sin – Heartdwellers Africa

The Stench of Gossip

February 13, 2020February 13, 2020 From Jesus With Love

“The sin of Gossip is like a smelly diaper before me and all of heaven” -Jesus

Yes, Gossip has a stench to it whew, I have stunk a time or two….okay if I can be honest many times. Gossip is when you speak about someone negatively and they are not present to defend themselves. Furthermore, in the eyes of the Lord gossip is even when you THINK negatively about someone in your heart. Some may object and say wait a minute but, I didn’t speak bad about anyone so how can that be gossip? We forget that the Lord dwells in our hearts. John 14:23
So if he dwells in our hearts then Jesus and all of heaven hears our every thought.

Psalm 139:2-4 You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them. You know where I go and where I lie down. You know everything I do. Lord, even before I say a word, you already know it. (NCV translation)

You see in heaven everything is transparent, every thought is known before the Lord and all the saints. Not just when we arrive there but even now, how embarrassing! It makes you take a good look at your heart attitude and the thoughts of your heart to ensure they are pure. That is what the Lord is desiring a people, a bride with a pure heart, pure motive, and pure thoughts to dwell in. A pure heart to the Lord is irresistible and many of us speak with our lips concerning the things of God but, our hearts are far from him.

Matthew 15:8 These people honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me.

Gossip is such a serious offense because not only do you speak against your brother or sister but, in actuality anytime you gossip you are speaking against Jesus himself. We forget many times that Christ too lives in that person, whether they know him or not they are an image of him. So when we speak against anyone out loud or in our hearts we “scourge” the Lord all over again. We put him back on the cross beating him not with whips as did the Roman soldiers but with our words. Not only that but you open a door for the demons to sift you and the person you were gossiping too. Gossip is a double edge sword as it causes you to sin and the other person you were speaking too, even if they just listened it’s a sin as well. Don’t let them spread whatever it is you told them because now you have caused a greater breach for more demons to come and many more to fall into sin.

There was a story that I was told concerning Gossip where a lady went into confession and told a priest that she had sinned by Gossip. The priest told the women go home get a pillow and cut it. Then pour all the contents of the pillow outside your window. So she did as the priest instructed then came back to him he then told her to go back and pick up each feather that had been poured out the pillow. She retorted why that is impossible and the priest let her know that’s how it was when she gossiped. It will be impossible to repair the damage as it has spread everywhere.

The same goes with the contents of our hearts when we think a negative thought about someone it spreads through our hearts and all of heaven. When we then approach the Lord we come with unconfessed sin and with this stench that is so repugnant to him and all of heaven. Twice the Lord has shown me the sin of Gossip in my own heart. Once, was when I had just started to do communion and had a beautiful picture of the Lord in front of me. I had just consecrated the bread and wine then all of a sudden an invisible force knocked down the cup spilling the Lords blood everywhere and on his photo. I was completely shocked and flabbergasted, I knew this was an attack but why would the Lord allow his body and blood to be desecrated in that way. I knew I had opened a door so I went to my rhema book and I got “Gossip”. I was stiff in fear, humility and lost for words as I saw the blood just running down the picture of his face. Initially I was confused because I knew how devastating it was to Gossip and tried very hard not to speak against anyone then the Lord made me to know it was the conversations of my heart he had heard. Where I spoke against a brother in my heart. I couldn’t believe it and began to cry in repentance that I had hurt the Lord so deeply. That indeed when I spoke against this brother in my heart I had blooded the Lord all over again with my words. That is how devastating Gossip of the mouth and heart is to the Lord.

Then another time was just today, here on the mountain. I found myself discontent, grumbling in my heart having to clean a feces bucket that was for my superiors. I had thought to myself why they couldn’t do it. I immediately tried to cast down the thought but, it was too late it had slipped into my heart then I heard the Lord admonish me saying

“I respect my servants very much anyone who treats them with scorn and contempt will pay severely for it”

“Gulp” lump in throat moment wouldn’t you say? Then I got home asking the Lord what he wanted me to do with my time using my bible promises book. Which I use for discernment and I got “Gossip” another lump in my throat and of course I objected really examining my conversations I had throughout the day. However I remembered my grumbling from earlier and asked the Lord was he talking about the attitude of my heart and the negative thought I had. I got “Holy Spirit oh another lump in my throat but, the good thing is it led me to write this blog lol. As the Lord continues to have me bare my weakness and his correction in my soul so others can learn.

So what has been the conversations of your heart? If people could read your mind would it line up with what your mouth is saying? Have you had negative conversations about others in your heart as if no one can hear you forgetting God can and all of heaven? Sorry to say you are stinking right about now. So repent before the Lord in your heart and confess these thoughts with the person you were thinking so negatively about to ensure you leave no doors open for the demons to sift you. More importantly examine your heart and take every thought captive that rises up against God or your brother/sister. God bless you!

-From Jesus With Love

Holy Week: The Lord Is Looking For Fruit Of Repentance

April 17, 2019 From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

This is my first time truly observing Lent and really coming before the Lord to have his way in me. To remove anything in me that displeases him and oh how he has taken me upon that offer or better yet I don’t think it was my inclination at all. It was his and he simply wanted to let me in on what he was going to do anyway lol. So there has been a lot of trials where I can see the Lord is testing my faith, ridding me of fear, testing my patience, having temptation to return back to the lust of the world and really calling me deeper in surrender. He has had me at his feet so that I may come to know him more, grow in discernment and have deeper fellowship with the Holy Spirit.

He has had me at his feet also on Sundays, where I learn from him the most and this past Sunday woke up feeling completely exhausted after prayer as I thought to myself “Lord maybe I should go to church today because after all it is Palm Sunday. However, he put a desire in my heart that he wanted to teach me about Palm Sunday what it really means and the significance to our Christian walk. So this blog is expressing the ideas of a minister whom the Lord led me to listen too to learn the true meaning of Palm Sunday and further more Lent. It such amazing revelations and gave me a greater understanding that this “religious holiday” is not just to be recognized or just to do a devotional and then go right back to the way things were before. No, the Lord is indeed wanting to purify and call us all to repentance. A word were not really familiar with in this generation that no longer desires to be talk about sin but only God’s grace it seems thereby living like the world but professing Jesus. Furthermore, causing this generation lack greatly in personal holiness and that is what the Lord is desiring that we be holy as he is holy. He then offers “grace” to obtain that! Either way I am just like the rest for truly I am a working progress and have much willful sin the Lord is dealing in me daily Pride, Self righteousness, Jealously, Gossip, Lust the list goes on however he continues to remind me as he shows me all these hidden sin. That his grace is available for me to overcome this sins, baring fruit to really live a holy life. So may this Holy Week be a week where we all give ourselves over the Lord for him to prune us and bare fruit worthy of repentance

Palm Sunday: Fruit of Repentance Sermon Notes

Matthew 21:1-11
Now when they drew near to Jerusalem and came to Bethphage, to the Mount of Olives, then Jesus sent two disciples, ²saying to them, “Go into the village in front of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her. Untie them and bring them to me. ³If anyone says anything to you, you shall say, ‘The Lord needs them,’ and he will send them at once.” ⁴This took place to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet, saying,

“Say to the daughter of Zion,
‘Behold, your king is coming to you,
humble, and mounted on a donkey,
on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.’”

