This was one of the harder days and my heart had been hurting all day because of the pain. I just remembered what Blessed Mother said, that a sword pierced her heart, and a sword would pierce mine too. That is what it felt like. A long, piercing pain that just wouldn’t go away.
I was now taking everything moment by moment and trying to get a life jacket because I was drowning in My sorrows. When I came home from running errands. I decided to spend more time with the Lord in worship, soaking prayer.
He played some wonderful songs to bring encouragement and to revive me — to continue to pray. Then one of the songs in worship He played was Jungle Habitat for Deep Sleep and Relaxation. It is an hour and a half long and naturally, or compulsorily, I would immediately change it to the next song. But I remembered Papa God said to come to heaven, to come often when the cares of this life weigh you down — and boy have I been down.
The pain in My heart has been so overwhelming and paralyzing. I found myself looking up to heaven today, as tears streamed down my face, just wanting to go home — wanting to be there with Jesus and My heavenly family.
So I thought to myself, I think Jesus wants me to go to heaven — and meet him in the Amazon there. Father Ezekiel is the one who made me add the jungle sounds to my playlist because he uses it often, to take his mind and heart to heaven, to see Blessed Mother in her bungalow. And he describes everything with such vivid detail. So I mustered up the courage and the little faith I had to also believe and to go there.
As the songs began I could see a forest full of lush greenery and many green leafy vines hanging down all over the trees and a variety of birds like the toucan, fluttering about, and many birds coming to and fro. I noticed I was high up on some type of canopy within the trees — and Jesus appeared on My right in an all-white tunic with his hands behind his back, smiling at Me.
He then grabbed a vine and swung landing across from Me [by] a couple of feet, on another canopy that linked like a teardrop leafy basket, but very stretchy or had a bounce to it. When he landed his clothes changed and he had a safari outfit on with a brown hat. He tossed the vine back to Me. I grabbed it and swung to him landing perfectly in the teardrop-shaped basket. I smiled and [was] a little nervous being so high up. He then smiled at me and told me to sit. It was a very nice basket, intimate, made for two.
Pillows appeared so I sat back — then a table appeared in the middle with candles — then the basket began to move like an aerial tram or sky tram. We were traveling through heaven’s Amazon. It was so beautiful. Now that it [had gotten] dark, there were fireflies glittering, lighting up the forest. I just thought to myself, Jesus is so romantic, My goodness. I missed him so much — I missed this — I missed us, with all that was going on.
As it began to move Jesus was sitting across from me. I could feel the pain in my chest just gnawing and I said, it hurts.
He said,
“I know it hurts, My little one. What you feel is just a fourth of a fraction of what pain I feel in My heart every day, for My brides — for the lost — those who reject Me, and Christians who say they know Me, but don’t love Me.” He looked away with tears swelling up in his eyes.
Lord, with the pain so overwhelming — almost paralyzing — how do You do it?
Jesus responded,
“My love is not like human love because I am pure and holy. I feel things more keenly. I feel every bit of the pain — your pain, and the pain of others. However, My love is also perfect. I Am love itself and because of that, the extent of the pain I feel is also the extent of the way that I love. So love consumes the pain in My heart which causes Me to endure for I Am love itself. Where sin abounds grace abounds and where pain abounds My love abounds — for it was the joy set before Me that I endured the cross. It was because of love that I endured the pain. Now do you understand?”
Wow! Yes Lord
“And I am making you into a beautiful image of Myself and that of many others who would follow Me and trust Me with their life lessons, life’s troubles, and trials. I am transforming you and the others into Love itself. When you love much, you feel much and when you love much you can also endure much.
“Don’t focus so much on the pain. It will consume you and become brambles of bitterness, resentment, and self-pity in your heart. Rather fix your eyes on Me. Fix your eyes on My promises and fix your eyes on heaven for the joy set before you, My beloved little one.
