Hello, brothers and sisters and Heartdwellers family.
The Lord began to bring much clarity concerning my trip to Ghana. He made it clear to me that I wasn’t to tell my family or even wear my habit there. I was a bit taken aback because just recently, as you all heard in the messages, I was called to strip down and give many things away. Now He was telling me to buy clothes for the trip? — and I was stressing. I talked to my cousin because the Lord made it clear I was to stay with her — and she is the same one having many issues with her husband and is now separated.
She stated she wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk with me and told me that I needed to dress up—make my appearance suitable for Derrick in order for him to desire me in that way. She went on and on because her husband had complained about how she dressed and had let herself go. And when she began to dress nicely during their separation, he was drawn to her. Guys that had me stressing, even more. I didn’t realize how sick of the world I had become.
I used to be a fashion designer and the Lord had to do “a work” to get me in a habit. And now I looooove my habit. Insecurities and fears came rushing upon my heart — and honestly, I didn’t want to compete for Derrick’s attention in this way. After getting off the phone with her I was full of anxiety as tears streamed down my face as I told the Lord I would do what he wanted (wearing secular clothes), but it couldn’t be because of Derrick, it just couldn’t be. The Lord couldn’t bring me this far just to have me dress up to get a man’s attention. I was perplexed.
The Next morning, [upon] waking up, I was still full of anxiety and immediately heard Jesus speaking to me, so I began writing.
Jesus, I come to you with my stomach tied in knots. I am so sorry that I am so weak. If it’s your will Lord, please bring peace to my heart and mind concerning Ghana.
“My beloved one, you are being pelted with fears and doubts again My love. Remember? I have gone before you to remove all obstacles and hindrances. [I’m] not saying this trip will be without suffering because it is in suffering that you draw nearer to Me and closer to My heart, resembling Me, Beloved.
“This trip is necessary, My beloved one, and provision will be made for you concerning the Land that is already yours. Put your fears to rest, Beloved, concerning Derrick. That will be a different matter. I have already told you what is in store before he comes to the mountain. Be very gracious with him even in his weaknesses. However, after the Sierra Leone trip, his spirit will have changed very much. After seeing how My Spirit moves through you, your brother, and even him, he will hunger and thirst for me again like never before. I will be the sole object of his desire— and because of it, that will change his feelings towards you, towards the mission and the work you both are called to. He will be on board, Beloved, and focused for that one intent.
“Your cousin meant well, but her thoughts are not my sentiments, Beloved. Rather I am calling you to be a woman of virtue not consumed or concerned with the vanities of life, especially after you get married. Derrick will be quite different, and those things will no longer concern him. However, on this trip, it is important that you humble yourself. I know you feel you have given so much, and I am asking you to give more. This doesn’t take away from who you are, Beloved, nor do I want you walking around in insecurity concerned with your looks. NO, Beloved, this is for your protection for now.
“It would be wise for you to go there living the hidden life in Me. That is why that Rhema was given.”
And the Rhema he gave paraphrasing said, “to live the hidden life is to not make know your virtues before men.”
“Wearing your habit there will make you a target and I want your hidden life to be interior this time, not exterior. You are going to lay the groundwork for the City of God Community.”
But Lord, how, what is that you want me to do?
“[The] majority of it will consist of much prayer, — praying over the land once you arrive, getting the practical side of things in order, Beloved one, and going to love and serve the people there. I will send you out in the streets to love on the children, get to know the sighs and prayers of the suffering.
“Be a blessing in this way, and of course, drawing you and Derrick together deeply for this work. That is why Sierra Leone is so very necessary — that will be the turning point to have his whole heart into the City of God vision. He will accompany you in many of your outings and so will your cousin. Do not concern yourself with the former frictions between you three. You know, more than anyone, prayer changes everything.