The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them. ⁷They brought the donkey and the colt and put on them their cloaks, and he sat on them. ⁸Most of the crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. ⁹And the crowds that went before him and that followed him were shouting, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!” ¹⁰And when he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred up, saying, “Who is this?” ¹¹And the crowds said, “This is the prophet Jesus, from Nazareth of Galilee.”

Bethany means “house of figs” while Btehpage is house of “un-ripe figs”
-Jesus left a house full of believers into a town of people shouting his praise who lacked repentance for they soon would be the ones to yell “crucify him”
-“Figs” symbolize Fruit of repentance The Triumphal Entry of Jesus was foreshadowing of a Parable being acted out ” the Parable of the Fig Tree”

The Parable of the Barren Fig Tree Luke 13:6-9

And he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. ⁷And he said to the vinedresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’⁸And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. ⁹Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’”

Jesus ministry was for 3 1/2 years to the Jewish people, the fig tree baring no fruit was the Jewish people and the “man” is God the father coming to retrieve fruit from his chosen people but finds none and wants to cut it off. However, our beloved Jesus the “vinedresser” tells the Father no give Jewish people more time and if not then cut them down. We know know it means to give salvation to the Gentiles first instead of the Jews who ended up rejected him!

Back to the Triumphal Entry
He rode on ass before riding on a colt , the ass represents the Jews and the Colt represents the Gentiles. The Lord came to the Jews first but they rejected him and the Gentiles repented and accepted him to receive salvation.
-The Palm leaves were a sign of great triumph not only in Christian art but victory in sports hence the crowd waiving pal branches
-During this time of lent he has been looking for fruit worthy of repentance. He has come again to check our “Fig trees”, to see if we are baring fruit worthy of repentance.
Oh, how easily we praise him with Palm leaves in our hands one day then the next we crucify him with our sinful ways actions. How easily we can be so much like the crowd, tossed too and fro in commitment from one day to the next.
Jesus knew men were fickle so he never entrusted himself to any man ( John 2:24)

The Lesson of The Fig Tree Matthew 24:32-35
And He will send out His angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather His elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other. Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as it branches become tender and sproutleaves, you know that summer is near. So also, when you see all these things, you will know that He is near, right at the door

So what is the lesson in all of this? The branches are tender in this generation Jesus is coming very soon!

Will the Lord find Holy people in his church today when he comes to check the Fig Tree? Will the Lord find fruit on your tree worthy of repentance when he comes to check?

We must commit ourselves to holiness, charity in serving others and sanctity lets ask the Lord for these graces and to prune us so we may be a fruitful bride!

-From Jesus With Love

My Confession: My Struggles with Jealousy and Being Insecure In Gods Love

April 6, 2019April 7, 2019 From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

Jesus began, “You have said it well, My Love. And thank you for including the struggle you have with jealousy.

“My dear ones, nothing will kill a church or particular body of believers as fast as jealousy. It is one of the most deadly sins, because it destroys unity and creates serious moral lapses for the sake of retaliation and competition. So many who are in the music ministry have a gift, but their hearts are far from Me. Rather, they are seeking the world’s accolades.
(still small voice http://www.heardwellers.org)

I want to be very candid and transparent in this post concerning my hidden struggles that I have had with Jealously and Insecurities in my walk with the Lord. The newest message from the Lord was posted today on Still Small Voice which is a ministry that I am apart of. Within the message Ms. Clare was very honest concerning her struggles with Jealousy as she was seeing others grow in their anointing and holiness. As I was reading all I could do was laugh because the very same things she struggles with I do too! That is what I love about her and the ministry is that not only is she anointed but, so very open about her weakness and in-capabilities. Which immediately prompted me to do this blog to confess mine as well because some may see me writing blogs, having my YouTube channel, doing fb live prayers every week, posting words of encouragement, and always speaking about intimacy with Jesus but, not knowing my very real weakness. Which should encourage anyone that the Lord loves to use hot messes which I am one of them lol

This past week in my alone time with the Lord he kept giving me scriptures on “Jealously” 4 days in a row. through my bible promises book which I use for discernment as I began to really examine my heart thinking Lord where , Lord where? At first my eyes would fall on the scripture about how God is a jealous God, so I began to think I wasnt being faithful to the Lord because there couldn’t be jealousy in my heart. ( of course not right ..oh boy lol) .You know when we try to get out of a conviction the Holy Spirit is calling out lol). After, the third day day, I was then like okay Lord you are addressing something. So Upon receiving this message he hit the nail right on the head.

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4)

You see this past few weeks the Lord has really been showing many hidden sins in my heart that offend him as he is calling me to holiness and pureness of heart. He has began to show me that I was insecure in my love with the him. Why was I still desiring others approval or love from others and when I didn’t get I felt rejected. You would think after spending hours in prayer and worship with the Lord every morning I would come out feeling so secure about who I was in him but, as he has made me aware “I was seeking him but, didn’t trust him”. So then a situation would occur during the day and I would be hit with arrows of rejection because of the response I would get from others. Then a friend candidly said to me “Nana you do all these videos on youtube, you talk about intimacy with Jesus but, your not deeply rooted and ground in Gods love that’s why you still struggle with wanting love from others.” I thought to myself wow isn’t that so true. Especially when dealing with relationship of any form we tend too look for the people in our lives to provide that love for us and they never fully fulfill that role only Jesus can. However, I was still insecure in my relationship with Jesus which affected everything else. I needed to be deeply rooted and grounded in his love for me that I could be made whole.

