong in the Lord and look forward to your home in heaven. Amen.


The Only Fear You Should Have

One of the fears that often hits people, is fear of man. Their thoughts, their opinions, their judgment, their rebukes, etc.  One hit me today about being seen by strangers with my priestly stole on. I had ended the Lord’s Supper and unknown to me, I was still wearing it, moving around to get a contained to soak and wash the pyx. The curtain was down to allow much light to come in, when suddenly I perceive a car passing by and a woman with her head visible near our balcony, looking in another direction. In an instant breath, there was this skip in me with a fear of being seen with it by others, But this time I did not run to hide in a rash impulse. Rather I took it out and put it in its place, controlling myself. As I place it inside, I sense a voice in my thoughts telling me simultaneously, “Aim only at this; to live in the Fear of the Lord, not of fear of men. Let that be your only Fear.” Sensing it is my guardian angel. I then went to get my daily rhemas and one of them made me laugh hard. It said:

“Don’t fear, trust God and Mother. She is the Mother of the House and no gates of hell prevail over this mother ;)” – Signed off with the name of my Guardian Angel.

I laughed instantly. “There’s the confirmation for you, Therese!” I said to myself over the word he told me seconds ago. 

So, the only fear I should have is the fear of the Lord, not men, not of suffering, etc. 

He then added more,

“And the fear of the Lord comes by doing His will, keeping His words at heart. Acting as He says.” Meaning, ‘don’t fear man’. “Whatever God says, keep it close to heart and put it into action. Be it being at peace; be it not fearing man’s opinions; be it not worrying about future outcomes; be it accepting yourself as you are. Whatever He says and tells you to do and take to heart, that cultivates the fear of the Lord. For in obeying Him, love for Him grows, and in Loving God, all these rest fears dissipate and lose their grip on you. So, love the Lord, and keep your eyes and mind on Him. We can do it! I am here to help you walk through it. Just stay strong and do not yield to discouragement when there should be a fall due to weakness. This is a work in progress, it will take time as we go onward. But as you know with each step there is progress and growth, even if it doesn’t look like it. 

“Trust God! He will deliver you from all fear and set you firm in Fearing Him alone.” 

Amen! Thank you, Tallen!

“He that fears the Lord, has lost the fear of the world.” He concluded.

When Fear Strikes Again

May 13, 2022

Hello, dear ones. May the Lord bless you all and keep you close to His heart.

After receiving Him in the Lord’s Supper, He spoke gently, “Come with Me. Stay here… Rest a little bit. It’s been a while since we spoke.” I then went to sit on the kitchen floor and listen, leaning. He continued, “I am with you in all of this until the end of the earth. Don’t fear coming close to Me, I wait for you with open arms.

And here I reasoned, don’t I do this?

“You do, but scarcely compared to how much I want you to be close to Me, in spirit and in truth.”

“So, how do I do that?” I asked.

“Sing to Me aloud and train your voice to praise and honor Me in the freedom of a child. You don’t have to be perfect and strive for high notes, your heart’s intention says it all. Though it is good and pleasant to have the tone develop, the heart is the one that sings.”

I had been caught up one morning singing in tongues, humming, and at times allowing myself to be taken up and release myself to sing. So, He was mentioning that. To allow myself to do it continually.

Jesus continued, “I have taken you unto Myself and I do not relinquish you for one instance. My love for you is not feeble and temporary, it is a strong tower and lasts forever. Strong winds and torrents cannot bring it down! You abide in it, and I AM strong to save and protect. No hand rises against it and prevails.” [111pm]

And after a moment of quiet pause, my thoughts went on, thinking of a walk I have had with a sister near a river, with people there. Having been assaulted with fears and scruples along the way back. I brought it up to Jesus, asking Him, once again.

“…Do I know how to love, Jesus?”

He answered, “I teach you the way to go and walk in it. You fear too much to displease Me that it robs you of much tranquility and peace. I don’t torment a soul with a plaguing statement that she has failed to love again in these or that. You will be surprised when you reach and come to Heaven of the many times you DID show love. Your concern to “show” love is what troubles My heart because it troubles yours, and at times deviates/departs you from Me due to the guilt that follows.”

And fearing the day in Heaven when I have to stand before Him, after a brief pause as my thoughts kept going, I hear in a calm inquiry; “How do you define love?” I was asked. And I answered:

Not failing… Moving when a soul needs you. Giving, and not restraining. Refusing to criticize and judge. Honoring others above oneself and thus rebuking downgrading a sister or a brother. You can say that the day when I freely approach people would be a day where I would say, “Now I have learned to love people.” It’s just my weakness and I fear I fail You every time if I do not approach someone as my thought tell me.

Jesus answered, “Hmm. You should follow the example of Mother Elisha and put it to rest. I will take it from there.”

And the example Mother Elisha told me one day, when I struggled and I shared this with her, she told me that before I go out anywhere, to say to the Holy Spirit: “Holy Spirit, anoint me to draw people that You want me to bless.” If they approach me and speak or say something to me and get interactions – then that’s a sign that He wants me to pray for them, or to bless them with a prayer, or who knows. But if nobody approaches me, then to just be at peace and pray for them quietly.

And I said to Jesus:
I just feel I’m not doing enough for You…”

“Allow Me to purify you and strengthen this part.”

“As You will it, Lord. I’m just afraid that I resist You ….”

“And you are, at some points. But I take them and use it even then for something good. I shall purify all parts of you and make you whole, but not without a struggle in the long run as you know. Every little bit of step is met with trials and tests because due to them there is growth. So, continue to cast yourself at My care and trust in My merciful love that saves you even from yourself. Trust in Me more fully, and you will see the work I am doing.

“I love you. Do not be dismayed. Your poverty in this area only means you need Me even more, and continually. That is a good position to be because like that I will be your source of all your needs. My vessels unto honor have to be emptied so I can fill. The emptier and poorer you are, the more glory and joy for Me, because I then can fully immerse Myself in this vessel and consume it wholly with Myself. This requires trust and confidence, so the little vessel won’t allow itself to crack because of the depression of being naturally empty. It stays strong because it has confidence in the one who fills her wholly. Be likewise. Continue to depend on Me and My Mother’s love and care. She has you prepared in the long run for Me. She will take good care of you, especially in your most weakest parts. Have trust and confidence and do not beat yourself down.”

Then Mother Mary says,

“Bear the cross with quiet surrender and dwell on my Son’s goodness for you, the rest will follow up. Being so poor in spirit is not a bad thing, as you see it, it is a source of joy for He becomes your all.

“You have entrusted all to me, so, therefore, do not fear. In a quiet spirit and peace of conscience follow after me. Learn of your little Mother [she means herself], and she will flock you nearer and nearer to the Shepherd. There you will learn of Him as He is meek and gentle in spirit. My Spirit fills you in, and He is not restrained as you deem it to be. [She mentions the Holy Spirit]. He moves freely and about you though you perceive it not. All in all, have confidence in God. All things will turn out well in the end. Bear the cross with me and let us stay near Him. Not forsaking Him even if weakness is seen.” Mother concluded.

And here I deviated, thinking the message had ended. I went to do something else – to move on. But the Lord kept telling me through the Bible Promise book, He wanted to say something else. So, I came back to continue to type.

Jesus continued,

“I want you to go about loving people in the power and the strength of My Spirit. It doesn’t require much extravagant actions and deeds, simply do them as they are given to you. Every little thing done out of love is a great thing on My scale. At times I will ask you to step out and do more, but that should not prevent you from loving as you should on daily things”.

“Seems I am reasoning with it, Lord, as if trying not to hear You calling me out for more of it. As if the door-to-door type of action.”

“You fear the failure and the weakness you find yourself in when called to step out.” “Oh Lord this is a sensitive topic— I, I.. I seem to be afraid to hear about it…!

