There are days you feel like a mighty warrior, ready for battle and not shaken by anything the world, your flesh and the enemy throws at you. Then their are days that seem to be blaaaah. Just feeling indifferent to everything, not feeling as courageous, not feeling as bold and just not feeling as strong. Your once loud roar that was full of life becomes a…… meow lol Thats how it has been for me the past few days just a feeling of apathy & weariness has taken over me but I know these are not the fruits of the spirit. You see the Lord told me to began writing blogs, creating youtube videos and even starting a prayer meeting at my house several months ago. Which I have been doing for quite a few weeks now however, it can be difficult at times when I am going through a trial if I can be honest I don’t want to lead. I don’t want to do anything really I tell the Lord “Can I just sit back” , “Lord I am tired”. I find myself always feeling the need to be strong for others in the midst of my weakness. To post an encouraging video, to post an encouraging blog uplifting others when I myself feel so down. It was through reading a dear friend Gigi’s blog and her transparency where I felt the Lord lead me to write this blog to boast about my weakness. Initially I was going to write another blog that roared loudly lol but I felt the Lord say you know in your weakness “I” roar the loudest.
You see I have been told many times how strong I am, or how others see so much strength in me but I am starting to realize more and more that its the Lords grace upon my life. During prayer meeting this week at my job, it was at the end of the meeting and no one had showed up however, I continued to pray. Then a friend walked in during the last few minutes and asked me how I was doing. The way he said it was with deep sincerely as if he knew what was going on in the inside of me. I paused for a second and said fine changing the subject and he said “your really strong”. In that moment was a little surprised and told him he had no idea what I was feeling like in the inside. I was just fighting to be strong maybe if I acted strong that I would began to feel strong because I am learning “I am not how I feel” Alot of times negative emotions or feelings can come from our own flesh however majority of the times its from enemy to throw us off into discouragement, be despondent and not be able then to minister to anyone because your focused on yourself. I know these feelings to well. The enemy roars LIKE a lion to steal our joy, kill our dreams and destroy our destinies…but he is not a lion
1 Peter 5:8
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
So I have been having to tell myself to rise up using the word of God to anchor me. To not be moved by my emotions or how I feel but press forward with faith in all that God asked me to do because our enemy will never stop so we cant either. Most importantly to call upon the Lord because there is no way I can do this walk, this call, these assignments without his help and strength. He in fact is the source of my strength I was reminded that when my roar turns into a meows He is there roaring FOR me every time and the times I do roar He is roaring WITH me. He never stops, He is the only LION, The Lion of The Tribe of Judah, The Lamb of God, My King, My love Jesus Christ! Greater is in me that is in the world and I am more than a conquer in Christ Jesus!. He is the only one with the roar that causes our enemies to scatter, in our various weakness he roars on our behalf every time. Thats why we should boast in our weakness because then His strength flows through us all that the more.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
So Lord I come before you saying I am fickle, feeble minded, tired and weak of heart. Strengthen me oh Lord for the times ahead and give me wisdom to discern good from evil so I can judge correctly those who you have called me to lead. I ask you for the grace to finish my race with faith, perseverance and endurance. I ask that the Passion of Christ strengthen every area in my heart, mind, body, soul, and spirit so I can be a true witness for you and minister to others to bring them into your kingdom. Deliver me from evil Lord and fill me with your joy overflowing. I love you Lord.