Living To Die…. Becoming A Laid Down Lover of Jesus

From Jesus With Love2 Comments

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(amazing photo credits: Kevin Carden Photography)

Unfortunately, the christian life especially in our generation has turned into giving your life to Jesus for what you can get rather than laying down your life for Jesus to become just like him. God calls us all as Christians to a higher purpose, a higher standard of living, and a higher standard of love if we would only yield ourselves to it. However, many times we hear the statement…”Christ died so that you may live” when in actuality “Christ died so that YOU may Die and HE may LIVE”.

Matthew 16:25
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

That’s truly is the call of any disciple of Jesus Christ. In scripture there were crowd of people who followed Jesus just for popularity or to follow the latest sign/wonder. Then their were many who called themselves disciples but fell away after his teaching became difficult or he asked more of them then they were willing to give. Hence the rich young ruler, or the young man who wanted to bury his father (Mark 10:17-27). Lastly were the 12 chosen disciples who were chosen by God to follow him all the way to their own crosses. Each giving their lives for the gospel and being martyrdom besides one, John. Interestingly enough when I gave my life to Jesus I told him with such passion and boldness that I was all in, I mean I told him not only would I live for him, give my life to him but I would die for him if it came to it. That I would never leave him and want to give all that their is for the sake of the gospel….pause ( doesn’t this sound exactly like what Peter said to Jesus lol…I am so a Peter I tell you)

Matthew 26:3-34
Peter said to Him, “Even if all fall away on account of You, I never will.” 34 “Truly I tell you, Jesus declared,“- this very night before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” 

So I stated this to the Lord boldly really believing I was called to martyrdom in the last days End times army. A soldier who would give her life up for the gospel and die for Jesus!!…sounds so heroic right lol Then the Lord plainly spoke to me last November with such authority and said “Nana I never called you to martyrdom BUT YOU WILL DIE THAT I MAY LIVE”. That statement alone shook me to the core when I heard the Lord speak those words to my heart he really meant it. Not sure which is easier dying in a moment of passion for the sake of the gospel or giving up yourself safe daily and dying to yourself. As you allow the Lord to continue to crush your pride, selfish desires/motives, reactions of the flesh, remove comfortabilities, and call you to a lifestyle of becoming just like him. As Paul stated

 1 Corinthians 15:31
Every day do I die, by the glorying of you that I have in Christ Jesus our Lord:
I have come to realize you can gracefully die that’s by you yielding to the Holy spirit in obedience and holiness or you can fight all the way as the Lord kills your flesh….yup sound about right lol. So what does a crucified life or being a “a laid down lover” look like? Is a bride of Christ who is completely dead to themselves, completely void of their own wants, preferences, opinions and completely abandoned to Gods will. A bride who rejoices in their suffering, trials, inconveniences, pains, tribulation and trials knowing that God has allowed it and if so will turn it for their good. A bride who doesn’t live for the earthly pleasures but lives for the rewards of heaven. A bride who wears a crown of scorn and contempt. Who is criticized, mocked, despised, rejected and persecuted for pursing righteousness, who is judged and misunderstood for walking in obedience. A bride who responds always in love, not defending themselves, not looking for the approval or moved by the criticism of others, one who is meek, lowly and little in their own eyes. A bride who yields his/herself daily in obedience to the Holy Spirit in every decision seeking only what will please the Father and no one else. A bride who is climbing the mountain of holiness with her beloved Jesus Christ picking up their cross daily and following him wherever he leads. That’s how the disciples of old lived their lives not loving it unto death and I believe that is how the Lord is calling his last days remnant church to return back too. Return back to hands not only open to receive from him but hearts that are fully surrendered with hands opened to be pierced to the cross with him.  Am I there yet no, but I have given myself totally to this call by the grace of God that I may be a living sacrifice for our Jesus. I hope you do the same too
(speaking to St. Faustina the stations of the cross)
Jesus:
Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in pain and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory
-From Jesus with Love

Choosing Jesus Or Choosing Nana: The Fight Of Self-Denial

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(Pic credits Kevin Carden website http://www.christianphotoshops.com)

I have found to walk with Christ takes two decisions, first confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart that he is Lord which seals your salvation then…..( the part which majority of us believers struggle with) to DENY YOUR FLESH completely in total surrender that He may live. Which I have come to realize is day by day, decision by decision to choose Jesus rather than to choose Nana. I don’t pass the test every time but the longer I am walking with Christ the more apparent that call seems, the quicker I find myself willing to sacrifice my desires for his…Now I didn’t say easier lol Don’t be mistaken it is hard but dying is never easy.

