My Confession: My Struggles with Jealousy and Being Insecure In Gods Love

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Jesus began, “You have said it well, My Love. And thank you for including the struggle you have with jealousy. 

 “My dear ones, nothing will kill a church or particular body of believers as fast as jealousy. It is one of the most deadly sins, because it destroys unity and creates serious moral lapses for the sake of retaliation and competition. So many who are in the music ministry have a gift, but their hearts are far from Me. Rather, they are seeking the world’s accolades.
(still small voice http://www.heardwellers.org)

I want to be very candid and transparent in this post concerning my hidden struggles that I have had with Jealously and Insecurities in my walk with the Lord. The newest message from the Lord was posted today on Still Small Voice which is a ministry that I am apart of. Within the message Ms. Clare was very honest concerning her struggles with Jealousy as she was seeing others grow in their anointing and holiness. As I was reading all I could do was laugh because the very same things she struggles with  I do too! That is what I love about her and the ministry is that not only is she anointed but, so very open about her weakness and in-capabilities. Which immediately prompted me to do this blog to confess mine as well because some may see me writing blogs, having my YouTube channel, doing fb live prayers every week, posting words of encouragement,  and always speaking about intimacy with Jesus but, not knowing my very real weakness. Which should encourage anyone that the Lord loves to use hot messes which I am one of them lol

This past week in my alone time with the Lord he kept giving me scriptures on “Jealously” 4 days in a row.  through my bible promises book which I use for discernment  as I began to really examine my heart thinking Lord where , Lord where? At first my eyes would fall on the scripture about how God is a jealous God, so I began to think I wasnt being faithful to the Lord because there couldn’t be jealousy in my heart. (  of course not right ..oh boy lol) .You know when we try to get out of a conviction the Holy Spirit is calling out lol). After, the third day day, I was then like okay Lord you are addressing something. So Upon receiving this message he hit the nail right on the head.

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4)

You see this past few weeks the Lord has really been showing many hidden sins in my heart that offend him as he is calling me to holiness and pureness of heart. He has began to show me that I was insecure in my love with the him. Why was I still desiring others approval or love from others and when I didn’t get I felt rejected. You would think after spending hours in prayer and worship with the Lord every morning I would come out feeling so secure about who I was in him but,  as he has made me aware “I was seeking him but, didn’t trust him”. So then a situation would occur  during the day and I would be hit with arrows of rejection because of the response I would get from others. Then a friend candidly said to me “Nana you do all these videos on youtube, you talk about intimacy with Jesus but, your not deeply rooted and ground in Gods love  that’s why you still struggle with wanting love from others.” I thought to myself wow isn’t that so true. Especially when dealing with relationship of any form we tend too look for the people in our lives to provide that love for us and they never fully fulfill that role only Jesus can. However, I was still insecure in my relationship with Jesus which affected everything else. I needed to be deeply rooted and grounded in his love for me that I could be made whole.

  • I realize when I was insecure about Gods love for me I looked for those around me to provide that security of love
  • Being  insecure about Gods love for me I began to look to others for validation
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to question the sincerity of others love towards me
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love guarded not with my whole heart
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love the Lord half halfheartedly and not with my whole heart
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to fear being hurt by others
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to compare myself ultimately causing me to have Jealous thought towards others

So because of the root cause of my lack of security and trust in my identity in Christ I found myself having Jealous thoughts toward a dear friend. In the most subtle ways but, of course not to God and the saints. Our thoughts are so very loud before all of heaven lol  As someone who is called to lead others this demon of Jealousy is so terrible and easily causes deep breaches of division, and not only quench the Spirit of God in ministry but ruin your soul eek! Furthermore, the Lord has made me known that laziness and jealousy goes hand in hand. Those who have are anointed by the Lord have worked very hard so many times is our lack of application that causes us to be Jealous of others. So I am glad to be exposing it and getting the darkness out!

