Months ago, I applied for US Visa so I can go back to America eventually, but I had to wait for a date to be available for my interview at the Embassy in my citizenship country. And upon getting a date finally, and after paying the fees, some thoughts began to run in my mind for some days about the “what if’s” concerning my departure to my country and the situations which might arise with family; what will happen, how it will happen, how will I respond, etc. Which obviously tires the mind and the soul. I spoke with my parents after their Easter guests left and Dad approached and asked me how our Easter— our Passover was today, and he came to know that those with me did not celebrate it today, but rather celebrated a feast called “Divine Mercy Sunday”.
A little background, my family and I being of the Orthodox background, our Easter is celebrated one week later, after the one on the Catholic calendar.
So as I told him, he listened silently but I could feel some of the thoughts he had while looking at his eyes. He then made a comment, and I saw he had some questions about my Walk, he had questions about the roots of the Heartdwellers.
I had previously found myself longing to visit my family and to play a bit with my little 2-year-old niece but debating with myself between the going points and the not-going points. So fear and longing were pulling the cord back and forth, and the slight clashing with dad’s gaze made me not wish to go there anymore. For I suspect questions would come about this Walk I chose. [I might be wrong anyway.]
Dad went to take care of his things while Mom and I proceeded to continue with our chat as she had finished sorting out the dishes. And at one point, the question was made if I am coming there for the Embassy or for staying with them. And I told her, “For the Embassy and for visiting you, guys. But like I said before, I won’t be there for the staying as I was before with you.”
She then said, “You seem as though you are coming here as if a stranger.” Asking, “Where is your home, dear?”
“Good question,” I replied. “By far I have three.” I tried to make up something reasonable, referring myself to three basic places; the Mountain in Taos, the apartment in Portugal with them, and the house in our village in Moldova. But this set me unto thinking, “I don’t seem to have a place I can call home anymore.” Having been on travels for a while, switching from place to place – even if I were to stay mostly at the Mountain, I do not stay there set, I will be moved somewhere else eventually. If I go to Portugal, the point is not to settle in that apartment either for I will be moved eventually. If I were to go to my village, it would be the same would be there. If I go to Ghana, even that place is not a set place to settle. Eventually, the Lord moves you.
The following morning, I had a glooming sadness over me about my father’s gaze and look, about my own inclination and battle to detach myself from family and not to be moved by them. I remembered the Lord’s words,
“Foxes have dens, birds have nests,
but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.”
Understanding that the “no place to lay his head,” meant he had no fixed place to call his home or to settle. He was always on the move then, from place to place.
And also being reminded, “My kingdom is not of this world.” “Where I am, you too shall be.”
I then pondered how a woman is to leave the nest of her family—of her father’s roof—and go under the wing and shelter of her spouse. Where the home of the husband is, there is her home too. That “A man is to leave his parents and join his wife.” Or vice versa.
Jesus has taken me from under my father’s roof, no longer in the family’s nest. I cannot call a place ‘my home’ here on earth because, although I am indeed given a place to stay — they are temporary. I am a temporary visitor to these homes. He takes one out of the family’s roof and prepares a place for him/her near Him. And where is His home? “Not of this world”. That is why one feels like a pilgrim and a wanderer on earth. One sent on a mission is not in his homeland, but is in a foreign land, where he is to carry out his mission from place to place if it is needed.
But I can hear it in my spirit, Him saying, “I have taken you out of your father’s house and brought you into Mine. Where I am, there you are. Where My home is, there is yours.”
Therefore, whatever place we are to go, whatever house is giving us hospitality, whatever country – it is not a settled home. Not even those who have long lives in their apartment, or homes, cannot call those places their true home, for they, too, are here on earth for a temporary visit.
Truly, as He says, “My Kingdom is not of this world”, He is up in Heaven, there is where one’s settled home is. A place prepared by Him. Near Him.
In the end, concerning going or not going to Portugal, being near family or not, I tell Him; “I do not wish one thing to another. Whatever the Good Lord chooses for me, that is what I want.” Detaching myself.
It’s interesting to point out the Rhemas I got later on. They said:
“Abandon yourself to the love of God. Trust in its guidance. Let it be your life, your all, and try to do everything out of love.”
“Pray for your children” [Mother-Souls topic]
“Will you be? Eyes to the blind, feet to the lame. A mother/father to the needy. Will you break the fangs of the wickedand snatch the victim from their teeth?” – JOB 29: 15-17
“There will always be demons to inspire dissatisfaction with some family members when you don’t bow down to their demands. Are you willing to face them off and lose their affection for My sake? Obedience is not something you give to everyone. You are never under any obligation to obey something when it violates your conscience or the Gospels. For this, great discrimination [differentiation] is needed.” – JESUS
God bless you all. May you all be strong in the Lord and look forward to your home in heaven. Amen.