I had given my life to the Lord at a young age but I hadn’t given him my life. So when the Lord called me to surrender my life 3 years ago I hesitatingly did.  Not realizing it would be the greatest, most amazing and difficult decision I had and will ever make. However, I began to get rhemas from the Lord asking for “total surrender” and I would wonder hmmm Lord I have completely surrendered, (or so I thought) I don’t get it.  You have my heart and my life is yours now. Not realizing he wanted complete control of my time, my body, my money, my plans etc….you name it He wants it all. So many times as believers we declare God you can have it all, whatever you want, my life is yours but do we really mean that and are we willing to live a sacrificial, crucified, hedged in life , denying ourselves every worldly pleasure and living only for the perfect will of God?? I would say many Christians don’t , especially in our generation and in our western Christianity.  I remember the Holy Spirit speaking to me these words:

“In this generation we call obedience legalism and holiness religious”

So true! I remember being so frustrated at times because I slowly started noticing as I walked with Jesus there were many things other Christians could do but I couldn’t. For the life of me I couldn’t understand it. I thought the christian life was suppose to be fun with Jesus! lol No, the Lord was like is “your called to be holy and pure for me”. So I have found myself many times making plans, having personal desires and them being completely adverted because Jesus has plans for me as his bride to do instead. So i have been learning to submitted to my bridegroom.

One instance was two days ago, where I found myself weary at my moms house with all my nieces and nephews over. The day felt like I was taking care of a day care lol. I was unable to get any work done really and wanted to get away. Just then a friend from my Kenya team reminded me of  get together they were hosting at their home. Watching the Avengers movie and eating snacks. So having a strong desire to go, I first wanted to make sure it was okay with the Lord first so I asked him for a rhema I got “Sickness” . Now when I get scriptures about that either I am asking for healing or the Lord is saying my mind is sick, I have come in agreement with wrong thinking…hmmm. So having a slight nudge he didn’t want me to go and would rather have me spend time with him. I thought I am not sick (like I didn’t know) and went anyway lol. As soon as I got in front of their house a song came on the radio guess what the Lyrics where ” There is a sickness in the world where people are looking to fill the void but can only be filled with Jesus” All  I could do was laugh, I was like nooooo. Jesus I am already here (the Lord can use anything to talk to us by the way). Then the second song came on lyrics ” Lord help me to listen to what you tell me to do”. I reasoned with the Lord saying, moms house is crowded where can i go to spend time. Then the idea came to mind to go to my sisters place, she was out of town for  trip so would have the place to ourselves. So with my face in my palm, I looked up looking at the inviting house, movie, fellowship and snacks or leave and head to my sisters. I had a decision to make….To Choose Jesus or Choose Nana. Nana, wanted to have escape, have fun and relax with friends and Jesus wanted to escape with me, have fun and have me relax in his heart…… (with a sigh ) lol I said yes, Lord. I chose Jesus (that is all by his grace)

I made my way to my sisters apartment and there I had 3 hours of the most awesome and intimate time with alone in her walking closet. I left feel at peace, no longer burdened, loved and feeling full of purpose. Jesus has called me and if not all of us to a life of TOTAL SURRENDER . We must understand it takes our permission for the Lord to complete His work in us. He is a gentleman, he wont force his will on you but will you yield to his? Jesus has asked me to live a life denying myself of  the news, of movies, of TV, of Entertainment. of certain food, of sweets, idle time wasted hanging out,  many worldly pleasures, worldly comforts and live on the bare necessities which come from him alone just to name a few.  It feels like a tug of war every time but, God is so gracious and patient with me lol. He has me hedged finely and I am learning to appreciate that rather than complain. I get asked many times lately about intimacy with Jesus and I always tell them one of the many components to walking with Jesus so intimately is to deny yourself, not all at once. The Lord works with us all in stages and by layers, its one day at a time waking up to say I choose you Jesus today above my desires, my plans and my comforts so will you  make a decision and choose Jesus every time? Ask him for the grace to make you willing to be made willing!

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

-From Jesus With Love

 

 

Trails Of Faithfulness

From Jesus With Love3 Comments

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My birthday was on the 10th of this month and which caused me to sit back and reflect on where I am now and where I used to be. I can honestly say this  was a difficult day so many arrows from the enemy telling me nothing has changed and feeling of no accomplishments. I had many people write beautiful messages on my Facebook wall and even text me but no phone calls besides family and If I can be honest I felt so alone, I thought man my Facebook page is looking like my memorial page LOL but I’m not dead yet sheesh people could just call me and tell me those nice things would’ve appreciate it so much more. You know as I am typing this I realize goodness that’s how we treat God sometimes, many know about him by quoting scriptures all day, going to church, posting bible versus, talking about Him,  and even preach about Him but how many spend time with Him. I can imagine He feels the same way sometimes. Saying  “man these people are always talking about me but their hearts are so far from me as He too feels alone, waiting and desiring them to come to him, KNOW him, spend time with him talking too Him and loving Him. (This is so the Holy Spirit by the way so no the direction of the blog but I love it he gave me that revelation as I am typing, Haha love Him!)