“I understand, but I am trying to bring you out of this den of fears. True love casts out all fear, and I want you to be free from this, free to love. You are held in bondage by a demon of fear, and I want to break it. But I need you to cooperate with Me and not run from Me. I know shame grips you tightly when you see how weak you are and cannot show love. That is one area they get the most of you, it fuels them to further cripple you and break the forward movement.” [As if breaking my legs]. “Fear of men runs deep.”

“This just show indeed I am weak in love.”

“Oh dear child of Mine, I do not forsake or condemn you! You need to let up and allow Me the reign of life. Try this: think of Me every time you slip up. Not in shame, not in fear, but think of Me.

“I would run in a corner and weep…I don’t know Lord…this is just…sad!”

“I can make you stronger! Let me be strong in you! Relinquish those thoughts to Me and just love as the day brings you.”

“Eventually, I fear the day, anxious it will bring me to the door of my neighbor…..”

“Be courageous! Be courageous! Don’t yield to fear. It will keep on growing. Fight it with trust in Me, fight it with surrender about your weakness, fight it with the acknowledgment that yes, you cannot do it, but I can and I will! Fight fear by living in the moment and not allowing it to trouble your heart and mind about the future! I fight for you!! And the battle WILL be won, for I am with you.

“Much of the battle in the mind. What you are made to believe. That is why I say, ‘do not think of your life the same way as you did before you were saved. The way you used to think has to be canceled.’ You can do it! Take captive every negative thought and submit it to the truth of My Word! What I tell you IS the truth. Train your mind to further let go of them and dwell on Me.

“Take captive every thought. Let’s take the pest out of it!”

And here, I had discerned again about the message, and got “Holy Spirit”. However, it turns out He wanted to say more. And I came back and just listened a bit more.

Jesus continued.

“Consecrate your heart to My foster-father, Joseph. As you are doing this consecration to him, entrust your heart and all of this to him to pray for, to intercede, and to aid you with it. Expect him to help you to overcome the issues you constantly feel about the plaguing fear of “not loving.” He will see to it to bring a change according to My will. Pray for it. Ask him to assist you in this walk, in loving as one ought to love. He is a Father to you and a child of his he does not forsake.

“If you wish to grow in the ministry of healing and touching people with My healing power, you begin and start it little. Ask for boldness, faith and courage to move, and My Spirit will move you in HIS STRENGHT. You are weak but I see what I can do through you. Begin little. Constantly asking Me, My Mother, and those I entrusted you to – ask their assistance as you did before, and then wait on Me to bring about the opportunity and the winds of the Spirit will flow.

“Know what fear is conquered by facing it and doing what you fear to do. I have anointing in store for you and wish to manifest Myself to others that I love and reach out to them.”

And I was thinking how at times one prays but… nothing? And Jesus answered that thought.

“You pray in faith. Even if at the moment before your eyes there would be no sign of visible healing, know that I take in consideration—your prayer—and I follow up with results. It might not be before your eyes at times, but I do it, for I am faithful. I always use the prayers of my people and move, for I languish about in longing to touch them and answer a prayer offered up to me for the good of a person.

“Therefore, start little. Start with Me, in Me, I will do it through you. Don’t run in shame and fear afterward. Stand strong! Trusting that I am not deaf and stilled.

“Little steps of faith will bring you the freedom. Both to you and those around you. Have faith in the God who does not fail. Have unbounding faith!”

“Is there something else you wish to add, Jesus?”

“I will grant you opportunities, and when it comes—do not fear, do not yield to fear. I will strengthen you! In weakness, My power is perfected. And you are a perfect vessel for Me to show My power. Now go in faith! A little one to bring in the good news of My Kingdom on Earth. God is with you.”

And then the final discernment I got about this whole message was again “Holy Spirit”. It’s a good confirmation. Therefore, may the Lord grant us all His strength, His faith— booouundless heroic faith that is put into Action!

AND AS A LITTLE PRAISE REPORT: I had prayed for healing over a neck and the pain went away, an upper disc strengthened. In another situation, I laid hands on a Sister who was struggling with eyes burning, and ear pressure for 10 years for some unknown reason. In this case, the Lord and Momma took the prayer and the next day disclosed why the ear pressure, like the cause of it. The Sister now knows and is to go and take care of her weight. A doctor disclosed to her that it is due to her being underweight. And her eyes were due to them being dry, she got the needed drops. Praise God! He answers, one way or another!

If You Only Knew—God, The One You Can Count On

May 11, 2022

I have heard the angels’ praise and worship are beyond fathomed imagination. In such harmony and pristine perfection. The cherubim, the seraphim, and the Elders all around Him unceasingly praising Him for His goodness and faithfulness. For all eternity they can do this and not tire, they always find something new to praise Him for. The Creation worships and bows down in loving submission to His variety of manifested love. And here I am , here you are— our little praise up to God that His heart skip beats and enflames His love even more. A soul on earth gets to worship God in a new way and form. It lived in darkness, it lived in weakness, in poverty of spirit and in need of Him to make its heart beat continuously.

This is something the angels and those above, do not quietly live in—being in weakness and darkness. He would stoop down to the lowliest of places to snatch the soul from the depths of death. A soul that experienced His faithfulness has a love towards Him, different, yet His heart. Your praise and gaze make his heart skip beats, though little you are, though weak and feeble. He adores you with such eyes, that you would not mind gazing at them for all eternity. Pools of love are washing over you.

My frail little soul He birthed and sent on Earth with a faithful promise of life and love in His embrace. His eyes watched over my heartbeats, counting my breaths, sustaining my tiny newborn body in a world clothed in evil. Every step and laugh he counted and treasured. Up in Heaven, you can say He has a library full of Albums of His children, recording those memories and moments of tenderness on Earth. Every need He provided, for this is His child He has adopted, with the price of His own Son and blood.

Faithfully staying near and not abandoning me when I fell in sin, into darkness and blindness. His mercy He did not withhold. His care remained. He stayed with me, while I ran after sin. He did not deal with me according to the measure of my sins. Allowing only a certain amount to discipline me, but never too much of what I cannot bear, though I did deserve it all the more. Time and times again I could’ve been wiped out of existence, He could have left me in my sins, in my fallen flesh, in my pride and misery unending. But He stayed. He kept me and did not take His breath out of my lungs. In error, He brought light to my thoughts, speaking, even though did not recognize his voice.

Every day of my life He has proved Himself faithful. Fully worthy to be trusted. Every morning I awake is a mark of His faithfulness to the promise of Life I was given at the moment of conception. Every moment I go to bed is a faithful reminder. HE HAS KEPT ME ALIVE through one more day in these oppressive times. Every scar is a reminded of His protection, I am still alive am I not?

Countless times He repeats Himself to me, “Believe in Me! Trust in Me.” Mankind has committed many atrocities and crimes, and the only thing He says is, “Return to Me. Rest here near Me and believe that I love you.” Who would say such a thing to a criminal than the God of faithful love?

My soul and yours, we run from Him due to sin, to wounds, to scars too deep, unworthiness settles in too. But here He is running after me, following the track of my footsteps and once He finds me, He follows every second. Being asked, “Why do you keep on following me?” He answers, “Because I want to forgive you. I am waiting for you to let Me forgive you!” Normally one would say abruptly, “Beg for it!!” But this Faithful God begs you, “Let Me forgive you!! All you have to do is say it honestly!” and in split seconds the sin is no more, the stench tormenting the soul is wiped clean.

When I reject myself, he calls me His own. When I run away from Him due to having failed to love, He runs after me to wipe away my tears. When I beat myself down for my misery, He lifts up my chin, embraces me as His own possession for all eternity, affirming His mercy and pleading [with] me to trust Him, to take Him by His word when He says, “You are loved! You are accepted by Me.” When fear prevails and assaults my soul, His Spirit calms my troubled conscience, yet again assuming His love and Faithfulness – worthy of fully being trusted. When confusion and hatred assail me, not understanding the evil in the world, His words speak wisdom and trust. Protection, faithful care, and love come day and night. For I still breathe and live in the midst of this fallen world with ravenous beasts at every corner and hill.