“You will be coming here often during your life on earth because you were created for this purpose — to live with one foot in heaven and one foot on the earth. To bring much hope, encouragement, relief, and ministry to others in this way. And because you have been called to a life of tremendous suffering this will also be means of healing and strength for you as well.
“So no longer disregard the promptings of My Spirit to come and [to] bring you here. There is much that happens to your soul and spirit when you’re here, Beloved. Much happens that you are not aware of and much healing you also need.
“Don’t be concerned with how things look now. I have told you this time and time again before this trial. Too often, Beloved, you continue to presume and play out all My promises to you and how [they] will happen. I say one thing and you automatically presume steps 1, 2, 3, and 4 will happen in conjunction to fulfill this promise.
“No, Beloved, abandon yourself entirely so you are not so easily disappointed — having expectations of the steps I never gave you. Rather be expectant of the promise that you can rely on and that I will not contradict. I know it’s not easy, but I promise you this will work out for your good, for the good of your family, of this flock, of Heartdwellers, of this marriage, and for Derrick’s good as well, and even that of your enemies.
“Oh, what a joyous that day that will be when they come to thank you for your prayers, and not leaving them to perish in hell because of their actions towards you and many others. When you live and love in this way you will not just be far from the kingdom of heaven, but you will be there. Where your enemies become your greatest benefactors and friends.
“There are some family members who will approach you here on earth to thank you once the veil is removed, their hearts are softened, and they are set free—and others will only be in heaven. But continue to pray, Beloved, breakthrough is not just for you and your family and your flock, but for your enemies as well. When you and all My brides were born, all of you were created to be gifts of salvation to the world.
Acts 13:47
For so the Lord has commanded us, ‘I have made you a light to the Gentiles, that you may be an instrument of salvation to the ends of the earth.
“You consented and I am using every means of your life to draw so many souls to Me, Beloved. That is the number one purpose for your life, to live for souls, to suffer for souls, and to lay down your life for souls. You then most resemble Me because that was My number one purpose — souls. That is where My glory is found, in souls.
“My glory can be manifested in several ways — by signs, wonders, demonstration of My power — but the greater miracle is often overlooked — and that is souls. When you walk outside, see My glory, not only in creation but in each soul that passes you. Here lies My glory and Greatest Miracle — God making Himself man to not only dwell among them — but after My life death and resurrection, now living within them.
“Seeing Me in each soul is glorious for that is where I intend to be. As I said in scripture. ‘Ye are like little gods’, (Psalm 82:6). Each soul is meant to be a little Christ here upon this earth. But if no one tells them — if no one shows them — they all walk in darkness and so far from the glory I intended for them — and intended for them to show to the world.
“That is why your life is so important, and you cannot give up, My little one. So many will come to know My glory, share in My glory, and live and die for My glory because of your life and that of your children. I am strengthening you now as I speak. Stand firm, be strong and courageous. Take each day at a time until breakthrough happens.
“What you need now is faith to turn your sorrow into joy, dread into expectation, and defeat into victory — because you already have it. Derrick will be the husband that you dreamed of and so much more. But that will take much love, grace, and patience on your part coupled with your prayers. All that I promised will come to pass, Beloved. Receive this salve, let it heal your heart.”
I then saw Jesus take this white cream from a white jar on the table and rub it in his hands it glowed. Then he took the salve and rubbed it on My chest where my heart was. I closed My eyes to receive it.
Just then I was interrupted by a call and anxiety tried to come again…
I could hear Jesus saying,
“… Come back, come back, Beloved. Breathe — surrender all to Me and let go once and for all.”
Jesus held my hands, and I clenched [His] tightly took, a deep breath, and looked into his eyes….
“Let go —and let’s enjoy this time we have together.”
Jesus came to sit next to Me. I leaned My head on his shoulders and held His arm. I closed My eyes and the beautiful flickering of the night sky, the fireflies and candle on the table in our canopy, reflected on My eyelids as we moved so gently and effortlessly through the Heavenly Amazon night sky.
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