Hello Brothers, Sisters, and Heartdwellers family. I had a hard fall in discernment. As you know we have been praying for Derrick to get an interview with the US Embassy to get a visa so he can come to the mountain. However, in Sierra Leone, he was denied. I was so distraught, unaware of what God had planned — and that very denial is what propelled Derrick and [me] to get married. So Jesus truly is in the denials and the delays, working it out for our good. However, the day he got denied, my cousin got a notification of another date for an interview for the US Embassy in Ghana. Derrick was adamant that he didn’t want to try again, and that we should give it time. But I discerned outside of him and was persistent that he had to go. It was the Lord, right? It wasn’t a coincidence that a date popped up the same day he was denied.
However, I didn’t submit myself to his judgments and went full steam ahead, although we had many conversations of [his] sharing with me his hesitation of going to the interview and fear of being rejected again. I received this message the day of his interview and I thought I heard the Lord say to not worry, that he would get the visa, and many other things in the message. I went with peace and full assurance that he would get it. And not only that, [but] this would also increase his Faith in my discernment and messages I get from the Lord. Boy was I wrong, I wreaked of pride, pride, pride, Even when I discerned this message I got Pride and immediately referred it to something else.
He got denied. The truth is I was getting warnings about suffering and humiliation, and I was afraid to be humiliated in this way. I was afraid to again to carry this cross. When we got home, we had the biggest fight ever and the Lord made it known to me He allowed this failure in discernment because of my pride. I began to question the whole message wanting to delete it and was so discouraged. This was the biggest surprise in my plans because it means I would have to stay in Ghana for maybe 1-2 years for him to apply another way. I know I am called to Ghana, and this is our mission, but I didn’t plan on it turning out this way. I didn’t even bring all my items from the mountain, and we weren’t on the same page concerning so many things about the mission. I just didn’t understand.
Can you guys see my pride and lack of faith again? I reasoned with myself, “Well the first time he was denied something amazing came out of it, something amazing is around the corner,” it has to be because I didn’t know what to do next at this point.
I removed the paragraphs there were my flesh and submitted the remaining message for others to discern because I felt some of it was from the Lord and sure enough what you are about to hear is from Jesus now that my prideful statements are removed. But it hasn’t been easy, these past few days, trying to get the courage to hear from Jesus again and that is why there has been such a lag in messages. Please forgive me. Pray for me guys, to walk in greater humility and trust in the Lord in this new season.
So I came before the Lord,
Good morning, I had a wonderful time in worship. But more things have risen to my mind, and I realize I fear humiliation, Lord. I know much suffering is coming, so I am a bit hesitant about everything.
“Well, don’t be, Beloved, we are in this together. You know, you don’t suffer alone and when humiliated, you are not humiliated alone either. I share in all your sufferings, inconveniences, and pain from the least to the greatest.”
Then Jesus began to encourage us to go and see the land for the City of God Community. It’s about an hour and half away.
“He will be greatly inspired when you go. And follow the inspiration in putting together a small pamphlet about the vision and mission of City of God, easy for anyone to read and catch the vision. This can be given to others to look over, to get inspired and want to help. I desire to show My mercy in this place, and it will begin there.
“Do not worry, all things will work out as I plan it, Beloved, not as you planned it. So detach from how I work things out and how you want things to be. But you can trust My faithfulness to get you to the expected end, Beloved.
“For now stay prayerful and at my feet to receive counsel each day. Finish the tasks that I put before you. Please be oh so very diligent, Beloved, no longer be lax or hesitant about things. I am giving Derrick the grace right now to really come on board and help you fulfill the instructions I provide you two.”
I also had some concerns about the wedding. With things ramping up I received some counsel that we shouldn’t do a wedding since we were married. Plus, my family here would really like to take control over that ceremony and many assignments can be placed on us. So I was seeking the Lord [as] whether to let go of that desire or to move forward and if it was his will.
Jesus responded to my thoughts,
“That day will be one of great elation and joy beyond imagining for what My mother intends to do. Miracles upon miracles, or different little miracles…,”
Ha! and I felt Jesus singing that. It’s from a song called Promise by Maverick City which Holy Spirit loves to play over me — and used that as a promise for Derrick’s and my marriage.
“Miracles too numerous to the count. It will be a day when I will be truly glorified by all. Pray into that time and get your bridal group to do the same. They will see what it looks like when Heaven puts a marriage and a wedding together. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of all the details. You have no idea how much it means to Me and My mother. “
“So many think I am a God so far — just concerned with the big things — too busy to get involved with the small things in life. But it’s the small things, rather, that show your great trust in Me. That is why I love to work with you. Continue to seek My Mother out in every detail and every direction you take in planning this wedding event.
