Heroic Humility

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2 Samuel 16:5-13

As he cursed, Shimei said, “Get out, get out, you murderer, you scoundrel! 8 The Lord has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The Lord has given the kingdom into the hands of your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a murderer!”

9 Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.”

10 But the king said, “What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’”

11 David then said to Abishai and all his officials, “My son, my own flesh and blood, is trying to kill me. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to.

What is Heroic Humility?  I am finding that out in this season which has been riddled with much criticism and assaults, I can either take offense or see it as an opportunity that the Lord is using to humble me. However, I am learning from a little saint called St. Therese of Lisieux how to go about that.  Heroic Humility is the desire to be humiliated and to receive all insults, criticism, curses and judgments with JOY knowing that it is the Lord permitting it! Now, can I say that has been a feat lol. During my prayer time I sought the Lord to get a daily word from him last week and twice the Holy Spirit gave me “heroic humility’ in her devotional as its stated

HEROIC HUMILITY (devotional)

“The novices [too whom she gave spiritual direction] praise me. It is not flattery. They believe what they say. It does not make me vain for the knowledge of my wretchedness never leaves me. But sometimes my soul sickens of too sweet a diet. It is then that Jesus gives me a nice little salad dressing of vinegar and spice sans Olive oil. God raises the veil which hides may imperfections, and my dear little sisters then no longer find me quite  their liking. With a simplicity I find charming, they tell me what a trial I am to them and what they find unpleasant about me. They stand on no ceremony, for they know that their freedom of speak delights me. It is actually more than delight. It is like a wonderful festival which overwhelms me with joy. If had not experienced it, could not believe that something so against one natural feelings could afford such happiness. Once when I was passionately longing to be humiliated, a young postulate did it so effectively that I remember when Shimei used David and I read the words of the holy king; “Yea, it is the Lord who hath bidden him say all these things”

-St Therese of Lisieux

Since, moving here to this prayer community the Lord has a lot many insults to be hurdled my way wether it be online, through family members or even members of this community. We are all definitely not perfect and are learning the way of perfection through brotherly love as we are climbing that mountain of holiness. Many we times we can step on each others toes but its all about our response to one another. In the world we are taught to defend ourselves, to respond back with sharp words and to let others know when they offend us but when the Lord is leading you into a way of “heroic humility” his desire that you “submit to everyone and allow others to trample on you” that is true humility. Just as Jesus was the perfect example for us all who turned the other cheek, and led like a sheep to the slaughter with defamation of character, physical blows, insults, betrayals, curses, being spit on, was cheated, accused, and gossiped about. You name it he endured it all in perfect silence and yielded to the Fathers will.

We live in a christian culture that actually contradicts this way of the Gospel many times where we are taught to distance ourselves from those who hurt us but pray for them. Rather Jesus has chastised me to ” Not take offense or repeat offense”. He has made me to understand that when I take an offense against my brethren I am indeed offended by him for he permits every trial, every circumstance and every word someone speaks or does against me. We forget and really don’t have confidence in the Lords divine providence. That he is is in control of EVERYTHING and allows EVERYTHING even the bad. So its a grave offense in his eyes when we  get offended at one another and worse repeat it thereby spreading seeds of discord among brethren because the person you share that offense with now has a seed of criticism planted in their heart against the person who offended you. Its opens the demonic door for everyone and leads to much gossip, resentment and eventually bitterness taking root in the heart of everyone.

 

The Lord is calling us to humble ourselves to see ourselves in his mirror for who we truly are. Wretched sinners, full of judgment and evil thoughts ourselves which we may not say out loud but in our hearts, who are in need of his desperate grace and mercy. Pride(Self-love, the flesh) is what causes us to rise up to defend, to correct, to get angry and take offense which will always contend with the virtue the Holy Spirit wants to grow in us Humility.  I believe the Lord is wanting to raise up many of his brides to walk in heroic humility. Brides who don’t desire the praise of men but are actually looking forward to the insults and criticism of others with joy because  BLESSED ARE YOU!

Matthew 5:11-12
11Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.

Furthermore, how blessed are you if people insult you justly or so all manner of things against you that may be right but in humility you receive it all in silence from the hand of of the Lord as King David did. Oh Lord, give us the grace to have heroic humility, to allow ourselves to be made fools for Christ and to even desire to be humbled by you when life gets too sweet and many are singing the praises of our name. Give us the desire to be humbled and even a greater grace to not take offense or repeat offense. We ask this in Jesus name we pray Amen!

-From Jesus With Love

 

 

 

 

 

My Confession: My Struggles with Jealousy and Being Insecure In Gods Love

From Jesus With LoveLeave a comment

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Jesus began, “You have said it well, My Love. And thank you for including the struggle you have with jealousy. 