Nobody is worthy of His love, but He gives it fully away.

Nobody is right enough to stand before Him, but He gives you His own righteousness just to have you come.

Everybody is sick with sin. But He supplies the remedy and the medicine—His own blood, the blood of His own Son, One with Him. What master has ever subjected himself to pay the huge debt of a slave with his own life and blood?

If you only Knew…

Faithful to keep you safe. Loves without fail. Mercy without a bottom end. Fully worthy to place your trust in. Faithful to give a shoulder and hold your tears. Faithful to provide and love. To enrich you with His love and Kingdom. Walk with you through the valleys of the shadow of death. Grants strength in the face of temptation and defeats the enemy.

If you only knew…God has won your wars for you.

All you have to do is come to know Him as He knows you — holding Him as He holds you — Trusting Him, the only one fully worthy to the trusted in all things seen or unseen. His eyes and ears faithfully hear the beats of the heart and its desires of your heart, so much so that a second’s thought does not escape His attention. He caught it, held fast to it, and breathed life into those dreams.

If you were to sit down and read the Book of Your Life, unending pages would tell you of how faithful He has been throughout your life, at every heartbeat. His Faithful promise to you, “With Me, you shall live!”

He takes my weak points and turns them into strong points. “And I will use them!” He says, “If you are a frail little caterpillar, crawling from leaf to leaf, I take you and transfigure you to fly from flower to flower.”

He is Faith-full. Come — know Him — the One you can count on…..


If You Only Knew God, the Life-Giver

May 9, 2022

I was like a box. A box that had the ability to hold things inside. A box that was void of any substance. A box that was considered, nothing. Being in the world, this poor and insignificant box had a chance to hold valuable things inside. It was tossed here and there in the winds of this world, trouble. Little by little, this little insignificant box was being filled up with filth as the days went by. It had moments of bad choices that led to it being very ugly on the inside, though it appeared clean on the outside, filled with rubble, dirt, and debris. Oh how deceiving this little box was, that looked so well on the outside but hid the filth that was hidden deep within.

Now that time has passed, this little box is filled to the brim with ugly things, unfit to keep but deserving to be thrown in the trash. But someone came and saw this little box and had pity on it. They removed all the dirt, all the rubble, and all the debris from this box until it was clean and new again. They thought it so fitting to hold treasure inside this little insignificant box. This treasure was the treasure of all treasures, that was placed in this box. Now the box has so much joy because of the kindness of the One who decided to make this box valuable with this precious treasure inside.

That treasure is Jesus Christ!

I’m the one that was filled with all kinds of sins that I became so ugly on the inside. I hid my ugliness from others out of my guilt and shame of judgment. Pride, boasting, lust, selfishness, greed, immorality, impurity, envy, jealousy, gossip, and other sins. I was dead in sin, going to one place. But how merciful is the One that looked upon me with compassion? He wiped away my past account of sinful deeds and made me new in His son Jesus, the help of our precious heavenly Father. It is true in the scripture that said, “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life” John 3:16.

That life is in Jesus Christ. He is my Life-giver.

My Beloved Jesus provides me so much life just by the eucharistic sacrament, also known as communion service or the Lord’s Supper. Jesus’ body and blood strengthen me from my past failures. I believe in my heart that He provides me with life that no one else can give. I trust Him completely to fill me up to where I am lacking in becoming like Him. He says, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.” John 6:53. Jesus also said, “ For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself.” John 5:26.

Not only does Jesus give life in the Eucharistic sacrament, but He also gives me life in a vibrant relationship with Him. In our daily dialogues together, He reminds me of who I am, and He picks me back up on my feet when I’m feeling down. Jesus is so in tune to my every thought, emotion, and word until we are one. When I tell you our Jesus has some humor, I mean it! I love to talk to Him. He is like a best friend that’s with you wherever you go. I tell you truly if He wants me to laugh when I am inwardly aching, He has a way of laughing through me so that I won’t feel sad. The joy of the Lord is truly my strength because He is joyful from within me. He can speak through me in times of need and in different circumstances. We take walks together to fulfill what He would want to do in and through me. It is so life-giving to have that type of relationship. How precious is he! To me, it’s like a missing puzzle piece that God wants to feel in us because we were made for Him and by Him for His good pleasure.

Oh, how I want you all to experience this life-giving God. So kind, so compassionate, so merciful, so caring, so powerful, so wonderful is He! Let us stay connected to the life-giver himself for we are nothing without him. I will end with this final word from the Bible, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

God bless you, family!


If You Only Knew — God, the One You Can Approach, Part 2

May 6, 2022

When the time came, my mother pressured me to go for that burial, she actually told me, “ A good friendship is known at [a] time like this. How can you fail to show up to support your friend at his time, can you prepare and go?” This was a day before the burial so since I never learned how to argue, I prepared, stiff-necked, and so much unwilling with the feeling that I looked ugly with sunburns and not beautiful. I therefore prepared and left [for] her place. They then lived in town, so I needed to leave earlier before the actual day. The day I arrived, I found they had a meeting in a certain hotel for the final contribution for the burial, so her brothers-in-law were present. I knew no one apart from her and the husband. I was not used to spending [the] night outside [the] home so I was not really comfortable with the unknown people around me. As usual, I was ever quiet and never said anything unless I was asked. The following day we went for the burial and when everything was over, I opted to travel back home but she requested me to remain with her till the next day. I would have accepted her request, but I was afraid of the environment where I was new and didn’t know what these people liked or disliked. Hence the cause of my discomfort around them. But I gave an excuse that my mother asked me to arrive on the same day because she had somewhere to go the following day.

Then when they knew I was leaving, one brother asked to escort me. I hesitated because with my sunburns I didn’t think I would deserve his escort. I was still naive and didn’t know what I could talk with him [about] or maybe answer him if he asked anything as we moved on. I opted to hire a motorbike instead and leave. He seemed to be not comfortable with my decision and so he asked me if he would pay on my behalf the transport fee. But I told him no, I was not secure since I had not met him before or the family before so to me it was like I was a stranger in their family. So my friend later told me that the brother-in-law asked her so much about me and he wished to have my phone number. I asked her not to share it with anyone. Needless to say, she told them — the brothers-in-law now) that she is joining a convent soon so they should dare not think of anything. But this brother maneuvered until he reached me. My friend later told me that he asked the elder brother, her husband, who took my number from her phone and asked me to meet him, but I didn’t want to say yes or no. The first time he traveled all the way from the capital city to our local market. I failed to show up and he went back frustrated. In my mind, I was saying I cannot date a Protestant because I won’t be able to proceed with the Sacraments of the Catholic Church. If I marry a Protestant I won’t be able to go for confession, I won’t be able to go for Eucharist; I won’t be able to do all the things I have been doing in the church. And, by then, I was under the movement of the Blessed Virgin Mary so I knew all these things I would stop, and I wouldn’t get the blessings of the priests as I live for marriage life. After a long tug of war with him, I finally decided to meet him, and my main objective was to study him and quit. After meeting him four times, I realized he was a good man with a big heart to persevere things and on the fifth meeting, he asked me to meet his elder brother and wife. Still, my prayer to GOD was please give me the right husband if this is your will for me. After all that, we finally agreed to involve the parents, and the journey to marriage began — to be married to the same protestant guy I once never wished to meet. But when God decides, He decides alone and in His own way. So, since there was a process for marriage between a Catholic and a Protestant, he agreed to follow the process needed for two faiths to marry. We went all to the office of the parish priest, to the bishop and all went well. I loved him [more] than I ever imagined, and our union was awesome. It was a very beautiful wedding and even today he is the love of my heart and I honor him as Christ honors His Church.

