Hello brothers and sisters and Heartdwellers family. This is by far the hardest trial and test of faith I have had to go through. The attack on Derrick’s and I’s marriage had been weighing me down tremendously, as my sisters and I have gathered to fast and pray with you guys, from the 3rd-15th as Jesus requested.
He mentioned the trial would only intensify until the end of the year and boy has it been fiery. This was the first time where I found myself losing faith in the Lord and to make matters worse, He was admonishing me and correcting me for my pride.
I pulled the card, “Bind a strongman of pride and haughtiness”. I thought –
was that for me Lord? Immediately I went into a tail-spin of resentment and anger.
The rest of the Rhemas read –
“So many automatic judgments. Violently thrust them away replace them immediately with charitable thoughts and pray blessing and good for each person. These too are precious souls”
The next said:
“Lift up your heart for you have found favor with God”
The following said:
He is asking you to fellowship with him and join him in what He is doing. We should be filled with faith and anticipation, remembering what he did at the Red Sea and empty tomb” -Francis Chan.
Then I got:
Forgive them I want to redeem them”
“You have been given a gift of Love. Don’t let them take it from you”
And the last card read:
“You are anointed to set the captives free, but you must be set free first. Trust Me in this journey. I only tell you now that you have a great journey you must complete first. At the end of your journey you will find a door leading you back to this prison, just as I found. When you return, your vision will be so great, that they will never be able to trap you here again. Your visit will so be great, enough to see the treasure here” – From the Rick Joyner book, ‘The Call’.
As you can see, I took so many Rhemas – some where from days before, but I was brooding and hurting with all that the Lord had allowed. I finally came to him very honest, hiding nothing.
Lord I come before so angry.. so angry Lord, because I feel like Jeremiah, as if you have duped me. I struggle with the contradictions you allow, because it makes me feel like I can’t trust your word Lord, and I am struggling with the correction of having the strongman of pride and haughtiness. I can feel it on me, because I am so resistant to your admonishment this morning, and so angry.
Please Lord, help me and deliver me.
And I don’t see how I can be judging someone, when I perceive what is happening reveals itself to be true – how is that judgment? I am so weary Lord and honestly desire to be released from this cross. I am scared to go on, and I’m scared to trust again. That’s honestly how I feel Lord.
But when I come to myself I realize, where can I go? It’s like – even if I wanted to
run, there is something that You have done in me, that makes me second guess and always do Your will, although I am angry and I don’t want to.. I just need your help and understanding.
“There is indeed a strongman of pride and haughtiness, that continues to rear its ugly head within you from time to time. There is always pride beloved, always, and I allow these trials to cauterize it. Like leaven when the dough rises and it’s too much; you simply cut some off, and that is what I am doing. Little by little, so once I am one with you, you will become humility itself, resembling much of your beloved spouse and Heavenly Mother.
“Beloved, I know this trial has been more than you can bare, but look how far you have come. You didn’t even think you would be here, but you’re here – why? Because I have your heart, we are one. And when your flesh and soul desires not to do the will of God, but rather is repugnant and rebellious against it; your Spirit takes over, because you have given Me your consent, that you are entirely Mine and I am entirely yours. Where you end, I then take control. And that is why scripture says: “It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”
“I have been living for you these past two weeks, uploading you with My grace. Literally carrying you through this fire. You are here, because I am here and willing to endure through you, because of the love of the Father and for His glory. I will continue to strengthen you. The thoughts previously given to you beloved, are inspired by My spirit.
“You asked about judgment. How can you judge someone when the negative thought you had turns out to be true? How can it be judgment? It is judgment, because you have judged the person by their actions. I didn’t say the actions were a lie, but you have made and framed an idea in your mind about the persons, because of their actions; having no idea the influence, their motives, and that is why it’s judgment. I see from the beginning until the end, and only I can judge
justly. You only judge from what you perceive, what you see, and what is shown to you. Even if true, you will never be able to judge rightly, and that is why I am asking you to leave the judgment to Me, and Me alone beloved.
Do you love him?
Yes Lord, I do.
“Then endure a bit longer. He is someone who is bound in a prison, held captive by lies, allurements and curses. He does not see, but you do. I have brought him into your life to cooperate with Me, working with me hand-in-hand, to bring liberation; and it will take love and patience beloved, and it’s right around the corner. Can you not endure just a wee bit longer? The end of the year is almost here – I told you the devils would be clever to intensify things, so you can abandon ship right before breakthrough. No longer reason with yourself what you don’t understand, or how I will do it, or what will change. Just know that by the end of this trial beloved, he will be that faithful husband I spoke of. My words are faithful and true, you can trust them and trust My goodness. I had asked you to give him your trust wholeheartedly and you haven’t; which has caused you much anxiety and curiosity to know what is going on.
“Moving forward, trust Me. They say ignorance is bliss and it’s true to a point; you are not ignorant of the enemy’s devices, but your curiosity and what you find, leads you to stop loving him, but rather judging him instead, which opens the door for anger, bitterness and pride – which is the strongman that has a hold of you now. Renounce it right now before Me. Let go and I will bring all things to the light, just as you have been praying. I really need you to trust Me beloved, or you will continue to be miserable in this trial, and miss what it is I am doing and teaching you as well.
“I know you feel disappointed, and even betrayed by Me, but don’t believe the devils lies. I am faithful and I am good, I know you can’t fully understand what I am doing, but I need you again to trust My goodness and love him, and love Me, beloved. Get busy with ministry and the direction I have given you. The enemy wants to use this trial to lose your circle of focus, and you have to an extent. These next few days, make it count. Get your eyes off your situation, this marriage and him, and get busy with all that I have inspired you to do. As you continue to make yourself available to him, loving him and being there for him, while serving Me.
“Your joy is coming, your praise is coming, and your testimony and breakthrough is underway, for you and all My brides in the heat of the fire. It has only gotten worse because of the wind of breakthrough coming, and what I intend to do. Know that this is not the end of trials in this life, but the trial you have been facing My brides; is about to receive new hope, new direction, and restoration.
“So repent My beloved bride, humble yourself before Me and just like Mary – although she lacked understanding, she said “Nevertheless not my will be done, but yours.” Because she found favor in My sight, she became a source of faith and grace for all. You too have also found favour in My sight, and will be a testimony of faith and of My grace for all. Endure a bit longer and continue to respond, react, and walk, in love.”
And that was the end of Jesus’ message.