Okay, hey guys, I’m here in Albuquerque. I just got released from the hospital yesterday, by the grace of God. As you can see, I don’t have my habit or anything on. I was rushed to the hospital, and I came as I am.
It was so rough, it was really, really, really rough. They said I had some of the worst Malaria. Many times I felt like I was on the edge of death, and I really believe that I was — I really, really believe I was. If it wasn’t for the prayers of the Heartdwellers family, just from me seeing the power of prayer, having everyone lift me up, it was just not two days ago where I felt so in despair — I was so hopeless, and I just wanted to give up, honestly. I just told the Lord to just take me to heaven because the pain was overwhelming. Every single day, not being able to breathe and literally felt as if I was about to die. And God being so faithful and just so merciful towards me — He’s revealed there was a bit of correction in this as well. It is my nature and my character that He has allowed this humbling and this trial and this sickness. I really have to take a deep look in my heart to repent of different things I continue to do displease him.
So I’m really doing a deep searching right now for really deep repentance because the truth of the matter is I have found myself more frustrated, and resentful, wondering, “Lord, what have I done” you know? And that just shows my self- righteousness and my pride. But more and more, as I have come out today and feeling as though I was on the edge of death — seeing God’s mercy — really seeing God’s mercy. Sister Martha allowed me to stay with her because my Mom is coming into town so that she could stay with me for a couple of days to try to nurse me back before I go to the mountain.
Yesterday when I got back from the hospital I didn’t realize I was so swollen, from the chest down, just swollen, my feet just swollen and last night I was unable to breathe. I didn’t realize I could sleep at all, lying down because I can’t breathe. The pain in my chest and my back is so much. And uh, because, I have to confess my sins before everybody — because the doctors told me that I’m going to need to eat a regular diet. I need to eat a lot of iron because I’m anemic now. So in my mind, I was like okay, freedom, I haven’t really eaten, and decided to get a steak from Outback Steakhouse. I know, that’s why I’m such a hot mess. I knew it was wrong and I was like, Lord, please just allow this and sure enough, I got it. Sister Martha ate a lot healthier — and of course, I threw everything up last night. I wasn’t able to eat, and I got attacked too with another sleep paralysis and I knew it was the Lord. I got attacked twice and I felt the Lord was just like, “What are you doing?” You know the demons are just having a field day because the demons are God’s policemen. So, I was really humbled because at 3 a.m. I couldn’t sleep, then the attack as well. I then pulled three Rhemas and the Rhemas were about scripture readings. So I read some scriptures and of course, the Lord admonished me for my laziness even during my sickness and doing my priestly duties. So, I said, “Okay, Lord, you’re right, I’ve kind of used this sickness as a crutch and not wanting to do anything and I’m so sorry, Jesus — you know, for giving in to my flesh and also to spending that much on what we ate, was so unnecessary and all these things. Thank goodness, by him allowing me to throw everything up, it actually made me feel a lot much better.
I woke up this morning and just decided to take not only take a walk — because I don’t have anything with me. I don’t have my laptop, I only have my phone. I don’t have headphones to really spend time with the Lord as I wanted to. As I was walking I saw the street name and it’s called Shepard. I was like, “Wow, Lord — and it just reminded me of Psalm 23, the Lord is our shepherd. He’s a really, really good shepherd. Even when we don’t understand — even in the valley. I remember one time, it was Richard Wurmbrand in the movie, Tortured for Christ, when he found himself with tuberculosis and he thought he was going to die, the young man who actually saved him got medicine from his family but gave it to Richard instead and the young man began to recite Psalm 23 and said, you know, um, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want, He makes me lie down in green pastures. And even if he makes me lie down in the bed of sickness, I will praise Him, and that really struck a chord with me. Because, a lot of times, we say that scripture, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He restores my soul — I don’t know it by heart, I should — um, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil… But a lot of times — sometimes it’s not pastures He lets you walk in, but sometimes the bed is sickness. He leads you there because he’s a good shepherd, even when He leads you in that valley, whatever that valley may look like. Even if it’s bedridden, He leads you there and that really hit home for me and I was walking I was like, Lord, You have been my shepherd and you’re so faithful. Just a week ago I thought, you know, death was knocking at my door, and I really felt it — everything about me felt it, and look, I’m alive, thank You, Lord.