Now, a true Christian must meet ups and downs. After our wedding, my first pregnancy [after] three months, shed and I miscarried. I was lost deep in despair and frustrations, and I couldn’t find real comfort from him or my mother. I always tucked my face under pillows and cried and cried to God for help. I remember telling God I only want my child back and not another one but the one I have, I underwent severe pains to lose. No one could console me enough by then. Even my sister-in-law. I once again reduced in shape due to stress and [many] thoughts I had by then. That struck my mother so hard as well, as her “girl” kept on suffering yet. Everyone knew I was “Mama’s girl”. Seeing her that way worsened my situation and I needed to be counseled. I could not get it right losing the first pregnancy but with time I got to accept it all and embraced the will of God on the same. As some people are so eager to calculate for others after [the] wedding, they calculated amiss because they couldn’t figure out the answers they got. They could see me three, four, five months, or six and they couldn’t see any promising weather (that is the pregnancy they were looking for). So according to their calculation, they were calculating that the wedding was this month, she is now supposed to be having a pregnancy of two, three, four, or five months. So they talked and talked and talked that she is unable to carry pregnancy—something that struck me afresh once again. This reminded me of the child I lost — that if this child were inside my womb these people wouldn’t talk. I had no one to tell my frustrations to if not God. He is actually the giver of life and as new couples and so green to the marriage life, one can be frustrated easily. They could tell my husband even, “The clothes she came with from her mother’s places are the ones to wear even now, why don’t you buy new ones for her?” By this, they meant that I still remained the same as I was in my mother’s place when I am supposed to be pregnant and nowin marriage. These again tore my heart into pieces. I could really pity my husband because he couldn’t answer that. I witnessed him once drying his tears and I felt like I had no need to live anymore if I would be just getting pregnant and having miscarriages. And I could not see him suffer such words from people outside there. I think they were asking him some because they were not aware of the miscarriage and according to the doctor, we were to take at least a six- month healing process after a miscarriage before we try another pregnancy. My husband is an electrical engineer, and I remember this time he was sent by the company for two weeks to install their machines far away from the city where we lived. I spend the two weeks in tears and in prayer, I decided to sleep on the floor and asked God to take away this shame from me. I ever used that time to go to Adoration whenever I could at the nearby church. Although my husband was a Protestant, he never fought my Catholic faith. He embraced it even to date.

That church had a beautiful chapel, and I remember the first time I entered there I failed to contain my tears and was unable to hold them back. I cried until I was satisfied, and I felt like I disturbed those who came to speak to Jesus there. But, to my surprise, no one left the chapel left the chapel or confronted me to keep quiet. I had no other alternative than to empty my broken heart to Jesus at that moment. I did the same for the two weeks when he was away — that is to go to Adoration, and I tried to hide it all from everyone even those who blasted my husband. I loved to pray the prayer of St. Simon Stock, the prayer that was given to him by the Blessed Virgin Mary of Mt. Carmel about the Brown Scapular. I decided to have a Novena of the same prayer and I always asked Blessed Virgin Mary to bless me with a child, like the one she holds on her lap. That is that picture of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel where she holds the scapular. She holds her Son. and they are giving a scapular to St. Simon Stock. After two weeks, my husband came back. After a few weeks, I experienced dizziness at work. I thought it was all about the stress I had over conceiving. Some asked me to check my hemoglobin for it may be so low therefore causing the same. I even remember I fainted once at the workplace. I never had time to eat, even in the house, and when I tried to, I really forced it because I had no appetite at all. When it became worse I had to go for a thorough checkup where the doctor said I was pregnant. In my mind, I never thought I would be pregnant. I never had an idea of becoming pregnant even because I knew, maybe, always it would be a miscarriage, miscarriage, miscarriage. That was after a month, and I couldn’t trace when I became pregnant. Even during my clinics one day, the doctors and nurses used to ask about the gestation period. I always guessed and they wondered how come you don’t know. But even now I can faithfully say I really don’t know, I really don’t remember when it happened. It was true, I didn’t know. So I was given a wrong due date by nurses because of the wrong information on the gestation.

Immediately [when] I realized I was pregnant, I went back to Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and I told Her, “My Mother, thank you for praying for me. At this time I was still in tears. I couldn’t imagine that my prayers had reached God. I beg you for a favor, pray for me to God, to put in my womb a baby boy, so bouncing like the one you hold on your lap. I would like him to have Eritrean hair like mine, a left-handed boy and with a big space between his teeth, as I always admired such—and energetic. Also, the boy who will grow to be an obedient boy, who will serve God in His Holy place when He grows up as a priest, and who will have a special call like Padre Pio.

But this pregnancy threatened to miscarry at three months. I remember that morning I just woke up bleeding heavily. I was so heartbroken that all the joy I had turned into tears once again. We had to rush to the hospital with my husband where a gynecologist was attending me, and she confirmed that there was a serious danger. He took some tests and asked me to have bed rest until nine months.

When the time came to give birth, I didn’t know what were the signs of labor, so I began feeling unusual. Even the favorite food I had prepared I didn’t enjoy that day. I called my sister-in-law for help, and she told me, “ You better now prepare to go to the hospital just now before it is worse”. Due to fear that others would realize I’m in pain, I woke up, prepared myself, and left for the hospital. I walked for two hours a distance which should take around twenty minutes trying to hide that I was in pain. Whenever the pain was too much, I could just sit down in the scorching sun, trying all means to hide it from people that all wasn’t well — I was unable to move and trying to pretend I was okay. But the baby inside the womb was really kicking hard so the passers-by would ask me if I needed their help and I always told them “No, I’m okay”, but you could see they were not okay with my answer. All that continued to the hospital until I reached there where upon arriving, the nurse just realized I was in need. I found him with another patient near the door and I didn’t proceed to the receptionist. Instead, I sat down in a chair and pretended to be okay. All I wanted to hide was the pain and that people should not know that I was in labor. But what made me wake up from that chair was the movement of the baby inside which turned my stomach to look like a rugby ball and it stayed like that for some minutes, I could hide no more. The stretching of the baby led me to show I was in pain actually because I could not pretend anymore. So the nurse took me to a check-up room where they confirmed the path was opening up to some point.

After some upstairs and downstairs exercises with the nurse, they chose to induce me at 6 pm and I was in labor until 10:45 pm. It reached a point where I called my husband and told him to take a scapular from the bag I had carried and put it around my neck. I was surely tired at this point and the doctors suggested I should be taken to the theatre for a cesarean section with an immediate effect to save the baby or the mother. After my husband gave me the scapular and it was put on my neck, I told them to give me a last chance to push the baby. In my mind, I wanted to tell my husband to take care of my baby when they succeed to have him alive. I told him, that if he comes out alive, call him “JUDE” and these words seemed to have disturbed him so much. I knew I was going to die before I saw him, but they asked me to push the baby once more. I then asked St. Jude to give me the last Miracle, and the strength to push. This is the time the baby came out.

So, when I was totally exhausted, is when I managed to push out the baby. It followed that I had no milk to breastfeed the baby. This child cried day and night for four days with nothing on its stomach. My breasts had nothing to help and had wounds and sores. It was so painful to be sucked but I allowed it anyway because he was trying to suck and get something. I totally had no milk and the baby’s skin began to stick together. I could see his green veins just on his skin, He began to be emaciated, the skin began to look like an old person and the bones began to appear. The child changed in those four days, I had no one around me — there were people but not relatives or anyone to tell me anything about a newborn, or what to do as I was a first-time mother, and my husband was a first-time father. On the fifth morning, I woke up and took my son to the same hospital where I gave birth. He had no voice to cry at all and I knew my child was dying. When all the pain I experienced during birth was so fresh still, I cried uncontrollably, and I called St. Jude once again. We were new to the town, and we were not aware of the hospitals nearby, we were just guided by someone. It was just by good luck, as my husband was wondering what to do because someone asked him, “I can see you have a patient here, what is it?” He told him he is looking for a better hospital to take her four-day-old son. This person decided to take us in His car to a big Children’s Hospital in the region where the baby was admitted.