 “My dear ones, nothing will kill a church or particular body of believers as fast as jealousy. It is one of the most deadly sins, because it destroys unity and creates serious moral lapses for the sake of retaliation and competition. So many who are in the music ministry have a gift, but their hearts are far from Me. Rather, they are seeking the world’s accolades.
(still small voice http://www.heardwellers.org)

I want to be very candid and transparent in this post concerning my hidden struggles that I have had with Jealously and Insecurities in my walk with the Lord. The newest message from the Lord was posted today on Still Small Voice which is a ministry that I am apart of. Within the message Ms. Clare was very honest concerning her struggles with Jealousy as she was seeing others grow in their anointing and holiness. As I was reading all I could do was laugh because the very same things she struggles with  I do too! That is what I love about her and the ministry is that not only is she anointed but, so very open about her weakness and in-capabilities. Which immediately prompted me to do this blog to confess mine as well because some may see me writing blogs, having my YouTube channel, doing fb live prayers every week, posting words of encouragement,  and always speaking about intimacy with Jesus but, not knowing my very real weakness. Which should encourage anyone that the Lord loves to use hot messes which I am one of them lol

This past week in my alone time with the Lord he kept giving me scriptures on “Jealously” 4 days in a row.  through my bible promises book which I use for discernment  as I began to really examine my heart thinking Lord where , Lord where? At first my eyes would fall on the scripture about how God is a jealous God, so I began to think I wasnt being faithful to the Lord because there couldn’t be jealousy in my heart. (  of course not right ..oh boy lol) .You know when we try to get out of a conviction the Holy Spirit is calling out lol). After, the third day day, I was then like okay Lord you are addressing something. So Upon receiving this message he hit the nail right on the head.

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4)

You see this past few weeks the Lord has really been showing many hidden sins in my heart that offend him as he is calling me to holiness and pureness of heart. He has began to show me that I was insecure in my love with the him. Why was I still desiring others approval or love from others and when I didn’t get I felt rejected. You would think after spending hours in prayer and worship with the Lord every morning I would come out feeling so secure about who I was in him but,  as he has made me aware “I was seeking him but, didn’t trust him”. So then a situation would occur  during the day and I would be hit with arrows of rejection because of the response I would get from others. Then a friend candidly said to me “Nana you do all these videos on youtube, you talk about intimacy with Jesus but, your not deeply rooted and ground in Gods love  that’s why you still struggle with wanting love from others.” I thought to myself wow isn’t that so true. Especially when dealing with relationship of any form we tend too look for the people in our lives to provide that love for us and they never fully fulfill that role only Jesus can. However, I was still insecure in my relationship with Jesus which affected everything else. I needed to be deeply rooted and grounded in his love for me that I could be made whole.

  • I realize when I was insecure about Gods love for me I looked for those around me to provide that security of love
  • Being  insecure about Gods love for me I began to look to others for validation
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to question the sincerity of others love towards me
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love guarded not with my whole heart
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love the Lord half halfheartedly and not with my whole heart
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to fear being hurt by others
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to compare myself ultimately causing me to have Jealous thought towards others

So because of the root cause of my lack of security and trust in my identity in Christ I found myself having Jealous thoughts toward a dear friend. In the most subtle ways but, of course not to God and the saints. Our thoughts are so very loud before all of heaven lol  As someone who is called to lead others this demon of Jealousy is so terrible and easily causes deep breaches of division, and not only quench the Spirit of God in ministry but ruin your soul eek! Furthermore, the Lord has made me known that laziness and jealousy goes hand in hand. Those who have are anointed by the Lord have worked very hard so many times is our lack of application that causes us to be Jealous of others. So I am glad to be exposing it and getting the darkness out!

I found myself being territorial of a fb page I was called to run. I need help so I asked her to assist me with the page however, when she began to really take over the page and do things without asking. giving suggestion. I found Jealously rising in my heart in being territorial of something that wasnt mine in the first place but it’s the Lords ( I  mean can anyone relate). Then secondly we both decided to do prayers on fb live first together then separately. We began to do at the same time and day. As time went out I would find myself seeing her prayer video but, my eyes falling on how many views and comments she got versus me.  (I mean can anyone relate) Lastly I found myself comparing her messages from Jesus to mine. As she would share what the Lord was telling her as we are both learning to discern the Lords voice. Her messages sounded so regal and wise full of authority. However my messages sounded so simple, like my own thoughts and the devils would get me to just want to give up pressing in to hear Gods voice. ( I mean can anyone relate ). lol I mean comparison is a death trap! I found these were all the issue of my heart ;however outwardly everything seemed find. Until, the Lord began to call out all this hidden sin and offenses that were going on that no one else knew about but, him. He first had me confess it to my dear friend in which I am so grateful for our unique relationship because she was so gracious and just laughed. Wheew, I thank the Lord for his faithfulness as he continues to tell me to shine the light on the dark places in my heart that others may have the freedom to do the same thing. One thing I also felt he told me was that I am unique, I have a set of people he has anointed for me to draw to himself so it makes no sense to compare. All that do will continue to be different from anyone else because of the unique souls I am called to reach. That is the same for each of us, when we began to compare it kills Gods unique anointing  upon our lives because there are people I am called to reach with my looks, my height, with my voice, with my experiences, with  my weaknesses, failures etc that they can relation too but, not to someone else.

So I don’t know if you have dealt with this or are dealing with this especially in ministry its okay lol Its just not okay to stay there I have learned that there is so much freedom in confession sins truly. It liberates you and the other person. So if you have had this struggle with someone I encourage you to open and tell them you would be amazed they may have some of the same feelings towards you as well which gives them freedom to share their weakness. So lets embrace our uniqueness and most importantly be deeply rooted in Gods love!