I realize when I was insecure about Gods love for me I looked for those around me to provide that security of love
Being insecure about Gods love for me I began to look to others for validation
Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to question the sincerity of others love towards me
Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love guarded not with my whole heart
Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love the Lord half halfheartedly and not with my whole heart
Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to fear being hurt by others
Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to compare myself ultimately causing me to have Jealous thought towards others

So because of the root cause of my lack of security and trust in my identity in Christ I found myself having Jealous thoughts toward a dear friend. In the most subtle ways but, of course not to God and the saints. Our thoughts are so very loud before all of heaven lol As someone who is called to lead others this demon of Jealousy is so terrible and easily causes deep breaches of division, and not only quench the Spirit of God in ministry but ruin your soul eek! Furthermore, the Lord has made me known that laziness and jealousy goes hand in hand. Those who have are anointed by the Lord have worked very hard so many times is our lack of application that causes us to be Jealous of others. So I am glad to be exposing it and getting the darkness out!

I found myself being territorial of a fb page I was called to run. I need help so I asked her to assist me with the page however, when she began to really take over the page and do things without asking. giving suggestion. I found Jealously rising in my heart in being territorial of something that wasnt mine in the first place but it’s the Lords ( I mean can anyone relate). Then secondly we both decided to do prayers on fb live first together then separately. We began to do at the same time and day. As time went out I would find myself seeing her prayer video but, my eyes falling on how many views and comments she got versus me. (I mean can anyone relate) Lastly I found myself comparing her messages from Jesus to mine. As she would share what the Lord was telling her as we are both learning to discern the Lords voice. Her messages sounded so regal and wise full of authority. However my messages sounded so simple, like my own thoughts and the devils would get me to just want to give up pressing in to hear Gods voice. ( I mean can anyone relate ). lol I mean comparison is a death trap! I found these were all the issue of my heart ;however outwardly everything seemed find. Until, the Lord began to call out all this hidden sin and offenses that were going on that no one else knew about but, him. He first had me confess it to my dear friend in which I am so grateful for our unique relationship because she was so gracious and just laughed. Wheew, I thank the Lord for his faithfulness as he continues to tell me to shine the light on the dark places in my heart that others may have the freedom to do the same thing. One thing I also felt he told me was that I am unique, I have a set of people he has anointed for me to draw to himself so it makes no sense to compare. All that do will continue to be different from anyone else because of the unique souls I am called to reach. That is the same for each of us, when we began to compare it kills Gods unique anointing upon our lives because there are people I am called to reach with my looks, my height, with my voice, with my experiences, with my weaknesses, failures etc that they can relation too but, not to someone else.

So I don’t know if you have dealt with this or are dealing with this especially in ministry its okay lol Its just not okay to stay there I have learned that there is so much freedom in confession sins truly. It liberates you and the other person. So if you have had this struggle with someone I encourage you to open and tell them you would be amazed they may have some of the same feelings towards you as well which gives them freedom to share their weakness. So lets embrace our uniqueness and most importantly be deeply rooted in Gods love!

My Prayer for myself and for you: Ephesians 3

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, ¹⁵from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, ¹⁶that He would grant us according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, ¹⁷that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith; that we, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— ¹⁹to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that we may be filled with all the fullness of God and come to embrace our unique identity in him in Jesus name!

-From Jesus With Love

The Sin of Job…”Woe is Me”

March 15, 2019March 15, 2019 From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

This the first time I have given myself over in Lent truly allow the Lord to do surgery upon my heart and have his way in me. As it is a time of purification as the Lord draws you nearer to produce holiness. He mentioned it would be challenging and how it has been to say the least. As he been showing me many hidden sins within myself that have been a hindrance to what he has called me to and to holiness. He has allowed many test and trials which I seemed to fail right after the other because of the same vices. I began to get frustrated, discouraged and found myself in self pity as I was thinking but Lord I have done all you have asked, I have done this..and that and this…and holy spirit continued to give reading in Job during my time of communion. As I finally realized he was pointing out one major hidden sin which was the sin of Job, the “woe is me sin”. The sin of Self Righteousness and Self Pity.

Job 32:2-4

So these three men stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. ²But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God. ³He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, and yet had condemned him.

If I can be honest many times I have heard of the story of job and read the last chapter but not the entire book and I never quite understood why his friends were reprimanded by God or understood why Job was severely chastised by the Lord. It was God who told Satan that he was righteous Job 2:6-22. However, as you see in Job 31, Job goes on to tell his friends all the sin’s had not committed to be worthy of this suffering he was going thru. Which sounded just like me when the Lord would reveal another hidden sin I would go on this rant within my heart regrading all the the sins I hadn’t done because it was utterly despondent to find myself falling into sin everyday. Until, the Holy Spirit began to show me it is my Self righteousness that causes me to go into self pity when the Lord allows more suffering or reveals sin because there is nothing I can do within myself to ever be clean before him. It is Christ righteousness that makes me clean and therefore whatever he allows I deserve because he took the worst punishment which was death. Which I never have to taste because of what Christ has done.

I was humbled to say the least and really began to see the depravity of my immense pride that still lingered now in self righteousness and contending with the Lord by going into self pity when he allowed these ever fiery trials as I deserved his consolation or relief. He has been truly teaching me what it means to be a “living sacrifice” and to be yielded in “Total Surrender” which means to be a wounded prisoner of his love. Suffering with Christ and as Job finally stated “if he slay me, yet I will praise him” (Job 13:15). I believe the Lord is looking for us all as believers to come to that place of maturity that though he slays our flesh yet we will praise him! For many of us we are not willing to suffer or even surrender in suffering because we murmur, complain, get discouraged and worse go in self pity thinking we don’t deserve what the Lord is allow which will lead us all into self righteousness.

However, the Lord is faith and even though he is sovereign and he has divine providence over each our lives with whatever he allows which is always right and just. He is a good good Father as he has been reminding me in this season of Lent. That although this process of purification is painful and challenging he promises to restore. Always that nothing we sacrifice or endure is without merit in due time if we don’t give up. He is faithful to restore, establish and strengthen us. Just as Job, whose later days were far more glorious, joyful, fulfilling and fruitful more than the former. So my friend lets continue to endure and say yes to Jesus to whatever he ask of us, whatever he takes from us, and whatever failures we face. We say yes to you Jesus, we thank you for your righteousness that you clothe me us with and give us he grace to rejoice in our suffering in Jesus name!

-From Jesus with Love

Job 31

What Can I Expect from God?

31 ^1-4“I made a solemn pact with myself
    never to undress a girl with my eyes.
So what can I expect from God?
    What do I deserve from God Almighty above?
Isn’t calamity reserved for the wicked?
    Isn’t disaster supposed to strike those who do wrong?
Isn’t God looking, observing how I live?
    Doesn’t he mark every step I take?