The next challenge now was, that there were no tests to be taken from our son even from the urine because the child had no liquids in the body. His blood sample was also not enough for them to carry out any test, so he was admitted with immediate effect and was put on a drip throughout the night. But before the admission of our son, we were to give at least 400 dollars to admit the baby. We had no coin at all, either with us or back at home. But this man, upon hearing that, decided to give the hospital cash to admit the baby. We stayed in the hospital for 8 days and we were released to go home. Now my son looked better—looked beautiful, so handsome I could cry tears of joy. But, again, I cried to ST. Jude all through because I could not breastfeed my son. Throughout the night the child was asleep and didn’t know whether he would wake up and I had that fear. And that was the time I cried to St Jude thoroughly, asking him to protect my son, to heal my son, to revive my son, to give back my son… All those tears were contributed by the thought of I have not forgotten the pain and experience of giving birth and now he is going away from me, what shall I do? And so, from this experience I truly see God — the approachable God see the approachable God even through His saints. Thank you Saint Judd for saving my son. Today I can say my son has all the qualities I asked blessed Virgin Mary and those long-term qualities also I asked for, I’m very much certain that God will bring them into fruition at the right time

Now when my son was one, I approached his father for baptism in Catholic Church and he told me that in their church, they don’t baptize little children until he himself goes through their catechism and be baptized. This struck me again. I kept quiet and being unable to argue, I took my time and when he was out, I got a good chance to cry. Then when I finished crying, I decided to take that petition to God. I began paying for a Mass every 1st Friday of the Month and a daily Rosary. I went back to him again after one year with the same request and his response was the same. I kept the tradition of the Mass every 1st Friday of the month and the Rosary, as well as praying to the souls in purgatory for their help on the same issue for another whole year. I therefore went back to him again after another year and upon asking him the same question, I added that, “Sweetheart, don’t forget that that baptism is the descending of the Holy Spirit in our lives, remember I and you are baptized and this child is not baptized, we are not God and we don’t know how long He has given us to be with our son. So why don’t you let him be baptized or do we worship different Gods in our churches?” He asked me,” When do you want him baptized?” I took a deep breath and hesitated to answer him immediately, at the moment because of excitement and shock at the same time. I was so cautious not to show excitement. I then told him, “Whenever you give me an okay, I will work on the rest”. He told me to tell him on his son’s baptism so as to prepare and sure enough, he prepared for his baptism.

Now my son is seven years and two months old. I have tried several pregnancies only to end with miscarriages. I sometimes feel I am worn out in grieving my babies through miscarriages, but I have offered it to the Lord for the salvation of the souls, mostly who embrace abortion willingly and those terminated souls the womb. I have lost three pregnancies in one year that was the year 2020 and the year 2021 lost one pregnancy. I tried to be pregnant after every loss because I was really in need, and I had asked God about it. Whenever I confirmed my pregnancies, I would go to Jesus and seek His will about it and He would tell me that, “This pregnancy will shed but trust in me,” and sure enough, and to my shock, whenever He gave me such a message, it really happened within 24 hours. I would wake up early in the morning with bleeding or sometimes a very severe abdominal pain. Upon going to check what was going on, I would find that it was the one. So my mind would ring back, “Oh, I was prepared about it”. I found God so much approachable at this time. I was so much heart broken and He prepared me for the worst and helped me in my situation. Because if it were to happen without any word from Him, I don’t know where I would be. But I am still waiting for His time to bless me with another child.

Brethren, though I wait at His time, I still cry for my babies whenever I remember those situations. Please help me in your prayers, whenever you pray, that he will bless me soon. But I never lost hope in Him. If it is not His Will to bless me that soon, I still bless His Name. May His Name be praised. It’s my prayer that one day my tears will be presented in a chalice before the high thrones of God and find favor to be answered.

Apart from finding God the Approachable Father, I can say He has also blessed me with other gifts especially in visions. I have prayed to Him to bless me with some Gifts of the Holy Spirit, and I Have seen this come true as well. So my heart Glorifies God for being a Father who is so much approachable in all the situations I have shared with you guys. He has helped me also [to] come out victorious as well.

So, may His Name be praised. Thank you, Lord, for you Love and for all those who have helped me, to share my experience — my journey with You, and How Approachable You Are. Love you all, guys!


If You Only Knew—God, the One You Can Approach, Part 1

May 5, 2022

Upon reading the message of Mother Elisha about God, His gentleness, and love, I was convinced that I should share His Love, kindness, and gentleness and how he has touched me in my life and how I have witnessed that. I haven’t shared much about myself with anyone apart from my mother whom I see as a mother, a sister, a brother, and a friend to share because she has proved to be a trustworthy person to me. Just to begin with, I was born by chance.

By this I mean I survived several miscarriages from her womb. She told me the worst of it was when she was six to seven months pregnant. She experienced heavy bleeding for two weeks, which sent her to [the] Emergency Room. She was admitted and was given bed rest until I was born under the close monitoring of the nurses. She stayed in the hospital for around four months. I’m not sure if what she was expecting was okay or not — something that caused High blood pressure to her. Under the care of the nurses and the doctors, she was assured that all was alright from inside. I was born a healthy child of 4kg. Whenever I recall this story I see God as the giver of Life and only Him alone with the final word of the unborn. He saved me from death [at] that time because He had a mission to be accomplished by me and me alone according to His plan which is the reason I exist today. My mother took me for the baptism when I was eight days old. I grew up being a charming little girl who loved to play and pray as well. She taught me how to recite some prayers from the book and at the age of seven, I could read and lead the family in prayers before we went to sleep. But my elder sisters used to lead the Rosary. I didn’t know how to follow the beads by then with my younger brother, but we could only hold them. I remember very well, [that] we used to sit near Mom and maybe near one of the sisters who would guide us in following the beads. But before they were done with the first decade, I used to be on the fifth decade, or as they move to the second decade, I was on the fourth or beginning the next round after completing the five mysteries because I didn’t know how to do it then.

As I was growing up, I found my mother as a devotee of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary— something she does even today—and she would sit to pray her prayers every day. She called me to sit beside her, and she used to give me a prayer book and she recited those prayers of her head. I was pleased by her devotions, and it reached a time when I joined her in reciting those prayers of the head, and even up to date I can remember some of them and I can pray them in my native language. I loved covering my head with a veil at that tender age and I always told my mom that I would like to be a nun.

At school, I was an average student but when I was an adolescent—at around 12 years old—I developed a feeling of self-hatred, low self-esteem, and some suicidal thoughts, and loved being alone. One of my classmates once told me that I look like a monkey simply because my hair was so different from theirs and was almost covering my face. These words ate my inner self like a cancer, and for a long time, I saw nothing good from myself, but in another way, I can say it helped me. As I was an adolescent by then, these words kept me far away from any opposite sex and all the behaviors of the same sort because, back in my mind, I could say to myself, “So-and-so said I look like a monkey, what else do they need from me then if not just to exploit me and go away?” Once this came to my mind, anyone who approached me for an intimate relationship could regret why did he think of coming closer to me. I still had self-hatred in me, and it was like I was trying to develop self-defense.