My Prayer for myself and for you: Ephesians 3

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant us according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith; that we, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that we may be filled with all the fullness of God and come to embrace our unique identity in him in Jesus name!

-From Jesus With Love

 

 

Unashamed of God’s Strict Love

From Jesus With Love3 Comments

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Romans 5:5
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I’ve come to realize God has a ‘strict love” over me. You may ask what is strict love….I didn’t even know there was such a thing. However its when God has you hedged in finely. He has called me to a life of closeness with him that requires  a great measure of self control and discipline which is all done by his grace of course. However  in this ‘”strict love” many times I found myself complaining, not understanding, pouting, honestly upset wondering why I couldn’t do what others could do. The holy spirit would restrict me from going to certain places., spending my time and using my money selfishly, watching and listening to certain things that many times other Christians could do and feel no conviction. The Holy Spirit had a way of cutting my heart so quickly, convicted me, correcting me swiftly and calling me to himself immeaditley.  The Lord would remind me….you are mine and I am jealous for you.

Exodus 20:5
You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,

I remember me and my young sister used to talk about it as we would laugh and say man with the Lord we cant get away with nooooothing! lol Now looking back I see how foolish it was to despise or even resent such a beautiful grace and privilege to be called into a close intimacy with the Lord. I cant lie it hasn’t been easy, actually it has been so difficult and painful. The process of dying to yourself and the Lord taking away every attachment you have so that it may seem you have nothing but most importantly you have him. These past few months, well honestly pretty much my entire walk with the Lord has been scrutinized, criticized and judged by people. Many times close family and friends which seem to hurt the most. Every night I cast it on the Lord and ask him to heal my heart so I may love purely but then another arrow is shot and I am hurting again. The past few weeks have been more so as I began to get remarks for how I look now. I found myself deeply hurt by peoples comment towards me and insecurity and fear made a flight as they both walked through this open door I made by taking my eyes off of Jesus. Once again I found myself defending the call of God on my life or trying to have them understand the call…Gods “strict love” so often that I just stopped answering and talking about Jesus.

It happened this past weekend and when I got home I felt grieved in my spirit. It hit me, that oh my goodness, Nana you have become ashamed at what God has done and is doing in your life because of the reaction of men. So I immediately when to get a word from the Lord  from my rhema box ( a deck of cards with scripture I use to get a word from the Lord) and he gave me the scripture above Romans 5:5 and in big bold letters said SHAME. I burst into tears because I realized how I had hurt Jesus, me out of all people being ashamed of him. I didn’t realize in this way I was ashamed to tell others of God’s “strict love” in fear of what they would say or think. Rather than proclaiming to my family and friends Look what God has done in my life. He has set me free!! but I had become in bondage to them and their thoughts. So as I prayed I asked the Lord to heal my heart and wash away the lies that I held captive as truth that I would be no longer ashamed of what God has done or what he has called me too!

So the Nana of above was full of pride,  allowed self-will to rule, vain glory,  full of ambition, greed and the big hypocrite. I ran to others for opinion, advice and direction. I was in bondage to food and lust of the flesh,  compulsively whatever I felt at the moment. I would constantly show of my body and flaunt “assets’ to get attention from men. I prayed when I felt like it. Would party hard on Saturday and go to church Sunday. I lived in compromise and thought there was such a thing as a “grey area” in Christianity so was okay with other living the same way. When I didn’t pray I would pray concerning MY WILL. MY wants, MY desire, MY plans and expect him to bless it because of course my desire was Gods desire right. This Nana wanted to be a “STAR” a mogul in the making looking up to celebrities,  the entertainment life and the WORLDS height and measure to success in life. I wanted to be rich and successful to honor my family …..but this Nana was still in darkness, lost and headed to destruction……

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If it wasnt for the saving Grace, Mercy and strict love of the Lord this WOMAN wouldn’t be standing before you today. So let me proclaim UNASHAMED of what my God, Jesus Christ has done. I now cover myself in respect for him and my other brothers so no one will fall into lust . For he has called me to himself to walk in intimacy with a beautiful strict love over me so I don’t wander far off even if I wanted too. He has shown me his face and his love in ways I cant imagine and I am utterly undone by the Jealous love my beloved has for me. He has called me to a high calling of lowliness, hiddeness, holiness and holy poverty.  He has called me lay down my life to serve all man, walk in humility instead of pride. He called me to seek HIS Divine will in every decision and area of my life. He has set me from bondage of food, lust of the flesh and worldly attachments. He has me living the hidden life where many may not understand but what only HE says and does matter. He has called me to imitate his life, by living to give everything away sowing into kingdom whiles living for eternity instead. I live for the audience of the “courts of heaven”. I have finally become a STAR…in my Heavenly Fathers eyes which is the only eyes that matters the most. This Nana was pulled out of darkness into the marvelous light of Christ and is set free and being set free….I am no longer ashamed but I AM UNASHAMED!!! THANK YOU JESUS

-From Jesus with love