^5-8“Have I walked hand in hand with falsehood,
    or hung out in the company of deceit?
Weigh me on a set of honest scales
    so God has proof of my integrity.
If I’ve strayed off the straight and narrow,
    wanted things I had no right to,
    messed around with sin,
Go ahead, then—
    give my portion to someone who deserves it.

^9-12“If I’ve let myself be seduced by a woman
    and conspired to go to bed with her,
Fine, my wife has every right to go ahead
    and sleep with anyone she wants to.
For disgusting behavior like that,
    I’d deserve the worst punishment you could hand out.
Adultery is a fire that burns the house down;
    I wouldn’t expect anything I count dear to survive it.

^13-15“Have I ever been unfair to my employees
    when they brought a complaint to me?
What, then, will I do when God confronts me?
    When God examines my books, what can I say?
Didn’t the same God who made me, make them?
    Aren’t we all made of the same stuff, equals before God?

^16-18“Have I ignored the needs of the poor,
    turned my back on the indigent,
Taken care of my own needs and fed my own face
    while they languished?
Wasn’t my home always open to them?
    Weren’t they always welcome at my table?

^19-20“Have I ever left a poor family shivering in the cold
when they had no warm clothes?
Didn’t the poor bless me when they saw me coming,
knowing I’d brought coats from my closet?

^21-23“If I’ve ever used my strength and influence
    to take advantage of the unfortunate,
Go ahead, break both my arms,
    cut off all my fingers!
The fear of God has kept me from these things—
    how else could I ever face him?

If Only Someone Would Give Me a Hearing!

^24-28“Did I set my heart on making big money
    or worship at the bank?
Did I boast about my wealth,
    show off because I was well-off?
Was I ever so awed by the sun’s brilliance
    and moved by the moon’s beauty
That I let myself become seduced by them
    and worshiped them on the sly?
If so, I would deserve the worst of punishments,
    for I would be betraying God himself.

^29-30“Did I ever crow over my enemy’s ruin?
Or gloat over my rival’s bad luck?
No, I never said a word of detraction,
never cursed them, even under my breath.

^31-34“Didn’t those who worked for me say,
    ‘He fed us well. There were always second helpings’?
And no stranger ever had to spend a night in the street;
    my doors were always open to travelers.
Did I hide my sin the way Adam did,
    or conceal my guilt behind closed doors
Because I was afraid what people would say,
    fearing the gossip of the neighbors so much
That I turned myself into a recluse?
    You know good and well that I didn’t.

^35-37“Oh, if only someone would give me a hearing!
    I’ve signed my name to my defense—let the
        Almighty One answer!
    I want to see my indictment in writing.
Anyone’s welcome to read my defense;
    I’ll write it on a poster and carry it around town.
I’m prepared to account for every move I’ve ever made—
    to anyone and everyone, prince or pauper.

^38-40“If the very ground that I farm accuses me,
    if even the furrows fill with tears from my abuse,
If I’ve ever raped the earth for my own profit
    or dispossessed its rightful owners,
Then curse it with thistles instead of wheat,
    curse it with weeds instead of barley.”

The words of Job to his three friends were finished.

Jesus’s Farting Bride

January 15, 2019 From Jesus With Love4 Comments

I know this is a very candid title and its meant to be that way. You might be thinking whaa wait but stay with me I am going somewhere with this lol. Yup, That is me Jesus’s Farting Bride” I’d like to think I gave myself that title but I believe it was inspired by Holy Spirit , He truly has a sense of humor and a lesson in everything. It all began a few months ago, okay fine if I can be honest a lot longer than that lol. after eating a heavy leafy meal I entered into the Lord’s presence to spend some quality time with him. I positioned myself nicely in my prayer closet, set the mood with my pillow, music play list and lamp for low lighting. As soon as I began to worship I felt his sweet presence, so real and so warm surrounding me. However, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the sudden stirring in my belly, as bubbles and gas swirled around withing me. As I kept thinking “no…no not right now, not in his presence please not now.” (side note: Anytime the Lord manifest his presence its like he is literally there, which he is. So I always imagine him sitting across from me Indian style or just holding me because He is..and then it happened.) I couldn’t hold it any longer and I just let it rip. Oh guys it was a long one, and they just kept coming and coming as different songs would play. I was completely embarrassed as the smell just filled up the closet, I mean utterly embarrassed. Thinking what does Jesus think of me, as I began to apologize to him shamefully. Then a break finally between the songs was an advertisement by Febreze about a husband and wife who had to clean up stinky clothes and the jingle went ” When what you love stinks, when what you love stinks”. I opened my eyes in shock realizing how indeed every present Jesus is knowing that it was from him I bust out with laughter! lol JESUS HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR!

In that moment I felt he began to speak to my heart that He doesn’t see as men sees nor does He smell like men smell. To him worship is a sweet aroma to him a fragrant offering in which he delights in. It doesn’t matter how I come to him or anyone for that matter. It made me think of the homeless, those who may be bed ridden with sores and open wounds, those who are impoverished and feel they don’t look good enough to step into a church because “man” have made it that way. We have become so carnal in nature that often judge each other according to the flesh and not the spirit. We have made the look and the culture of many congregation more important than the people that enter the building. We often times will keep people at a distance because of how they look.The homeless have experienced that too many times. Where many would keep them at an arms distance rather then hug and love on them. Further more, because of mans response to us when we are in this state we tend to think God is the same way. That you have to come to him when your cleaned up or you have to bring your Sunday’s best when you enter church. We also tend to have that same attitude with one another as believers. Where we become so fearful of people seeing our weaknesses that we began to where mask behind our struggles and easily try to keep up with others expectation of what a “strong faith filled believer” is suppose to be like. So we too don’t want anyone to smell the stench of our mess.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have ^[a]refused him. For^[b] the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

What actually smells to the Lord is sin. Yup, sin before the Lord and the cloud of witness is like as he said it once in a prophetic message “its like putting your face in dog excrement” phee weew. Isaiah 65:5 They say, ‘Keep to yourself, don’t come near me, for I am too holy for you!’ These practices are smoke in My nostrils, a fire that burns all day long. So think how many people walk around looking good on the outside but before the presence of God stink terribly and how many people are judged outwardly but their hearts are a sweet fragrance before the Lord. So I want to encourage you that Jesus is so ever present whether he manifest his presence or not doesn’t change the fact that he i with you, right now in this moment. Sharing this experience you and all your experiences for that matter. He is a God that does life with us so there is no area in your life or in your past that you need to be ashamed of or hide it from him because guess what…he was there. He doesn’t judge you, condemn you or is even ashamed of you rather he encourages, approves of you and loves you deeply. I think He would also like for you not to take yourself so seriously and I’m sure would love to bring laughter to the many embarrassing moment in your life. That’s who Jesus is, the God, the bridegroom who Loves us even when we stink! lol