With all these in my mind, I was comparing myself with other girls and I could see them as beautiful and see myself as an ugly girl. So I was ever stressed and the good body shape of an adolescent girl had reduced to almost bones. My class performance dropped, and all this drew the attention [of] my parents and even teachers – but I never shared it with anyone on the same. What I could do was cry when I’m alone and cry bitterly even in prayer. I used to go outside and hide myself under a bush and cry passionately until my clothes were soaked in tears. I was sure that everyone was looking for me and so I was sure I will be known I was crying because they will ask why are my clothes wet and I wasn’t ready to tell why I was crying. So most of the time I would hide one blouse or another dress to change before I go back home. That was a knowledge of a growing kid I had by then, who seems to be so smart upstairs only to find myself in another trouble. I was asked why did I change my clothes and where was I all that time. I don’t know if they thought I was out for sex or what because I was thoroughly caned by my mother and even still need to know where I have been going of late. I never told her. I think she was eager to know what was disturbing me to an extent of being affected physically.

So, the monkey look they saw in me protected me from early pregnancy at some point because several friends of mine who were surely beautiful, dropped out of school to prepare for parenthood. This struck me completely and back in my mind I thought, “Oh, Magdalene you are the next victim now.” I could cry when alone thinking the same people who impregnated my friends could come and force me into such a relationship or rather rape me. I was more than cautious in any way and improved my prayer life. My thoughts were right because I survived such attempts several times and I believe it was because of the prayers I had begun, out of fear. Those who attempted that were not even the adolescent boys I was studying with, or the boys around, but they were grown- ups with their own families. I wounded one in his private parts when he attempted to rape me. And that is how I managed to escape, and I dared to tell no one.

Because of this fear, I began the fifteen prayers of St. Brigid of Sweden which has twenty-one or so promises. I went through the promises and only two Promises struck my heart and convinced me to pray those prayers for a whole year. The first one which was the seventh promise said, “I will put before their eyes my victorious cross to help and protect them from the severe battles of their enemies.” The second one which was the tenth promise said, “after I take them to heaven, I will give them a special drink from the source of My Godliness, something that I will not do to those who never recited these prayers.” These might not be the exact words, but I remember the real message of those two promises.

So the first promise I knew would protect me from all those with evil intentions with me, especially those who may wish to destroy my life. The fear of the boys who would wish to see me leading the same life my friends were leading – a life of parenthood at such a young age.

The second promise encouraged me to want to know of that special drink which Jesus promised to give to those who prayed these prayers. I even today remind Jesus of such a promise when in prayer. At this time, I was preparing for my final exam at the primary level and my father had retired from his job due to the reasons I have given above, I didn’t perform well. So I didn’t secure a good high school to pursue my O levels. My mother urged me to repeat the national exam for another year so as to work hard and try to secure a better school for O level, something to which I didn’t object. When another academic year approached the end, I sat for my national exam, and I performed well and secured a good chance in a high school. My dad never embraced the idea of taking me to high school as many African fathers always believed that only boys should be educated to have a good life in the future and not girls. Upon hearing this I took a Novena of St. Jude, who is a patron of the impossible, and upon finishing it like today, the following day my sister who is a religious came and asked me to prepare for admission to a high school the following morning. Today it remains to be a miracle to me, and I promised St. Jude to help me in honoring him in my life for such a miracle. This is the reason I named my son after St. Jude after more than ten years ago of the miracle.

So my sister told me that she had to plead with one priest who was a missionary to help in my admission to a high school entry, something which he accepted.

I found this a miracle because my sister who had completed before me, never went to high school. And my younger brother who completed primary level after me, he too never managed to high school due to a lack of the school fees. Just to be brief, my high school life was so challenging due to school fees, and I had no hopes to continue but to succumb to tears and loneliness. I remember spending the whole term at home due to a lack of school fees. I had to become used to such a life of being on and off of the school for four years.

Thank God I managed and passed with a good grade. But after completing my O levels, I didn’t know what next, and because I had learned some leadership qualities in high school in some movements like Young Christian Students (YCS) where I served as secretary of the movement in school and in the Diocese level, I still maintained the same position as secretary. And another movement, the Legion of Mary, I also served as a secretary of the movement at the school level.

So with this, I knew how to take the impossible to God for guidance. So I chose to join a convent which I truly desired. That was after I finished my O levels. With this I mean I wanted to live in a monastery and lead a Monastic life as a Cloistered Nun. I can say God blessed me with a very beautiful hair which caused the name monkey in my early years, and I think it’s because when we were in the primary level we used to shave hair, and my hair when it is shaved, it grows with many, many curls and it was falling to my face. but in high school, we were allowed to maintain hair. and so it grew to be smart and long. So I chose to shave it and go join a monastery. When I shared my desire with my mother and my religious sister, my sister told me not to shave the hair and she would provide anything needed to maintain it. I grew up as a quiet girl who never argued back even when I should. So I kept quiet and maintained the hair, but I wanted to shave all the beauty and proceed to the convent.

My sister never liked the lifestyle of the cloistered nuns and so she encouraged me to join the active sisters whose charism is to give different services to people like being a nurse, a teacher, a clerk, etc. She, therefore, took me to different convents including her convent. I remember when she took me to their convent for the first time, she showed me their chapel and after showing me everything in the house, I sneaked to the chapel, and I had a good moment with Jesus in the Tabernacle. I took around an hour there, and when she came to my room, she didn’t find me, so she called me several times and I remember I didn’t hear because I was surely weeping before Jesus. So she opened the chapel and found me inside. And because I was crying, I just pretended immediately that I was just gazing at Jesus in the tabernacle. I didn’t face her. So, upon finding me there, she told me to stop pretending to be a small Jesus by staying there for long. This crushed my heart deeply and extended my tears before the tabernacle. So, I kept crying but I was still counting the minutes because she had signaled me to leave the chapel.

From that moment, the desire of being an active sister left me, and I remained with my original desire of becoming a cloistered nun. So I was not convinced of their life at all. She also took me to other different convents, but the desire was crushed totally from the word “go” because their convent was the first one she took me to stay there with them and get to learn their way of life and prayer. But once she learned I was still under the influence of Carmelite sisters, she changed and became somehow aggressive, and things grew worst with time. I remained the same person who never argued anything back or responded to an aggressive statement. I listened to the weight of each word, digesting them, and packing them one by one in my heart, and later looked for a chance to isolate myself to cry. I even today have the same habit of not arguing any point with anyone I choose to keep quiet and wait to ponder those words later.

I remember one time she called to tell me that among all her siblings, I’m the only stupid, and she regrets why she contributed to my education. This was after taking me to live with her friend whom they worked together in a parish hospital and who abused me totally, including denying me food. I remember I was like a house helper, helping in the house because she used to live with her sister. I would cook, wash, and do every house chore there. I could cook their food and not eat it.

So the woman would just call her and lie to her many things about me, and my sister listened to her without asking me of anything. To cut the story short, I can say I suffered a lot, and all that because I could wake up early in the morning and go for the Mass which was done to the sick in the chapel of the same hospital where they were working. And I mean I suffered so much that I cannot even withstand to tell you here. Only my God was my everything by then and it reached a point when I decided to poison myself and die than to see my sister and her friends do what they did to me. This was a sure plan I had but it failed because I had gone [to] another convent for a week and upon completing the seminar we had for the “Come and See” Program, I was going back to stay with the same woman and her sister who never liked me at all. They were Protestants anyway.

So, they complained to my sister so much that I was waking up, going for Mass, and not cooking tea for them by then. Yet I could go to Mass and come back and find them asleep and proceed with the house chores.

So, I thought of poisoning myself before I reached their house and die. What came to my mind was, “If I die now, they may sue the convent over my death”. So I had another plan — to go to their house and after seeing me alive from the convent, I [would] then poison myself there. But again I said, “I hear when someone takes away his/her life, he /she goes to hell,” and I never want to go to hell. Another thought came that I should tell my sister to return me to my mother or I will walk back home by myself. If I were to walk back home, I would have taken almost a weekday and night walk or more than a week. My aim was to be killed by anything as I walked home at night or exhaust myself and die. That was because I was not being given any food in that house, and I as used to the life of lacking. I depended on water, and I could not ask anyone for food on the way.