So since losing my job and being at home it has honestly been a struggle daily and my birthday was no different I had to tell myself “Nana get out of self pity don’t you see the Lord has done amazing things in you life don’t let what you see influence what you know” One lie I had believed was ” This is the story of my life motto” I would say it all the time in my heart when patterns in my life showed itself but during a Kairos session at my church the Lord revealed I had believed that lie, that’s exactly what it was a lie! The Lord spoke to my heart and spoke this truth instead:

Hebrews 12:2  I AM the author and finisher of your faith

I thought wow Lord, so true, you are right! My story is not written based on my experiences, my opinions or circumstances you do. Thank you Jesus! We can all take comfort in that if you are in a season which seems uncomfortable and your becoming the slightest bit hopeless or discouraged know that God is complete control he is not surprised by where you are, what has happened and where your going trust him to lead in all things knowing that he indeed works ALL things for his glory!

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

The Lord told me to lay my business, clothing line and jewelry line down to follow him. So the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to go through my old journals that chronicled my 2 1/2 years of walking with the Lord.  To go back and see the many answered prayers, the many promises and how clearly the Lord has been speaking to me. To truly see his trail of faithfulness in my life because that’s what the enemy was attacking my faith to believe that God is indeed faithful. So I did just that and below I wanted to share  the many altars of Gods faithfulness in my life.

Journal Entries:
Sept 24,2014
You spoke to my heart that your preparing me for something not sure what, you told me that “Sometimes you don’t give us the blessing because we don’t have the capacity or character to handle it”

Sep 27, 2014

The Lord gave me a dream which I believe he is saying that he has called me into ministry of the Gospel and has given me a grace of leadership, I’m in the preparation process and that the enemy is after my prayer life. God has given me a gift of discernment & intercession setting me apart to be victorious in prayer ….my thoughts, really?!!!! Lord me

October 6, 2014

During small group as we prayed for my sister with a complicated pregnancy the Lord revealed to a sister in Christ  a picture of flowing water. Not knowing my sister had no water in her belly and her baby was in danger of death the Lord declared he would provide the water to sustain that child

October 15, 2014

I told the Lord that ” I would be bold for him and take the Love of God and be a world changer” after hearing Pastor Ravi Zacharias speak.

November 4, 2014

I asked the Lord to reveal if my sister should began her poetry book and he gave me a dream that night directing me that it wasn’t the right time

November 21, 2014

Prayed for a close friend who needed a breakthrough and she  got a job that same week

December 2, 2014

Had intense spiritual attack of lust/perversion and after pressing in for a week the Lord gave me the victory

December 11,2014

The Lord finally gave me direction on my calling by admonishing me saying ” If you don’t know my ways and they are not implanted in your hearts how can you then walk in your assignment” (shut me up) lol

December 22, 2014 (fulfilled prophecy)

A brother in Christ calls me with a prophetic word that people are drawn to me because of Christ . That my walk will be very uncomfortable but I should walk by faith and that many will come to know Christ through me. Also that their would be loved ones who would distant themselves from me but I shouldn’t be sad God would restore our relationship.

January 28,2015
The Lord reveals in a  dream that my brother would be released sooner than later…(and he was)

February 27, 2015
I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray

April, 15, 2015

I met my sisters new boyfriend and prayed right then if he was meant to be with my sister to stay for bible study and if not for him to leave. (Not only did he stay but he surrendered his life and now getting married next year!)

April 22, 2015

The Lord spoke to move out of my moms house and finally got approved for my own apartment!

June 05, 2015

The Lord put it on my heart to began a fellowship meeting at my house despite fears and insecurities. (has grown and do it everyday Friday)

February 11,2015
The Lord confirmed that he wanted me to start a blog and youtube channel despite fears and insecurities. ( hence writing today  with 22 blogs and 640 subscribers later….God is amazing!)

January 18, 2015

In he midst of deep hurt and betrayal He spoke ” I am transforming you and your family”

November 27, 2015
Prayed for divine friendships and relationship that go deep ( he has answered that!)

December 8, 2015

Gave me the idea to extend our Date Night with Jesus event and take it outside to the Homeless. ( by his grace were doing that this month will be our fourth time!…he is faithful)

Romans 8: 28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 

I had stop because I couldn’t write all his promises on this blog! LOL Wow, reading all of these going down in memory lane made me smile. My God is indeed faithful when you are in the midst of a trials, test or suffering the enemy of your soul would love for you to focus on your present situation and forgot all that God has said and done but truly Gods word does not return void. If he said it he will do it!! Thinking of the many times I wrote down my thoughts not realizing it was actually Jesus speaking and now looking back realizing that it was indeed him! That  truly is a different type of joy I get knowing that I hear the voice of God 🙂 How I thank him for such a wonderful grace! So what promise are you going to revive or cling too one again? Know that God is indeed faithful as you continue to Trust him, Follow his lead in blind obedience you will be able to look back and be in awe at what he does in you life!