“She is beyond excited, and many surprises will be in store for you leading up to that time. So do not worry about anything. Whatever may present itself, whatever discouraging dreams you may have, or situations that may look like roadblocks. You pray and it will move, you adore Me, and it will be utterly destroyed. Trust Me once more and I will do what I have said.”
Thank you, Lord, you’re so amazing. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for — and more.
“Well, that is what I desire to be for all My brides. My beloved ones, why do you still keep the hidden details of your heart from Me? I care — I care how you wear your hair, what you wear, what you like, and don’t like. I care what you prefer, I care about your struggles at work, home, or on tasks that I have given you to do.
“I care about the friendships you desire, the loneliness you feel, your insecurities, and quirky things only I know that cause you to have low self-esteem. I care — I care about where you will work, even where you park and where you will sit when you enter a room or are flying on a plane.
“I care and desire to help you make these seemingly unimportant decisions. Do you know the most insignificant moments of your life are orchestrated by Me? I care what grocery store you choose to shop in, where your kids go to school, who your kid’s teacher is—even to the programs you love to watch that bring you joy and fun, holy entertainment when you feel you need to get away a little. I care.
“I care about the pain you feel for your family or the wounds you have incurred by betrayals by those who were supposed to love you. I care about the heartbreak you just had or that young girl or young boy you are crushing over. I care, I am there with you and for you, and desire to do life with you.
“Come to Me about all of these things, nothing is too little or insignificant for your God.
“I am interested in what you have to say. I am interested in how you feel, I am interested to know the desires of your heart, your fears, your doubts, and what excites you. I am interested. Some say, ‘But you’re God, You know all of these things.’ But I say to you I am, but I am also a man, and I desire a relationship with you. That is what I died for, you that you may be with me where I am. There is no need to wait until we get to Heaven, let’s begin now.
“Talk to Me you as would your best friend. When you feel the need to vent, it’s okay, come to me instead. I am the best listener, and I will protect you from what gossip and detraction can do when you vent to another. Be very honest with Me, brutally honest with Me about how you feel. I can take it, trust Me.
“Don’t shy or hide your feelings of anger, resentment, and even unforgiveness you have towards Me. My merciful love is available and will not only envelope you, but embrace you wholly, washing you clean, restoring your hope, your love, and your trust in Me again.
“I love you, My brides, more than you can know, and I will do anything to have a relationship with you —personal, intimate, and monogamous. Will you do the same for Me? Seek me out until you find Me, (Jeremiah 29:13). I am always speaking — and once you’re done speaking, pull Rhemas and see if I don’t respond so clearly to your plight, — to what you have just shared and what you want to know.
“I want to talk to all souls in this personal intimate way. There is nothing special about this little one besides that she keeps coming in faith and writing and she is not afraid to be humbled in discernment, because that comes with this gift. How else will you learn?
“This gift is made available to all My beloved ones for I said in Scripture ‘My sheep hear My voice and the voice of the stranger they will not follow.’ (John 10:27) meaning all have the ability to know Me, to be taught by Me (John 6:45), to hear my voice, and to follow it. Come, My sweet dove, come to be befriended by the one who loves you the most. I wait for you.”
Here I paused, thinking Jesus was finished but I got Laziness in discerning this because he had more He wanted to say.
“Continue to write, Beloved, it is all well. You see, My brides, it begins with the pureness of heart to hear My voice. You must be honest with yourself and be honest with Me. Too many of you are attached to the outcomes of things. Or, like this little one, attached to the way I do things. At least she comes to Me, honest about what she desires, but then submits to My will. Don’t be afraid of My will, beloved ones. Too many of you fear what I will say, what I will ask you to do or what I will ask you to give up. Don’t you know I will meet you where you are and give you the grace to do all that I ask you to do?
“Just trust Me and come to Me empty, barren, naked. After you share your opinions and preferences, leave them at my feet, and just as I told the Father, it is my desire that the cup passes from Me, but in all this nevertheless, Father your will be done.
“Say that — do that — and every time I will make My direction clear to you. I will give you the grace to understand My instructions and to hear My voice. For a pure soul is so irresistible to Me and only desires what I desire.
“And from that very desire, they hear me much more clearly. It takes faith and time but so many are unwilling to try or even start. Please, My brides, don’t weary Me with your unbelief. You just come and I will speak to you.
“Friendship with God should be the most sought-after thing in My body. But unfortunately, so much prosperity has taken that place. So many seek Me for what they can get, what I can do for them and what they want rather than what My will is in their lives and to know My heart which aches for the consolation of My brides, the friendship of My brides the companionship of My brides. I long for you, and I need you in this way.”