All that was accompanied by the feelings of my childhood of having low self-esteem and loneliness, plus someone proving to me that I was looking like a monkey and not a human. Adolescent stage is a crucial stage that to some if it’s not handled with care, with much care – a life and precious soul can be lost and become past tense. I have witnessed the help of heaven not once or twice or thrice in my life when I was undergoing all this. God the Father still proving to me that He created me for a reason, and He still keeps on proving the same even today. I suffered pretty too much at my sister’s hands, but I gave it all to God in tears.

To cut the long story short, I lost hope with the religious life. Several Mother Superiors wrote me a letter to join their convents, but I was already frustrated. Some followed the directions I had given in the questionnaire they used to give to our home place to plead with me to join the convent. The only answer I could give them was, “ I need more time to make a mature decision before I join you in the convent”. I never shared this with anyone else except my mother. It took me another three years to discern the will of God for me in serving Him.

When I went to a teaching college, I had in my mind that I should make a resolution of what I wanted to do or to be once I’m done with this career. It was so challenging, and I suffered from within so much, not knowing the will of God. I prayed to God to show me where He wanted me to serve Him, but back in my mind I still struggled to join a Monastic life after [my] studies.

I again reduced in weight due to much thinking and I never shared with anyone what was wrong with me, not even with my mom this time. I came across these words when I was reading a certain book; “never choose to God what you want to be but let Him choose for you.” These words struck me with much weight because I never wished to lead a marriage life, but now I had to consider those words. It cost me so much to agree with them that I should let God choose what He wanted for me. So I was like, “What if I choose a marriage life for me?” I never wanted to have time to think of the answer. But when the situation seemed to grow worse, I remember telling God that I was ready for His choice for me, whether a religious life to lead or a marriage life.

I came to realize that sometimes we prevent the Blessings and the Will of God in our lives. So after college, I had to make my choice known after a deep fight with myself. I said to myself, “I have prayed to lead a religious life, why can’t I pray about a marriage life to see if God would answer that,” I gathered the courage to ask GOD for a good husband. And I remember a few weeks after I was done with the college studies, my high school friend called to inform me that her dad had passed away and she wanted me to attend the burial. I surely hesitated and back in my mind, I knew I wouldn’t go. So I informed my mother about it and since this friend of mine was well known to my family that she even desired to lead a religious life of the Poor Clare’s so I felt I should give her an excuse. The reason why I didn’t want to go to her dad’s burial was [that] I studied in a very high-altitude place, a very cold place indeed. And upon coming back home I got some sunburns, and I didn’t look [very] good with them. I’m ever shy and so I was not comfortable at all even at home meeting some people. So, I wanted to stay at home with my mom and dad since by then we were only three of us at home.

[Continue in Part 2…]


If You Only Knew—God, My Defender

May 3, 2022

Hi everyone, my name is Nomsa and I’d like to share a time with you when the Lord showed himself as my defender. And really, at the time I saw Him as the defender of my heart.

About five years ago I went through something I can only describe as spiritual warfare. At the time it was happening I didn’t realize that’s what it was. I was living out of state trying to complete my degree while staying at a friend’s place. Initially, it started with a few nightmares here and there. I just kind of brushed it aside and took it as normal—the usual nightmares we would get from time to time.

They did disturb me, but I would just brush them off and go on living my life because, you know, I had things going on — I was busy — meeting different people so it was just one of those things that didn’t really interrupt my life. So, as a little backstory to that, at the time I was a Christian and I identified as a Christian but in hindsight, I can say I was very lukewarm. I still watched all my favorite shows, I socialized, partied, drank a little — a little wine, you know, but I would still call myself a Christian. Funnily enough, I would even judge those who partied or drank a little more heavily than I did. You know, I saw it as—it was very a pharisaic attitude that I had and for some reason, I saw my level of drinking and partying and all that stuff as just the right amount to not be considered sin, right? Funny. But even through that time, the nightmare attacks would progressively become worse when I would be asleep — I would just fall asleep like any other night and then feel like something, or someone would physically grab me, and it would just jerk me out of my sleep. At times I would feel—I would get violated in my sleep and I would wake up feeling really disgusted and just really — it just really started to really get to me. And then it became so bad I couldn’t even take a nap without something attacking me in my sleep—at this time I was literally getting attacked. It wasn’t one of those nightmares where you’re just running around, you’re running away from someone, or you feel yourself falling — no these were like concerted physical attacks against what felt like my body at the time. I actually say that it was my body because at certain instances I would wake up and I would just feel pain — at one point I had a dream — I felt it was a dream — um something struck me on the side of my neck and I woke up and I felt that same side of my neck was very sore, I could barely turn it…It started to really manifest in the physical sense. At that point it was attacking my — you know, my sleep is being very disturbed, I can’t — I couldn’t take a nap, I would even at times avoid sleeping in the room by myself or just sleeping in my room altogether and just go to sleep in common spaces, in areas where people would be around just so I could just have a few moments of rest. At that time I know most people would — I think at this point it was described as sleep paralysis where you can’t move, you can’t do anything. But the Lord revealed to me later on that that was really was a spiritual attack against me brought by multiple entities — a spiritual spouse and just attacks like witchcraft attacks from various people.

So, I went to church — I would go to church — from different churches to different churches. I would go to different conventions or events hoping that someone could give me a word for what was happening to me because at this point I was so desperate. I just — it wasn’t something I could really get help from my friends because they didn’t really know what to do. My family had an idea of what was happening, but they weren’t really there to physically see what was happening. So at this point, I’m just calling — I’m going to churches, I’m calling into prayer lines — like the midnight prayer lines and just praying and hoping that something could stop this from continuing, or someone could tell me what I could do to stop this. And I didn’t really get any — well, nothing really helped. I would try going on multiple dry fasts for extended periods of time. At times I would get relief where it would stop maybe for like a week or two but then the attacks would come back. It was just so, so bad that I started to lose weight, I was losing my hair. I was just very drained. I couldn’t sleep much, just the thought of going to sleep would just kind of fill me with dread. I couldn’t really eat, I didn’t really enjoy myself anymore— the things that I used to do enjoy doing, all of that just died for me, I just was not interested.

At this point, I’m exhausted from a lack of sleep, I couldn’t even do my work effectively because of the lack of sleep and stress, At this point I was feeling very hopeless. I just came to the conclusion that this was what my life was going to be and, even in that moment I would hear these voices urging me to kill myself. So you know, in hindsight, this definitely the enemy’s assignment was for me to take my own life. And these voices at the time, that would just constantly berate me into even wondering why am I even still here — why am I wasting people’s time — why am I wasting space here with my pointless problems? These thoughts would constantly plague me daily and it was just so to the point that it was just — it was so overwhelming. But now looking back at it I never went through with that because the Holy Spirit would prevent me from even considering what it would be like to go to do what I did—to not do what I did, but to commit that act. Umm, these thoughts would be projected in my head of all the possible ways I could take my own life. And, at the time I wasn’t equipped enough to stop those thoughts from entering. I was just so exhausted and so dejected and down. I still prayed — I would constantly pray but I never really felt like I was getting — anything from the Lord… I didn’t feel like he was, um…. I never felt completely. entirely hopeless if that’s the word I could use —I just felt that this was my burden to bear. I just thought that these nightmares and these attacks were just going to be this — this was just what I was going to live with for the rest of my life until the Lord took me home. The thought of taking my own life just never — it just would not settle in my heart, and I know that was the Lord — the Lord’s faithfulness to me.