P.S. Bring your stinkiness to him

-From Jesus With Love

Jesus Says ” Get Ready For The Journey”

October 18, 2018 From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

This is a prophetic messages from Heartdwellers.org given too Ms. Clare Dubois however the Lord gave this message as a rhema this morning and had me really examining my heart. Seeking the Holy Spirit for hidden sins in my heart and areas where I haven’t repented. The Lord has told us that the rapture is pending and he is coming for a bride who is spotless and without blemish. Its not just good enough that we have salvation but he is coming for a bride with a pure heart. We cannot be perfect but he is looking for “perfect repentance”. A bride who is desiring to be holy as her bridegroom is holy. Here is the message below:

The Lord Jesus is preparing us Heartdwellers. He’s on His
way and wants His Bride ready.

Jesus began “Getting ready. Getting ready to meet Me. Preparing their hearts before My mirror and asking forgiveness for what they see that is not right. “All these years My people have gone one of two ways: being constantly guilty or constantly OK – like, ‘nothing wrong here.’ But now I am asking for a deeper look. A more candid look, not glossing anything over. It is incomprehensible to you, My children, the demands of personal holiness. Because of My mercy, much is overlooked. But rather than be shocked, as that young boy Nathan was when he stood before his audience and his sins were revealed. I want you to spend time with My Holy Spirit and ask Him to reveal the darkness still inside of you.

“When you discover it, I don’t want you going over the deep end. I already knew it was there. All I want for you to do is confess it, ask forgiveness and make a resolution in your heart to avoid those sins and pray for the grace not to repeat them. You see, though you fall and are not perfect, because you confess and work on it I will forgive you and continue to pour out the graces you need to finally overcome your faults. You do not have to be perfect but you do need to be perfectly repentant

“The heart of this exercise is preparation and readiness to face Me. So much will be forgiven and removed on the way up to Heaven, but I do insist that you forgive everyone that ever offended you. I don’t want this experience marred by unforgiveness.

“What may help you in that area is that whoever was a challenge and injured you, had My permission. I am not the author of evil, but I did allow it as a challenge in loving others and dying to yourself. So, ultimately you can only blame Me for allowing it. Therefore be sure that you forgive the person, that you forgive yourself, and that you forgive Me. Cover all three bases. Ask Me to remove the root of bitterness you allowed to grow in your heart and defile it. There most certainly is a root of bitterness in every one of you. It is your job, with My Holy Spirit to identify it, renounce it and pray I will remove it.

“This exercise should not take you long, and it will not hinder your going into eternity. There are many of you that could be detained for unforgiveness. If you have bitterness in your heart, it is the ugliest of stains and will show right on the front of your wedding gown. So, be sure to rid yourself of that. Disarm it. By that I mean, refuse to allow it to pull you into a fury. Renounce this anger and unforgiveness in My Name, and refuse to connect with it. If you are faithful to make an honest effort, I will surely be faithful to totally remove it.

“Selfishness is another flaw that you should repent of. Look for those times when you could have done something for another but didn’t bother. Either because you didn’t want to or you didn’t feel up to it. Do you know that many times I heal a malady because you went out of yourself to give, even when you were sick? There is a dynamic here.

“Satan knows ahead of time, sometimes, that a test is coming, or that you will rub shoulders with someone really in need. So he sends demons to push all your buttons, get you upset and distracted so you miss the good deed you should have done. This is oh, so common. When you see a multitude of things pushing your buttons, be on the look out for the ‘why’ of all those distractions. Is there someone coming to you for help, is there a meeting planned, is there an occasion of some sort?”

I would just like to say something here. Before ministry appointments? Oh, my goodness. We get barrages of provocative situations to wear us out before our appointment. This is so typical. I remember all the way back, I can remember these occasions all the way back 25 years ago, where the enemy tried to get us upset before an appointment.

Jesus continued, “Understand that the demons also have limited energy, so they pick their opportunities to trouble you according to the importance of what is coming up in your life. If it is very important and they know about it ahead of time (which they mostly do because they alert one another that such and such is going to happen or so and so is on the way) they quickly put 2 and 2 together, seeing that there is an occasion of virtue and helping another soul in need. They try to distract you or get you to cancel the meeting. Or they wear you out so you have nothing left for that person I’m sending you. Who, by the way, was very important to Me

Another thing to be aware of in selfishness is the self-important attitude, ‘I’m to busy for the likes of you.’ The ‘you aren’t important enough to me to stop what I’m doing.’ attitude. This is abhorrent to Me. Now we are getting into PRIDE, which is truly at the root of all evil. Selfishness will lead to Pride and selfrighteousness. Look for those times when your conscience twinged and you ignored it. Those are very good indicators of hidden sin.

“My Beautiful Bride, I am not saying these things to make you feel badly. I am saying them so you will stand clean before me. Sin is dirty. Unconfessed sin continues to be dirty. But sin confessed and forgiven exists no longer, it has been cancelled out. I want all My Brides to have their sins cancelled out.

“Self-will, selfish ambition and jealousy that cause you to follow your own path rather than Mine, are also important to confess. If you are not sure, better safe than sorry. Better knowing that you recognized it than hiding it and having Me bring it up. Oh, so much better.

“Here is a list for you to use in checking your behavior: Fear, Pride, Jealousy, Judgment, Anger, Laziness, Greed (acquisition), Gluttony, and Lust.

“Pay particular attention to those things that you do habitually when you know in your spirit you should be doing otherwise. They are an indication of disorder in your life and idolatry, because you put them before Me. These are indeed wrinkles in your dress.

“As I said before, this is not to discourage or reprimand you. It is to prepare you to meet Me without spot, wrinkle or blemish.

“A spot is something you allow to defile you, something you watch you shouldn’t have watched, something you said you shouldn’t have said, a feeling you engaged that you should have rejected.

“A blemish is an indication of inner contamination of the spirit. It comes up because something isn’t right inside. It could be an attitude that contaminates everything you do, like selfishness, fear, retaliation.

“A wrinkle is formed by a long-standing habit of sinful or disordered behavior. Having to work on Sunday, because you are in debt over your head, is the symptom of a wrinkle. The avarice caused you to want and to buy, then to pay it off you must deny Me the time I ask you to set aside every week for rest and rejuvenation with Me.