I found myself being territorial of a fb page I was called to run. I need help so I asked her to assist me with the page however, when she began to really take over the page and do things without asking. giving suggestion. I found Jealously rising in my heart in being territorial of something that wasnt mine in the first place but it’s the Lords ( I  mean can anyone relate). Then secondly we both decided to do prayers on fb live first together then separately. We began to do at the same time and day. As time went out I would find myself seeing her prayer video but, my eyes falling on how many views and comments she got versus me.  (I mean can anyone relate) Lastly I found myself comparing her messages from Jesus to mine. As she would share what the Lord was telling her as we are both learning to discern the Lords voice. Her messages sounded so regal and wise full of authority. However my messages sounded so simple, like my own thoughts and the devils would get me to just want to give up pressing in to hear Gods voice. ( I mean can anyone relate ). lol I mean comparison is a death trap! I found these were all the issue of my heart ;however outwardly everything seemed find. Until, the Lord began to call out all this hidden sin and offenses that were going on that no one else knew about but, him. He first had me confess it to my dear friend in which I am so grateful for our unique relationship because she was so gracious and just laughed. Wheew, I thank the Lord for his faithfulness as he continues to tell me to shine the light on the dark places in my heart that others may have the freedom to do the same thing. One thing I also felt he told me was that I am unique, I have a set of people he has anointed for me to draw to himself so it makes no sense to compare. All that do will continue to be different from anyone else because of the unique souls I am called to reach. That is the same for each of us, when we began to compare it kills Gods unique anointing  upon our lives because there are people I am called to reach with my looks, my height, with my voice, with my experiences, with  my weaknesses, failures etc that they can relation too but, not to someone else.

So I don’t know if you have dealt with this or are dealing with this especially in ministry its okay lol Its just not okay to stay there I have learned that there is so much freedom in confession sins truly. It liberates you and the other person. So if you have had this struggle with someone I encourage you to open and tell them you would be amazed they may have some of the same feelings towards you as well which gives them freedom to share their weakness. So lets embrace our uniqueness and most importantly be deeply rooted in Gods love!

My Prayer for myself and for you: Ephesians 3

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant us according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith; that we, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that we may be filled with all the fullness of God and come to embrace our unique identity in him in Jesus name!

-From Jesus With Love

 

 

God’s Seminary: Lessons of Love University

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 “University is not necessary. Anointing, compassion and love are necessary. I will provide ALL these things. Unless I specifically lead you to Bible College, you can be equipped right where you are by simply going about doing good, studying Scripture, praying. Praying for others and seeking Me. Trust Me that I reward good wills. You cannot out-give Me. If you prove by your sincerity that you want with all your heart to serve Me, start with what you already have and add to that. I will do all the rest.

“Learning brings pride; charity edifies.

-Jesus

(still small voice youtube channel)

Recently I was asked from a youtube subscriber “how to prepare for ministry” and I told her you don’t. The Lord is the one who prepares you. Many times when we realize we have a call of God on our lives we rush trying to fulfill that call. Not realizing its the Lord himself who will direct your path and lead you into your purpose as you do all things WITH HIM. Furthermore, we live in a generation were many Christians seem to follow other Christians rather than following Jesus. We have conformed to the standard of man ways rather than the move of the Holy Spirit. So when many hear the call of God upon their lives we naturally think we then have to go to school, find a spiritual covering, get involved in a ministry somewhere and find out our gifts which are all good. However, I have come to know Gods ways are definitely not our ways and his way is always THE WAY OF LOVE.

John 13:35
A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples,if you love one another.

 

That is indeed Gods Seminary his way of educating and training not only those he loves. but those he calls No seminary can teach you  the lessons that God can and humble in the process. You see Gods seminary refines you, kills all of self love and transforms you into the image of Christ not your favorite teacher, preacher or saints before us. Their lives are a great example for us to follow but, we must follow Jesus. As a close friend said to me a few days ago “That Nana you know your walk with the Lord is a litte cooky, is doesnt look like a cookie cutter christian” LOL. I had to laugh because Christianity was never meant to be cookie cutter and we have made it like that when the Lord reminds Nicodemous that those who are born of the Spirit are like the wind, they are led by the Spirit of the Lord.

John 3:8
The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

So to walk with Jesus is to go wherever he tells you, when he tells you and how he tells you. Not obtaining knowledge that we may know more scripture, more revelation, more prophecy, more power and gifts of the spirit but to become love itself. Which is to truly become like Christ for God is love.

