I woke up two night ago with a dream that disturbed me a little. I couldn’t quite understand the meaning and wasn’t sure what I needed to do or even how to pray. So I sought the Lord with a quick prayer and used my rhema cards to get a word from Holy Spirit concerning what to do. He then gave me this rhema word:
“Seek me for me. You Seek me but you don’t trust in me that’s what makes you go off on your own.”- Jesus
Tears immediately began to roll down my cheeks as it hit my heart so tenderly. I could just hear Jesus’s hurt behind these words. Yes, we can move Gods heart to pain when we don’t trust him. I began to think how faithful he had been, how he had come thru for me so many times in this short but intimate relationship we have had for almost 4 years now and I stood before him still not yet trusting him.
Matthew 8:26
“You of little faith,” Jesus replied, “why are you so afraid?”
Imagine being in a relationship with someone who you have given your entire self too. You have been patient with them through many times of betrayals, their wandering, their rejection of your love yet you never left. Faithfully available for them whenever they needed, always there to comfort, give an encouraging word, guidance and love. Yet after being with you for so many years they confess that they really don’t trust you. That would be so painful and that’s what I felt in that moment how easily wavered I am in my heart with the Lord. My weakness yet again naked before the one I love However, I am so grateful that he is always willing to expose this issues of my heart so I don’t continue on in our relationship like this
Then secondly as he mentioned too “Seek me for Me”. That hit a chord as well realizing sadly searched my heart to see if indeed I had become a seeker of things, of answers or even going thru the motions rather than relationship with him. I felt his tenderness and grief over this as well because many seek the Lord for selfish motives. For breakthrough, for blessings, for favor, for knowledge, for clarity, and the list can go on and on. Now these things aren’t bad to seek the Lord on but when that becomes the #1 motive then we have lost relationship with HIM. He is by no means a far off distant, unrelatable, irrelevant God. No, Jesus is so very real and as He is God, He is also fully man so he too has REAL EMOTIONS and NEEDS that many forgot or haven’t been taught. He desires relationship and how many of us seek the Lord daily just for HIS sake? Just to be with Him, to console him, to love Him, to communion with Him, to see how his day is going, to hear his heart? Imagine being in a relationship with someone who sought you for what they can get rather then who you are…hmm
Isaiah 29:19
Therefore the Lord said: “These people draw near to Me with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me.
So I came before the Lord utterly broken, naked and repentant before him for hurting his tender heart as I did with my lack of faith in him. I just layed at his feet in worship and allowed myself to just enjoy his presence to get a word, see anything, get revelation or understanding but just to be with my beloved. Who was longing for my sincere affection and attention so I gave it. As I honestly said Jesus continue to grow my trust in you Lord and taking a deep breath still unknown about a lot of things and this season of wilderness I said ” Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You”.
So my friend if you can be honest with yourselves are you really trusting the Lord or are you still struggling in that area as many of us do. Go back to seeking him just to be with him as you did in the beginning and take his had firmly with all your fears, insecurities and doubts with a deep breath saying “Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You”
-From Jesus with Love