“Some of you are forced to work on Sunday or the Sabbath because that is the only work you could get. I am not legalistically condemning you for this. Did I not pick grains on the Sabbath? Did I not heal on the Sabbath? There is an attitude of heart that is so greedy that every spare moment is used to procure what is wanted.

” Wow…do I know about that…

“There is another attitude of heart that sets aside another day for Me when the appointed days are taken up out of necessity

“I wish for you not to get into arguments about which day of the week is holy. I will not instruct you on this, because it leads to a religious spirit. I want your heart, not your lip service and obedience to the law. Yes, I can hear the stones flying through the air now. This attitude of heart is deadly to a personal relationship with Me. You will note, it was the scribes and pharisees that refused their hearts to Me, because I did not support their Sabbath rules in a way suitable to them.

“Do you know what one of their main concerns was with Me? I threatened their income from the sale of sacrifices and coin changing. Yes, they garnered quite a nice income on all that went on in the temple

precincts and their greatest threat was that they no longer would have an income from these illicit activities. That is a wrinkle. The habit of having more and better caused them to twist their consciences in order to provide for their excesses.

“Some of you, especially the young ones, will over-react in fear to this. Please, My precious dear ones, this is not condemnation of you. It is to make you aware of the righteousness of God and how very deep it goes. Most of you do not have properly formed consciences. You were not raised on the Word in a holy household. So I must take you back to those roots and reveal to you how some of the things you were never taught are important.

“But I am not a legalistic God. I am full of mercy, understanding and forgiveness. I want your heart. I want you to love Me, to trust Me, to come to Me and speak with Me about your weaknesses, your sin and insecurities and fears. I want to help you overcome these things.

“If you have something you cannot change and you fear it is displeasing to Me, talk to Me about it. I will help you.It may not even be wrong-doing on your part. It may very well be from the father of lies, who is continually trying to make you feel badly about yourself.

“Yes! Condemnation is his favorite tool. Why, you ask? Because if he can convince you that you are bad and worthless, and that I am a severe judge, you will avoid Me and never come into My arms and trust Me.

“So, do not over-react to this message. Rather take it as a checklist. You are going on a journey, you need to get your things together. Work on your list and I will help you with each thing you are afraid to face. Use your Bible Promises to verify whether something is right or wrong. Watch for things in your environment, a sign from Me: a bird singing, a heart shape in your food or a leaf on the ground. A love song in the store, a sweet wash of contentment suddenly flooding over your soul. These are ways I encourage you and show you that I am not only with you but I approve of you and all your efforts are indeed pleasing to Me.

“So, what I am telling you, in a nutshell, is simply prepare yourself in repentance to meet Me. Just as you would wash and shower before a big event, wash yourself in My love and forgiveness. Don’t be afraid to confess anything. Remember, I was there when it happened and I will forgive what you confess. Let’s do this together.

“I am all for you, I will sustain you in your weakness, I will not abandon you. I love you deeply, do not be afraid.”

Swimming In the Ocean Of Gods Mercy

June 22, 2018June 22, 2018 From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

Isaiah 30:18

So the Lord wants to show you kindness. He waits on high to have loving-pity on you. For the Lord is a God of what is right and fair. And god will come to all those who hope in Him

The Lord just gave me this scripture after falling again…(sigh) just right after I got out of prayer with him and gave me scriptures on Obedience. I was telling the Lord man you are humbling me I cant seem to go an hour without a fall Lord . So instead of running from him I ran to him and received Mercy. Oh how kind and sweet our God is indeed if we just run to him. I have been asking the Lord to humble me and he has indeed doing that where he is really revealing all my hidden sins and struggles which causes me not to even think to judge others or walk in pride because I see how weak I am and indeed of his mercy so that i may give others mercy as well.

Luke 6:36
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

This past week I have found myself falling in every way and every day in faultfinding, quick tempered, impatient and even gossip under the guise of “lets pray for them” lol You know we have all been there and done that which is an offense before the Lord. You see I prayed for the lord to purify my heart and he has been doing just that where I am able to feel it…yes I feel heat on my back and pain in my body when I have fallen which is a grace and a gift he allows. Which I believe he has given to many of his other brides to keep us spiritually healthy and in check. It causes me to run to him immediately with this wonderful (trying not to be sarcastic here…Lord forgive me) answered pray the Lord has given me. I found myself being taunted by the enemy that it seemed I couldn’t do anything right, I began to feel so down and discouraged almost to the point of hopelessness. However, after having a conversation with a friend she reminded me that it was great the Lord has really called me to purity and I am always willing to confess even the littlest offenses to others which gives her room to d the same but it seems like I dwell there. That I didn’t need to dwell there, yes I had fallen but the Lord had already made a way for all my sins, so confess , repent and move forward. I am not sure why something clicked in that moment and decided I wouldn’t allow the enemy to continue to use my faults against me any longer

In prayer the Lord showed me the most beautiful image of me just swimming, more like floating in this beautiful crystal clear pristine VAST ocean as the sun was kissing my face. I was in pure joy and the Holy spirit said ” You are swimming in the ocean of Gods mercy”. Many times the enemy will use our faults against us especially those the Lord has called to intimacy because we so want to please him in everything we do and can be devastated when we sin against him but, the Lord was reminded me of his mercy.

Mercy:

noun

1.compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

power to punish or harm.

Somewhere along the way I had taken my eyes of Jesus and so much on my weakness that I have forgotten He always makes a way available for us all and that is his mercy. The Ocean of Gods mercy is endless, never ending, so peaceful, so filled with love and readily available for all those who humble themselves and boldly come before their Fathers throne to receive it. I am definitely in a season of swimming in the Ocean of Gods Mercy as I continue to be tested tried, fall, repent receive mercy to be tested again. If it wasnt for his mercy I am not sure where I would be….well maybe I do lol Jesus is so tender is so patience in the midst of this that I felt him say in my heart yesterday “its okay, tomorrow is another day just try to do better tomorrow” just to fall again….

What does Jesus have to say….”Beloved, its okay tomorrow is another day try to do better tomorrow walk in obedience to my every word and you will have peace as you continue to swim in the Ocean of my mercy, I love you my dove, oh how I love you. Don’t be discouraged by your weakness but continue to boast in them as you bring them before me so I can strengthen you with more graces”. So if you find yourself struggling with your weaknesses and sin before Lord don’t run away from him but jump, jump, JUMP into the Ocean of his mercy which is readily available for you, He loves you!

-From Jesus with Love

Jesus Is Saying, “Honey I am Home….”