So welcome to a prelude of God’s Seminary : The University of Love

Curriculum

  • Lesson 1: To Know Your Identity In Christ-experiencing how much God love you and what he says about you
  • Lesson 2: To love God with your whole hearts, body and mind– You will be stripped of all comforts you so easily run too rather than Jesus. Can be family, friends, food, a recreational activity, anything
  • Lesson 3: Trusting the Lord with your whole heart– You will be put in circumstances or situations that cause you to lean on the Lord and not your own understanding
  • Lesson 4: Trusting God with your provision– You will be stripped of  your won “financially security” so you can come to trust God to provide
  • Lesson 5: Forgiving all grievances- The Lord will allow those closest to you to hurt you just to see how quick you will forgive them.
  • Lesson 6: Purity of Heart- The Lord will began to convict you of wrong heart attitudes and thoughts. Also break down your pride so you desire his will above all else
  • Lesson 7: Love your enemies, Praying for them– The Lord will allow betrayal, rejection, people to speak against you, use you and persecute unjustly so that you may pray for them and love them despite the offense
  • Lesson 8: Give to the Poor and Needy– The Lord will will began putting opportunities of those around you who are in need. He will call you to give away your possessions. Give to those in need around you, taking care of them.
  • Lesson 9: Fear the Lord and not Men- The Lord will test you in situations many times painful where you will have to make a decision to follow Him or follow men, the census, the trend?
  • Lesson 10: Wearing the crown of scorn and contempt– The Lord will allow those around you to scoff and mock at you just so you can learn brotherly love and be free from men’s opinion
  • Lessons 11: Brother Love- The Lord will began to test you and teach you how to truly love your brothers and sisters in Christ. Honoring others above yourself

Welcome to the first semester of Gods University of Love. Lessons you will indeed take many, many, many times and cannot get from any seminary or church but only from experiences the Lord puts you in too refined you and teach you. Please don’t run from the process or worse drop out. How too many drop out finding it to hard or not at all what they thought so would rather go the “cookie cutter way”.  Not realizing that Gods’ University of Love although painful, bewildering and sorrowful at times is the fasted way to maturity, holiness, transformation, intimacy and the anointing of God. That’s the way to true discipleship, so allow the spirit of the Lord to lead and prepare for HIS MINISTRY.

Psalm 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

-From Jesus with Love

 

Being Ordained By God

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Matthew 22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen.

I am learning in my walk that its a wonderful grace that’s given to all who are ordained by God. For the longest when the Lord called me I was running for man’s approval, man’s validation, and man’s support of what God had called me to do but when God ordains you He calls the unqualified, the unequipped and the uneducated. Those without status, title, and influence to become a light house in their generation. Fortunately, for me I fit all of those qualification and you do too!

When I began to walk in the direction the Lord called me to I got a lot of opposition. Not only from the enemy but many times from well to do meaning Christians who would question what the Lord told me to do because of my many non-qualifications. I too believed I had to go the “normal route” the way everyone has gone who is called by the Lord but I have come to realize that MY WAY was normal and GODS WAY never is lol.  These are some of the few things I heard and some things I have learned:

The first thing the Lord put on my heart was to start a prayer meeting at my apartment my first year for walking with him. I heard “you don’t have a covering so you shouldn’t do that”….actually I heard there
Psalm 91:4 reassures us, “He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge”
Learned: I am married to Christ so the Holy Spirit is my covering

As the Lord continued to lead me the Holy Spirit began to impart a love in my heart to pray for everyone that I met or encountered. I heard “ you shouldn’t be so quick to pray for everyone or lay hands only be led by the Lord”
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Learned: God loves everyone and wants to touch everyone through you if you would allow it!

I had many tell me “you need to get a spiritual mother or father to help guide you in this spiritual walk”. So I began searching and the Lord was closing every door.
John 14:26 But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you.
Learned: Although having a spiritual mother and father is good in Gods timing the best counselor is the Holy Spirit who is the best spiritual counselor you can have!

I thought I needed to go to seminary school and others told me that I must if I am called to “ministry” However, when the Lord began to confirm that He would teach me I was scoffed at and called prideful to think that God could teach me.
John 6:44-45 For no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them to me, and at the last day I will raise them up. 45 As it is written in the Scriptures,[a] ‘They will all be taught by God.’ Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me.
Learned: That in fact God loves to teach his children and by the Holy Spirit, He is the best teacher. Furthermore in scripture he even confirms that many of us in these last days would be taught by him

I find myself today unqualified in my own strength but qualified by Gods grace. I find myself unequipped by my own training but equipped by the trials God has allowed. I find myself uneducation without any vocational ministry studies but educated by the Holy Spirit. I find myself without status in the church but in the Kingdom called a “a royal priest”. I find myself without a title but in the Kingdom titled “a warrior bride”. I find myself having no church pulpit but my life being unraveled before the “cloud of witness” as a platform to impact all of eternity!