“So begin praying for her and you, now. You both praying together will be so powerful. I will also begin to do an amazing work in her husband while you are there. I am bringing restoration to you both, but you both must trust me — be gracious to these men in their weaknesses and pray fervently as you have never before. Strongholds will be broken, and walls will be torn down never to rise again.
“When you go, listen and honor Derrick’s requests, Beloved Little One. Let him see a side that is vulnerable, and submissive, really take to heart his instructions, and the wisdom he gives you concerning how to set things up and what he thinks is best for you both to do.
“If there is anything contrary, gently suggest it and bring it before Me in prayer. I am teaching you the dynamics of a holy relationship where your whole trust is in Me. You will continue to see breakthrough, for I am turning your mourning into dancing and your sorrow into joy.
“Continue to pray, in this time, that he will let go of the world completely. Many changes will take place as you are there, and I will have him join you as you return back. Don’t push and don’t insist on your way in anything, Beloved, especially concerning him. Just be gentle, understanding, humble, and meek of heart and I will do the rest.”
Lord, [are] there any ministry items I should purchase for Ghana? [Because, as you guys know, we have a love of ministry items — packages of food, clothing, and shoes for Sierra Leone.]
“No, Beloved, just bring what you will have. It will be your love, your compassion, your tenderness, and the time you give these children and the people I will have you encounter is what will matter most. Pray for your aunt fervently while you are there, and your family.
“I have My warring angels surrounding you. Arch Angels Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael will accompany you. You have nothing to fear, you will be protected and cloaked from the principalities, demons, and witches there.
“When you return to Ghana at My appointed time, you will come with boldness and strength because there will not be just one of you but two. You and Derrick will be a fortress united in My indwelling presence for all to see—your enemies and advocates alike.
“For now, trust Me, receive My peace. Do not let anxiety rule and let gratitude, praise, and prayer be your posture no matter how hard the winds come. You will not be disappointed on this trip, Beloved, and seek Me out alone in all things. Only let My opinion matter above all, and no one else’s. I am with you in these things. I love you and thank Me for him and what I am doing. You will overcome.”
That was the end of Jesus’ message.
We had our intercessory meeting and I shared this with the group and got some great sound advice as I had them all discern if this was the Lord’s will and got strong confirmation. One of my married priests who is a pastor’s wife gave me some great advice. That I should be excited and know the Lord is transitioning me from a minister to a wife and I am thinking like a minister. Oh boy, I never saw it that way. She continued [to say that] I need to let go abandon myself and enjoy what the Lord is doing —and that my habit being off doesn’t take away my identity but rather makes Derrick comfortable enough to relate to me until the Lord really turns his heart to this way of life. And to always remember that yes, I have given much, but I am giving to the Lord, not to Derrick. And we can never outgive God because He will return to me pressed down, shaken, and pouring over as I surrender all and give Him all He asks for.
I thought, wow, thank you for such wisdom. She is right. I don’t know how not to be a minister and really need prayer to be a gentle, submissive, yielding wife. Lord, help me. Please pray for me, family—I realize more and more it’s not Derrick that needs the prayers, but me. So please pray for me.
So, one of the newest members of the community and I went shopping at a nearby thrift store. The Lord was so gracious to tell me how many items of clothing to get, to the letter. Would you know I was able to get a month and a half worth of clothes for just under $86! #hushmaryandJesushush! I had asked them both to help me to pick out items and keep them as much in line with poverty as possible, and it was! I did have to reel in my inner fashionista, though, lol.
Thank you again for following me on this journey. I hope you are enjoying my failures, my ups, and downs, and the soon fulfillment of this promise — to give you hope as well. The Lord has made it clear to give $5,000 for the land to Derrick’s mother, we just received $2,000 and are needing $3,000. Our donations are so low, guys, so whatever you can give to finally sow into the City of God Community will be greatly appreciated. I will have lots of pictures and videos for you guys once I arrive. Thank you all for supporting our Heartdwellers Ghana group on this journey as well! God bless you, family, until the next message!