May 8, 2018May 9, 2018 From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

” Honey I am Home”…. a popular phrase that was coined by a tv show in the 1990’s that has come back to me this week during my alone time with the Lord. As he reminds me many times throughout the day Nana, Honey I am Home’. When I get too caught up with distractions or busyness of this life that can so easily take my heart and mind off my sweet bridegroom. Who is waiting on me to break away from the world just so I can come into the chambers of my heart to be with him, where he dwells. Indeed our bodies, our hearts are his home where he desires to dine with us, be with us in a very real way.

Revelation 3:20
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Many people are desiring intimacy with Jesus but, it will cost you. It will cost you giving up the many “so called good” things of this world that re impure and filthy in the Lords eyes. He is looking for a pure heart to dwell in. A heart that has made room for him to live and glean consolations from. The many “good” things seem harmless to us but to the Lord its sinful, offensive, toxic and unholy. We have to recognize that Jesus lives within us what we eat, watch, listen too, what we do is also done to him because his spirit dwells in our temples which is our bodies. So every time you sit down to watch that movie Jesus is watching it, when you listen to that worldly song Jesus is hearing it, when you eat food that is so unhealthy to your body Jesus is eating it, when you talk about others, gossip, slander, cast judgement Jesus hears it all. We serve a God who is holy and desires that we are holy as well so he may dwell in us at a greater capacity.

Matthew 25: 1:5
At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. ²Five of them were foolish and five were wise. ³The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. ⁴The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. ⁵The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

If you have heard the story of the 10 Virgins that is a perfect example of 5 brides who carried the oil of intimacy and 5 who once where intimate but, fell asleep. We can liken that to the times we are living in where many were once on fire for the Lord and have now fallen to sleep in lukewarmness. Jesus is looking for a temple, a body, a heart, a bride whose home is committed to purity. That just like a real husband who is headed home from a long days work would want his home to be his safe haven. A wife who has kept up the house, has dinner ready and waiting upon her husband to pamper him and love on him. What man wouldn’t want to come home everyday to that! lol Jesus is the exact same way. He is so very real with a deep deep desire and longing for his brides. His eyes search the whole world and after enduring a long day of eternal work, a long day of being rejected, blasphemed, spoken again, ignored and taking advantage of by so many other souls in the world. He rushes back to his bride who is burning with an oil of intimacy, He rushes to the chamber of the hearts of those who are commitment to purity, from sin of this world, who always keep their thoughts and mind on him by making a throne room in their hearts for him to sit after a longs day work. A bride who is ready to sit at his feet in prayer at any moment when he calls for her. He longs to hear and smell the sweet fragrance of her worship and praise because no man wants a nagging complaining wife not even Jesus! Now to that bride when he calls he simply says “Honey I am Home”!

Will you allow your heart to truly be the resting place for Jesus? Commit yourself to purity so our bridegroom can have another place he can call his Heaven on Earth!

-From Jesus With Love

Still Small Voice Youtube Channel/ Heartdwellers Ministery
Message Jesus Answers His Bride How To Hear & See Me
“I know. Oh, how I love each and every one that is seeking Me. That is why I am here to explain the direction they need to take. You know the things that offend Me. Sin offends Me very much. Sin in clothing, or lack of it, sin in violence, crime, hatred, gossip, backbiting, jealousy, adulteries. Soap operas are the epitome of sin and extremely noxious to Me. Like your-nose-in-fresh-dog-excrement noxious. I mean very, very bad. These things not only offend Me but also the Heavenly court, the angels and the saints. Yet in your world they are matter-of-fact, part of everyday life.

“How can I embrace a Bride, when her mind is full of filth such as this? These things have half- lives, they linger and linger and linger. Over and over again I must see these things as they are recalled to your memory.

“Do you understand, “Blessed are the pure for they shall see God.”? Do you now understand why so many cannot find Me in their prayers? Yes, seek Me until you find Me, but first, clean your house. Come to Me clean, create a throne room in your heart that is undefiled with the filth of this world. And I must say it is not only filth, but worldliness that is offensive to Me.

“Carnal preoccupations with cooking, sewing, decorating, buying, selling, having this and having that. Shopping. Wanting this and wanting that. Oh, those idols are detestable to Me and when I find that kind of clutter in a heart, I want to run the other way. And when I see that a soul prefers that to My company, well… My heart collapses in sadness. Oh, how could you prefer these worthless idols to Me, how could you?”

Wholly Given Over To Holiness

January 2, 2018January 2, 2018 From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

(Kevin Carden Photography)

I heard a pastor say that this millennial generation has some of the best preaching, teachings and catchy lines since the church began because we have podcast, old sermons, great man and and woman of God we can glean from. As the the word of God says in the latter days knowledge would increase. So we have obtain much knowledge to feed our generation but we lack more than any generation….personal holiness.
How many of us have allowed the word of God to transform our heart, our minds and our way of life? Its not just about catchy phrases, cute apparel, how much wisdom you know or how well you can recite another preachers sermon but how have you allowed the word of God to take root to transform your life.

1 Peter 1:16
Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy

Interestingly the Lord never said ” YOU ARE holy for I am holy…..no he said BE Holy for I am holy. That means there is a part that all believers take part in the work and process of becoming holy. Yielding yourself completely to the holy spirit not even knowing the cost but giving yourself solely and whole heartily to it because you love Jesus. Not out of obligation or religious superiority but out of the love for the God that you serve to be more like him. The Holy Spirit is who empowers us to live holy lives before the Lord. I just love this statement “ We will not successfully resist the temptation of hollow, fleeting pleasures if we live in a “fascination vacuum.” We must be preoccupied with a superior fascination. A spiritually bored believer is vulnerable to Satan when he comes knocking at their door—that is why sins of our flesh are running rampant in the Body of Christ. But my point is not to give a list of other preoccupations; rather, to say that the reason that so many believers are addicted to fleshly pleasures is because they live in a spiritual vacuum. They have settled down and become content to live in spiritual boredom. I urge you not to be content to live this way. The key to successfully resisting temptation is not just loving Jesus in a vague, general way and hoping to avoid sin. We need something that really grips us spiritually. We need to live fascinated! Fascinated with God. I am not talking about going to Bible school, going on a missions trip, or being on an outreach team. We need something far more gripping than that: in the secret place of our lives we need to know and experience more of Jesus.”