 

Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

 

Yes you….you also are chosen, anointed, appointed and ordained by God in this generation for such a time as this. He will instruct yo and teach you in the way you should go. He will counsel you with his loving eye on you. Stop looking to men and believe what God has said and called you to. So my brother or sister…Go NOW, go into all the world and make Jesus known!

-From Jesus With Love

YOU Are Called To Ministry

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The Lord has been really teaching me on Ministry what that looks like and actually what that means. I hear often people will say oh your called to “ministry” or I am called into “ministry” but, I realize ministry is not just something your called too but, a minister is something that you are.

 Minister:  (verb) 1. attend to the needs of (someone).

As a christian WE ARE ALL CALLED to be ministers of Christ!  Its not about having a title, working in a church, or having a platform but in whatever area and location you are called to be an ambassador of Jesus Christ. I thought when the Lord released me for my job 6 months ago for sure He would open the door to start full time ministry, honestly having no idea what that looked like. However, I have come to understand. That I have always been in full time ministry when I said “yes” to the Lord Jan 1, 2014 His ministry in me stared. The Ministry of reconciliation that is, which all believers are called too.

Reconciliation: (noun) 1. the restoration of friendly relations.

He has been using me to restore many back to friendly relationship with him! You see the Lord spoke to me to apply for a job out the local shelter I had been waiting 6 months to get a clearance from him as to what he wanted me to do. So finally when he spoke I scratched my head a little thinking really Lord you want me to go back to the “market place” as we call it. Back into the corporate america in my heart I spoke I thought I was going to go into ministry and He reminded me “you already are.” At your former job didn’t I use you there to draw many to me, since you have not been working haven’t I been using you to minister to people through your social media platforms, outreach, small group, and evangelism in which my response was….Oooh I see lol.  As he was reminding me that now he wants to send me there to to be His ambassador and minister to people in that capacity.

2 Corinthians 5:19-20
or God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful ministry of reconciliation. 20 So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”

So as a believer YOU are Called into minister YOU are an ambassador for Christ, YOU are called into the minister of reconciliation. To draw all men your sphere of influence that is given to you back to Jesus Christ.  So are you meeting the needs of those around you? At your job are you being a light, are you providing hope, encouraging words and speaking truth to those who are lost and in desperate need of the Love Jesus. Are you reaching out in your communities,  strangers that you pass by who are in need and even to your own neighbors  are you sharing the love of Christ? My friends no longer see Ministers as those who preach, who teach, who are in the church or just pastors because YOU are a Minister so lets get busy with works of service God has given us all to do!

Ephesians 4:11-12
So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip THE SAINTS for WORKS OF SERVICE, so that the body of Christ may be built up

When Your Vacation Turns Into A Mission Trip #NewBraunfelsforJesus

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I’m learning more and more that my life is indeed not my own. When I made a committed to the surrender to the Lord  he meant surrendering all things. My time, My life and so called vacations as well lol Honestly, has been the most amazing adventure yielding myself to Jesus so he can live his life through me!

Philippians 1:21
For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.

So about three weeks ago my best friend comes up with an amazing idea and gateway for us to rest and seek God for the year. She got a good deal on groupon with a cottage/hotel in New Branfels in the Shilterbaun waterpark resort. The night before I stayed at my friends house and the Lord spoke to me to fast for the whole trip. I was like wait, Noooo but, once again #surrendered. I was excited because we were in such a need for a vacation or so we thought lol. As we were headed out my friend stated that the Lord spoke to her about this trip stating “our worship would activate all of heaven”. I was so excited to hear that because both me and her are worshipers at heart. We love to worship, so as we headed out on this 3 1/2 hour drive we blasted the car with worship music as we sang our hearts to the Lord. The Lord showed me the most beautiful picture of fragrant flowers shooting up from the top of our car all the way into the sky and piercing all of heaven into the throne room of God to be a fragrant offering to him. It was so beautiful!