So at this moment, I had gotten to my lowest point. And I remember it — I remember I was doing a fast — at this point, I had moved back home with my family, and they saw how I had gotten really bad, but I just couldn’t communicate with them anymore [about] what was happening. It got so bad — I was doing my fast and I just went into my closet. That’s where I usually go to pray and just kind of have alone time — quiet time with the Lord. I went into my prayer closet, and I was really tired from lack of sleep because I didn’t really get much sleep again. This was around 5 p.m. or so — I just sat in my closet and just worshiped the Lord and I just prayed to Him. I felt like I saw Him in a vision, and He asked me, “What do you want from Me?” I remember telling Him, “I just don’t want you to leave me”. (Wow, excuse me guys — I’m emotional) — Um, yeah, so I just told Him, I don’t want you to leave me. That night um, I guess the Lord just kind of like, moved my mom into action because she actually came and we prayed together, and she, you know, she got to the bottom of what was going on. After we did all the prayers and all the things that the Lord instructed her to do, that was the first night I was able to sleep completely and peacefully without any attacks, any interruptions. That was my first night of complete rest. After that I was sent to a minister who was able to pray for me and just get rid of all the evil spirits that were responsible for the thoughts in my head of committing suicide and things like that. But even months after that because I finally got relief, I finally got rest and I was just so happy and excited and the Lord gave me the song by Rita Springer, Defender of My Heart. That song just completely exemplifies everything I went through because even when I was just completely low and I just didn’t see any out, I didn’t see any exit. I knew I wouldn’t take my life because I already gave it to the Lord and if He wanted me to stay in that place, I would have done it. But He still came and just pulled me out of that place. Because, honestly, no one would have been able to do it. It was just—it was an experience that I would never wish on my worst enemy, to be in such a dark, dark hole and it was only Jesus who could pull me out of it. And that’s why I always say — well, at the time I would call Him the Lord my strength because I had no more strength and even in that moment He defended my heart because it was just so — it was so empty and so lifeless.


If You Only Knew — God, the One Who Sees

May 2, 2022

Hey Family, this is Rainbow. I pray that you all are doing well, and Welcome to The channel if we have any newcomers, Yay….

For this Series, I chose the topic “God, the One Who Sees”. I just had to pick this topic because it just resonates with me. Almost all of you have heard my story and how Jesus brought me out from harm’s way into his divine heart where I will make my home forever. Today I want to go just a little bit behind the scenes.

When my dad left, for the majority of my life, I lived in a shanty house in a small village that was considered a ghetto. The word “Ghetto” refers to a part of a city, especially a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groups. When the word “Shanty” is placed before the word house it usually refers to a small rough hut or shack which poor people live in, built from tin, cardboard, or other materials that are not very strong. There were guns, drugs, gangs, and so on. Hmmm — maybe I should go back to the beginning or at least to what I had been told was the beginning..

My grandmother migrated over to our country with her four children from the country Guyana to start a better life. They had to start from ground level to bring themselves up because they were in new territory. But with a lack of academic knowledge, they ended up just living from day to day on what they had. My Mom then fell in love with a Trinidadian man and had 5 kids out of wedlock. 3 out of those 5 are in heaven with Jesus which makes me the eldest. Booo, I hate being the eldest. Their love story unfortunately did not last. When I came into the world the life they lived is what I adapted to — survive daily on what you get. My mother was deprived of an education because she suffered with epilepsy and seizures being forced to depend on my grandmother for a place to stay with us. The only form of income we had was my mother’s monthly disability benefits and my grandmother worked as a housekeeper for the rich. Our house was quite small, and to say the least, falling apart. There were insects and creatures everywhere. We had the worst plumbing situation, and not much to sustain us. Yet the 5 of us, being my grandmother, mother, myself, my sister, and my Uncle lived our lives.

As a child, I thought nothing of this. We had good days, we had bad days. This was normal to me, so I lived normally. But deep down in my heart I always wondered why I was here. As I grew up I got more embarrassed about my living conditions and my poverty. I had so many questions as to why now that I was older with more understanding. I just couldn’t appreciate where I was or my portion because I watched often as my mom would struggle. I saw the worry in her face as she wondered what she was going to feed us; how she was going to get us through school. I saw other kids eat and drink the best when all I had in my lunchbox was bread and water. They had so many things and to me, I had the leftovers of what people chose to give to me. Why God? Why? Tell me why? a question that has been ringing in my ears for so long. Then one day I left where I was, and I got into a state of Comfort where my mind could focus, and God stepped in, and He answered my “Why”. I remember when we had nothing in the cupboard to eat, somehow the next day food was provided. When our groceries were at their lowest we somehow had food for weeks. When we had absolutely nothing to celebrate Christmas, Easter, and other holidays people came and donated food boxes to us sometimes toys and snacks — many times they doubled the food boxes. When our clothes were worn out huge garbage bags of clothes sometimes new would be brought for us by others. Toys would be given to us. Shoes would be given to us. They were second-hand, but My husband always says, “Half of a slice of Bread is better than none at all” A small Shanty home was built for us to stay in as we grew up. My mother couldn’t afford for us to get an education and yet I have an education and I have been through school. Every time my mother was in need. And she sighed deeply in her heart. God provided. God put me through school and got everything I needed. Fed us clothed us and took care of us when we needed it the most.

But this is the Best part! We knew God existed we believed in him, but our hearts were far from him. That did not stop him from moving heaven and earth to take care of us. Many times we ate the leftovers that people would give us and sometimes found toys in the trash to play with. No matter how we served God. He saw us! We were outcasts, no one cared. But the ones that everyone overlooks are the ones God sees. It’s safe to say that God has taken care of me all my life. because my mother could not. It was these simple little blessings that he used that made my childhood a happy one. I mean who doesn’t like getting stuff? All kids do. He could have left us without anything — He could have overlooked us. After all, there are far holier people than worldly filthy people like us. But he didn’t bypass us. Even when we couldn’t see his kindness and we were ungrateful and unappreciative of it, it never stopped him from providing for us. It never stopped him from loving us even when we did not return it and did the complete opposite — continue to Sin. Till this day he is still taking care of me, He never stopped being my Jehovah Jireh, My Provider. Even when I was the prodigal daughter in the pit of my sin he came running. He has never stopped, and I can testify that he won’t stop because he loves us with an everlasting love, and that’s in Jeremiah 31:3.

So I got my ” Why” answered. Everything I have faced in my life leading up to this point was a testimony of God’s Goodness, his faithfulness, and his lovingkindness. It is the reason why Heartdwellers Caribbean exists today. That even though as a kid getting stuff was a joy and luxury to me, now my joy is giving to make others happy as I once was. It is the reason why I can testify that whatever you are going through. Whatever you have found yourself in, if you feel like the outcast then know that God is Adonai El Roi, The God who sees — and he has a plan for your life. Hewritesstraightoncrookedlines,Hemendstheholesandbrokenpiecesinus, He iscallingyoutoknowhisloveandtocomehome—whereyouhaveafamily, where You are loved, where You are cherished, and where you can dwell deeper into the depths of his heart — with God.

It doesn’t matter what Satan Tells you, Honey. He only seeks to kill, Steal, and destroy, and that’s in John 10:10, that’s in the Bible! Don’t entertain a liar whose only agenda is to lie to you. Don’t listen to his lies. When you give your life to Christ he has washed you clean by His blood. You are renewed in Christ, and you are now a royal priesthood, a chosen generation. That’s in the Bible too, 1 Peter 2:9 — a Child of the king. No devil, No demons, no principalities are gonna hold God back from reaching you. You are loved, Redeemed, and Renewed by his blood, Amen?

There is so much more that I have been through and there is so much more that God has done for me. But I hope that my “Why”, even though it be short, answers Your “Why”. I hope it answers your questions. I hope my testimony shows you that God looks at those that the world rejects. Because — He is the God who Sees.