What does Holiness look like? that “The call to holiness is a call to enjoy God. Holiness is not a call to miss out on fun. Yes, we are missing out sinful activities, but our heart is not missing out. Those activities will never satisfy you, nor will they refresh you or deeply connect you to other people. They will keep you broken, isolated, and disconnected”

Psalm 37:3–4
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart

As the Lord continues to take me on the journey of Holiness I have learned that the way to holiness is delighting yourself in the things of God, letting go of world pleasures and comforts that truly will never satisfy. Most importantly relying on Gods grace and asking the Holy Spirit for help when the Lord desires for me to let go of something I want to hold onto. How we will make a difference in this world as believers is when we look separate from the world, walking in righteousness, holiness and carrying the presence of God to a dark, lonely, hopeless and dying world. The apostles and saints of old lived holy lives and I have come to see unfortunately in this generation to pursue living a life of holiness you are immediately called “legalistic”, or “religious” but obedience is not legalism it is just that …..obedience. Our generation needs to take the word of God a lot more serious because indeed Jesus is serious about his word. I remember first reading the bible with the Holy Spirit and I began to be so convicted of my lifestyle. I thought I could still profess Jesus and do what I desire thinking he would understand…when I asked him Jesus you are really serious about your word, I didn’t expect to him to respond until he said YES. I thought to myself….ooooh lol, thats when the Holy Spirit began to do a radical change in my heart and in my life as I continue to climb this mountain of holiness with Jesus. Falling many times in the process but yielding myself to his correction and his mercy and grace to MAKE ME HOLY AS HE IS HOLY

-From Jesus With Love

Prophetic Message From Jesus
Jesus began “As in everything we have done before, turtle steps; the steady, unwavering tortoise wins over the impetuous hare. And My Mercies are new every morning as you pursue the course set out for you. Just be aware, My love, continually, that you are moving towards the goal of detachment from all earthly values, even the opinions of men. Shall the servant of God hearken to the wisdom of men? No.”

“I’m calling you to live a holy life no matter which life you choose. But if you choose holiness with great consistency, you will find it increasingly hard to live in the world. That is why I am forever telling you who are young on this channel to leave the world and join a mission effort. But you will have to come to Me and ask for courage, because everyone will come against you in your decision.

When You Mess Up, Don’t Run From Him But Too Him

October 2, 2017October 3, 2017 From Jesus With Love1 Comment

I found myself this weekend kind of avoiding my alone time with the Lord as my heart and mind were swarming with thoughts of discouragement, frustration, weariness, discontent, and confusion. For the past couple of days I have been having difficulty in hearing from the Lord clearly and I would seek him for a rhema word yet not really understand what he was directing me to do. I was getting words from him about “Laziness” twice in a row (eeeh I hate getting that besides sin and pride, makes me cringe) The rhema book provided scriptures on slothfulness so anytime the Holy Spirit gives me laziness it definitively not a good thing. He then also gave me rhemas about specifically being given priceless gifts from heaven and I need to use them or on that day before the Lord I will have many sorrows. So I felt the Holy Spirit telling me I am being passive or lazy about work, ministry work to be exact. Not utilizing my gifts for the kingdom with the time he has given me. The confusion came because I am not working at this time which I strongly believe was a commission from the Lord to trust him to open the door to the place he wants me at and not just any job. Then he gave me another rhema of “Submitting to Authority” I began to see how serious he was thinking what have I missed because I have been patiently waiting for 8 months, so getting this word twice threw me in a spat of confusion. Which of course opened the door to the enemies oppression.

James 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I began to entertain lies from the enemy and get in my flesh. I found myself complaining and honestly being frustrated with the Lord ( I know) but, I was. It has been difficult this season being back home believing it was God’s will. Babysitting watching my nieces pretty mush the whole half of the day whiles my sister works. Then trying to squeeze ministry work in late at night even staying up way into the AM just to get things done. So as I began to resist the Lords admonishments I opened my heart to receive all the arrows of the enemy saying ” I missed God”, “whats the point”, “everything I am doing is in vain anyway” “what I am doing is not good enough”, “He was the one who told you to come here so how can he expect you to be focused in this environment”. Yes I began to entertain all these thoughts and lies, as I did I began to run to food for comfort as well in the midst of my fast, just feeling like throwing in the towel to give up already. Thoughts of overwhelming sadness, my heart hurting, disappointment grief, and condemnation came over me. So I knew I had to rush into prayer to repent, ask the Lord to clean my heart but I had been avoiding this the whole day. I knew Jesus doesn’t condemn but, I kept thinking oh how I bet he will be disappointment and I deserve this oppression and to be honest I just didn’t feel like praying .

(SIDE NOTE: SPIRITUAL WARFARE 101 Whenever in your walk with the Lord you don’t feel like praying that’s when you NEED TO PRAY all that the more!)

However, when I finally stop fighting my flesh and got into prayer so I can pour my heart out before the Lord in tears. I saw a picture impression upon my heart, of course it wasnt a mad God who had his finger pointing at me saying “how could you”, I am mad at you, or even disappointment. No, I saw Jesus with the sweetest smile just waiting and before I could say or do anything I felt him say “Come hear” and he held me ever so tightly so close to his heart as my head was under his chin. All I could do was began to cry and cry. After a few of him holding me I wanted to let go and look him in the face and he wouldn’t let me as if to say. Its okay, just rest hear don’t be so quick to do anything but just stay right here and He held me even more tightly with the greatest compassion and love. I was like Jesus I don’t deserve this, and he said your right you don’t but its my mercy and love for you, that will never change. We had the sweetest communion and of course the Holy Spirit picked the best songs about falling short, stumbling into sin and the last to not give up!

I realized in prayer that I had been walking in a posture of entitlement before the Lord which the root is all pride. That in giving my whole life to the Lord and upon walking in obedience in the midst of this suffering I deserved some things and If they were not coming I had every right to be frustrated. I couldn’t believe how nasty my heart was, wow that I felt entitled. I felt the holy spirit tell me “We don’t deserve his goodness or his judgment”. Wow, we don’t deserve neither, when the Lord saves us, transforms us and even reveals himself to us its all by his mercy. We don’t deserve any of that and when we walk in condemnation, guilt or shame and we believe or the enemy tells us we deserve consequences that’s a lie because we don’t deserve that either. Jesus took upon the cross all of these things so we can walk free freedom as a son or daughter of God without condemnation. How many Christians feel that way in their hearts sometimes and both thoughts make us run away from God rather than too him. The beautiful thing is what we are entitled too as Christians is Free grace, mercy, love, compassion, and companionship because of the sacrifice and blood of our sweet Jesus! SO RUN TO HIM NOT FROM HIM, YOU ARE FORGIVEN!

-From Jesus with Love