As we arrived in the city we felt such a heaviness it seemed so dry…spiritually. We rode past a catholic church that had a huge shrine made out to one of their saints. Then we stopped at a grocery and that’s where the Lord had us encounter one of the many missions. There was  deli worker whom we met and upon seeing her the Lord spoke to my heart “witchcraft”. First I thought is that you Lord or me so I kept it to myself and we struck a conversation with her. She said her husband had dementia and was coming home that day but, said she believed in Jesus so we prayed with her. Then as we were checking out the cashier was a young girl and we asked to pray with her but she told us no. She really didn’t believe.  However, something still felt uneasy. So as we got back into the hotel WE had plans to relax go in the Jacuzzi….key word is WE had plans lol Jesus had his own plans. So upon praying the Lord confirmed to both of us that indeed there was witchcraft in this city and the young lady who was our cashier had actually been molested and even pregnant. Immediately, the Lord has go into worship and prayer warring not only for our sisters we had just met but for the city of New Braunfels. He wanted strongholds torn, witchcrafts roots uprooted, dead and cold hearts coming back to life and the Holy Spirit reviving the city! So instead of the Jacuzzi I stayed up all night praying when my friend insisted on going to take a dip when the Lord spoke to her and said “watch and pray”

Matthew 26:41
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”

Then a worker came immediately to say the pool was closed and she had to get out. All she could do was laugh. So sure enough we prayed all night warring for that city and the people we met. The next morning we asked the Lord to confirm if it was truly him speaking to us to have those two ladies working at the grocery store when we go there and we would give them the words he spoke to us. So we then went to the city pavilion and declared the city of New Braunfels the Lords with worship and scripture that the dead bones would rise! We then got an awesome opportunity to pray for people at the local coffee shop and encourage them in the Lord.

Ezekiel 37:4
Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! 5 This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath[a] enter you, and you will come to life.

As we got to the grocery story  me and my friend were so nervous because the two ladies were actually there! Eeek lol We asked for courage as we approached the older woman at the deli and I stated to her that a door had been open dabbling in spirituality outside of Jesus Christ caused an open door to cause her husband to have dementia. We told her we would continue to lift her and her husband in prayer. Then the young cashier was there again as we stood in the line waiting to talk to her we asked the Lord to give us wisdom because we wanted to be sensitive to the information the Lord gave us.. As we approached she immediately apologized for not accepting praying because she was distracted and a lot was on her mind. I then told her the Lord spoke to us about her last night and she was immediately intrigued. We stated that her “trust had been violated” and that Jesus was there. He cried every tear with her and then she said ” he was” we both were astounded because it was such a confirmation. We than began to tell her how much Jesus loved her and had a plan for her life. That He is her Father and her provider to trust and believe that He is real and is for her! She then received prayer and me and my friend wrote her a beautiful letter and prayer which we gave to her as we continued on our journey.

Proverb 16:9
In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.

If nothing I have learned indeed we may plan our lives, our desired destination and even vacation but as a bride of Christ the Lord establishes our steps. lol Don’t take anywhere he leads you as a coincidence or even for selfish purposes because there are people all around you he wants to use you to touch with his love. Will you be sensitive to his voice, his leading and will you obey? Do so and watch him leave you in awe! I know New Braunfels will be impacted and Holy Spirit growth will happen in that city and in the hearts of the men, woman and children all for Gods glory! Amen

-From Jesus with Love

 

 

 

 

 

In The Waiting….

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If I can be honest this week has been a little rough, well a lot of rough. Started to have those anxious feelings rise up again. Asking the Lord when Lord when, what’s next, what should I do, when will things change, where is the breakthrough, am I in your will or have I missed it? All of these thoughts and much more bombarded me this week. I had to remind myself, “Nana you have been here before. You know better than to entertain these thoughts. Don’t go down this black winding pit the enemy has set up for you”. There is a difference in being called and waiting to be sent as our pastor put it lol. When the Lord calls you and you answer that call. You then have to go through the process of waiting until you are sent out for ministry. So I find myself waiting again. It feels like my whole walk with the Lord has been just that…waiting. Having to trust in Gods timing whiles fighting against discouragement, moving ahead of God, listening to what others say, comparing myself to my peers and my flesh.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

In the Waiting….God is working behind the scenes!