Then I come here to the park, and I see a whole bunch of police cars and investigators. I don’t know what was going on — then I see them taking a body and putting it in a vehicle. It just hit, it was like, Oh my gosh, somebody just died, and I just began to pray Divine Mercy for them. People are still walking around, it’s a really nice park — people were still walking around, business as usual. And, it just really hit me, like somebody died today — and people die every second of every moment — and how many times do we just walk around this life in our own little bubble, not caring, not concerned with souls — the salvation of souls… I just began to think, did he know the Lord and how is his family feeling, and what they were going through? So, I immediately just went in the spirit and went into the vehicle, and I felt like it was a man. And, uh, I just gave him absolution and I asked the Lord for mercy and prayed Divine Mercy over his soul and asked for peace and comfort over his family. As everybody is going on, business as usual. There was just reality of life, how short life is right now. Jesus is coming and more importantly to live our lives not for ourselves but for others.
The Lord is asking everything, guys, everything from all of us — every sacrifice squeezing everything He can out of us. Whatever He allows the enemy to permit in our lives he’s asking — for the salvation of souls. That’s what hit me today, it’s all for souls. All that I went through — all that I will go through — because, if I could be honest, it got me fearful. It got me fearful even of going back to Zambia, of the mission, of the future. I was like, man, Lord, if I could get hit this hard, then what else? And it’s not right to think that way. So, the Lord is my shepherd and I put my hands in His hands. I will walk with Him and whatever He permits and allows — it’s all for souls. And give me the grace to not live my life or myself but for others. So I just wanted to share that with you guys — on this journey — this journey of Malaria, uniting my suffering to the Lord.
It’s so unfortunate but just — back again after sharing with you guys — praying for that guy who—that a young man who I felt had passed away—I went to get a Rhema from the Lord and I got, console me and I saw a woman walk out of the house crying to a neighbor and I felt the Lord wanted me to go and console her. So I went to go and talk to her and came to find out that this young boy — he’s really young, he’s only 32 and he was kind of troubled, depressed a little bit but he committed suicide last night. He was not a family of theirs, but he stayed with them to help her and her husband. They were so surprised because they talked to him last night. He was fine. They woke up this morning and he was gone. They didn’t realize how deep his depression was. He has siblings. They all just arrived at the house. I just, prayed for her and I’m so grateful, once again — God is a good shepherd that He brought me here because I felt the Lord said that his soul is not lost — tell her the soul is not lost. That’s what I told her, and she was beginning to cry as we prayed the Divine Mercy. Even that I believe his soul’s in purgatory for sanctification and then the Lord will take him to heaven, So, his soul is not lost. With any person who has had somebody commit suicide, I grew up thinking for sure, if you committed suicide you would go straight to hell and that’s a lie. I found out — because our God is so merciful. Because of His mercy, he takes into account our weaknesses, He takes into account — He alone knows what the soul is dealing with — what demons they’re being oppressed by, generational curses, why they did what they did, the actions — everything. Because of that, he takes it into account. That’s why there are some souls who will take their lives and then in God’s great mercy, the Lord will show mercy and will be taken to heaven. Versus someone who will commit suicide and go to hell. But I just believe God sent me here today just for that reason — for this particular soul. He had prompted me to take a walk with him this morning, on Shepard street, and led me here — right here to this house with this young boy whose body was being taken and now will be with Jesus sooner than later. So I pray that all priests who are watching this, let’s do a Lord’s Supper for him — let’s say for seven days, asking the Lord for mercy over his soul. And praying for his family too for peace and comfort that passes understanding. And more importantly, a grace to conversion — that the family will all draw near to the Lord because of it. Because the Lord has made it clear that when somebody dies so many graces are released upon family members to draw them closer to the Lord. I broke every curse of death and every curse of suicide upon the rest of the family members. Because that’s what happens to suicide, it will jump on one person and then jump on another. But we just break that off of this family in the Name of Jesus and pray for peace and comfort. So, once again, God is in the details. He really is my good shepherd and leads me in every step and every day and every detail. So we thank the Lord for His mercy today for that particular soul — and mercy over my life as well.
God bless you guys, until the next video.