Waiting a lot of times doesn’t look like your accomplishing anything because in actually most of the time that’s when God is accomplishing hidden things on your behalf. I had to remind myself this week and I am pretty sure for the rest of my life in different seasons lol. I found myself excited for the new year, breakthroughs and the promises of God to finally materialize. I just knew that direction would come immediately, I should’ve known better lol. I found myself with finances running so low, still unemployed no direction for employment, then my phone got slammed in my car door after purchasing a new phone a week prior. I was unable to see the screen make calls or answer messages. Then my car door wouldn’t open with my ignition and no money for locksmith hmmm. So have been stuck in the house all this week….so I thought to myself more suffering Lord uuugh!!  Immediately  wanting to throw a pity party..okay I did for like 2 days lol I was reminded of what the Lord had spoken to me before “Abandon yourself to my will, or you will become bitter and full of anxiety”. I thought of course Lord your right you have taught me to give thanks in everything and trust that you plan out my day. So instead of fighting this and allowing the enemy to get a foothold. I saw this as an opportunity to give thanks instead. One I will miss this season where I had hours to spend time with Jesus. So that’s what I felt the Lord wanted me to spend more time with him and in prayer.

Luke 10:41
Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

In the Waiting….The best thing to do is to sit at Gods feet

The reason I was anxious because I found myself wanting to do something, to be busy about the Lords business rather than be at home not working and nothing to show for it. At least what I thought but the Lord reminded me with this scripture. That as bad as I want to be “doing something” the best thing of all is to be in his presence and sit at his feet. That’s where my roots would become deep in Him, that’s where he lays the foundation of what he wants to do through me. That’s where he heals me of wounds, binds up my injures and cleans out my heart of any displeasing things. That’s where I learn to look like him, act like him and become him. That is indeed what we need most to be still at his feet as long as we can before we can do any “work” for Jesus.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

In The Waiting….Keep doing what your doing

I have also learned that waiting in the eyes of God is not only sitting still and waiting on him but actively waiting. Being obedient whiles waiting, worshiping whiles waiting, being patience and serving whiles waiting. That was a lyric from a song the Holy Spirt has been playing during my alone time. Which is so true, that’s a prophetic word I got two weeks ago. Which I was just reminded of when these feelings and attack came my way. I began to think that I wasn’t in Gods will or I need to do something different. However, we just need to continue serving, listening and living for him steadily until he makes things clear and he says now go, this is the way walk in it. One step of obedience at a time will lead you into your purpose. Reading the scriptures I was reminded Jesus was prepared 30 years for 3 years of ministry, Moses waited 40 Years,  Joseph waited 13 years. Jesus please don’t let me wait that long LOL but, I know if it is the will of God waiting is always best because that’s when preparation takes place. The longer the preparation, the more equipped and the bigger the impact.

So Lord help me us to give thanks in the waiting. Help us to trust and know that you are working amazing things behind the scenes Jesus. Help us not to compare ourselves to others or even listen to others opinion about where we should or shouldn’t be. Give us the grace to patience and actively wait on you for its not our life anymore but yours in Jesus name!

-From Jesus with Love

Nana

 

The Season Of Crickets & The Value of The “One”

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Yes that’s a cricket next to him on that seat lol. Oh how accurate is this image. Indeed this is a lesson the Lord has definitely taught me this year and last year. To obey him when no one even show up, to be diligent and faithful despite the crickets. Testing my heart for my motives, and not being moved by the numbers…..well because in fact many a times there were no numbers lol. It became so bad that a good friend of mine changed her ring tone to a “crickets chirp” to poke fun of the interesting season Jesus had  me in lol. Its definitely funny now and how I am so grateful for the lesson he taught me in that but, it was painful them. Many times feeling rejected, not valued, even not worthy and of course how the enemy of my soul would whisper suggestions of giving up, doubt, insecurities and even fears to stop me from pursuing what God told me to do. How easy is it for us to trust, followers, likes, people opinions or filled seats with our worth….Jesus didn’t so neither should we.

John 2:24
But Jesus did not trust them because He knew all men.  He did not need anyone to tell Him about man. He knew what was in man.

 

You see earlier last year the Lord told me to began a fellowship at my apartment and I invited quite a few people but got only about two responses. So as the time got closer I decided to cancel it to my surprise many text stating they were planning and immediately the Holy spirit  said “when two or three are gathered in my name I am in the midst”. I felt so convicted I had canceled because the majority wasn’t coming but discounted the two that where and forgetting they were just enough for Jesus that’s all he needs! (hand slap to the forehead), I asked the Lord to forgive me and told him if no one showed up would still do it because if all else fails him and all the heavenly host will be there. So attempted again the following week. This time all I got was “crickets”  no one showed up. To be honest I was devastated it was such a vulnerable season in my life and I was feeling so insecure. I remember continuing with the fellowship just me and Jesus,  my heart was heavy in worship the Lord spoke again and said ” I want to know if you will be faithful are you doing this for me or for them?” I broke down crying telling the Lord its all about him and continued with the fellowship weekly
Lesson Learned Faithfulness

Luke 16:10
If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.

Then the Lord spoke to me again telling me to do a youtube channel to teach all that he is teaching me . I fought with this idea first thinking “who me” but what do I have to teach, I mean who am I Jesus…..of course that’s the best position to be in because in our weakness his strengths pour through us! So I began the youtube channel this year thinking , who is really going to watch this. I would post on fb tag family and friends in hopes they would share or support all I got was “crickets”. Of course there were times where I would get only a few views and I found myself fighting the feeling of discouragement but told myself this is Gods channel not mine so I have to be obedient and continued. As subscribers started to come I found myself continuing to focus on the numbers and comparing myself with other channels. Which can be so dangerous because you lose sight of Jesus and began to look at others. So about 4 months ago my youtube account became disabled I immediately thought it was he enemy attacking the channel but during prayer the Lord said it was him because of my pride. I was like ouch! Wow, so humbly asked for forgiveness and the channel is still disabled however the interesting thing is its grown to over 100 subscribers in these few months and now have over 650 with no new videos. The Lord reminded me that’s its all his work on not mine, “Its not about you Nana” can I say humbling.
Lessoned Learned Humility & Obedience

Then the Lord spoke to me again to began a praying meeting at my job. I was so excited me and some friends go together blessed the room and began to advertise by sending out emails and word of mouth. Initially one or two would come then some weeks when no one would show up “crickets”. There were weeks where I didn’t want to go or I would show up late thinking no one is going to come anyway. Once again I fighting the feeling of discouragement and the Lord reminded me to be faithful and of course He and the heavenly host were there lol. So I would go in the room and pray by myself soon it started it growing and a consistent number of ppl would come and upon leaving the job its still going! Wow,  again I was reminded its Not about me lol and of course the-
Lessoned Learned Is Perseverance

Then finally the Lord spoke to me to began writing these blogs. Honestly I used to hate writing so looking back on these blogs and seeing Gods fingerprints all on this amazes me. However, I remember me and my friend started blogging at the same time. We both knew God spoke to us about it but no one was reading these blogs lol. I would have one viewer maybe 1 follower in 3 months. We would laugh and look at each other and say “crickets” lol but the Lord kept reminded us just write be obedient to write a blog a week. She said her son told her “write they will come” I love that because that’s what faith is. Hoping for what you don’t see putting our faith in Gods word spoken to us and not to give up. So we have continued to write and I am amazed at what God has done!
Lessoned Learned Is Diligence

Most recently the Lord spoke to me to began a bible study over the phone after losing my job. Of course began to have the same rebuttals, wait, whaaa, Lord me, Jesus is this you or just my mind lol but he confirmed. For about a week had to fight off insecurities again because this is opening myself to people I don’t know and plus who would call in LOL There I go again limiting God. So I began the hourly conference line and behold would have 7 to9 callers each day from different part of the country calling in desiring to know God. I was flabbergasted , there was a day when I was 15 minutes into the call and no one called in. I was tempted to just hang up but the Holy Spirit reminded me again of all the times Gods faithfulness even when no one showed up lol. So I told myself you made a commitment with God to do for an hour so will leave it on for an hour, can I tell you that day was the day of the most callers and even a new caller! lol There are times where only one caller has called and the Lord has reminded me that he can care less of the numbers its jus to touch one. So me, that person and Jesus with all the heavenly host have bible study! lol
Lessoned Learned is Trust & Gods Strength

 

Matthew 18:12 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?

 

Now he has spoken to my heart to turn the personal fellowship and extend it by leading a coed a small group for the  young adults ministry in our church and the Nana of old would be so insecure, frightened, doubtful and concerned with people not showing up. However, because of these past lessons I now know:

  • To be obedient
  • Trust God more
  • Its not about me, its all by his strength
  • To do everything  I do unto the Lord
  • To continue to be faithful
  • Its not about the numbers, one person is so invaluable
  • Its not about what people say about it
  • It is indeed Gods work that he does through me

 

How many times do we allow followers, likes, peoples opinions to be the measure of the worth, validation our work or even Gods call upon our lives? Trust God and be obedient to  all that  he ask you to do because its all about that ONE person, one blog post, one video, one bible study meeting, one prayer meeting that God will use to touch many!

-From Jesus with Love