“God Provides!” These were the words I told my father when he gave me his ultimatum: “Either you follow the rules in this house and what I tell you to do, or you can leave and keep doing your religion outside.”
In January 2019, after having been away from the Lord for a few years, I reaffirmed my vows to him and took up my Christian walk again. During the next few months, I would end up in many confrontations with my father, who had a great amount of opposition to religion. It would eventually culminate in him telling me to choose between my faith or leaving the house.
During that time, I had gone back to my studies so that I could go to university in a town called Sherbrooke, in Quebec. I was really determined so I went all in, in my studies, even taking a summer class so that I could complete every course I had left within one semester instead of two. I greatly desired to head straight to Sherbrooke, because had I felt the Lord calling me to that town for a while now.
My parents being separated, at that time I lived fully with my father in Canada, while my mother was in the United States. After I packed up my stuff to leave my father’s house, I headed straight to my older brother’s apartment on the other side of town. I wasn’t that bad off. Still, it was kind of humbling going from living in a pretty big house to this small 4 1⁄2 apartment. Not only was I living with my elder brother, but also with my grandma who came to visit for a few months from Cameroun. My grandma is a real spiritual powerhouse. She’s the one who greatly influenced my desire to follow Christ when I was very young. She and my mother laid down the foundations of my faith at a really young age. It was really a blessing for me to have her with me in this time of trial. We prayed together a lot.
Thinking back, I remember having a dream, before the whole ordeal, of my brother, my grandma, and me living in some kind of dark but cozy underground catacomb, with candles lighted here and there, some small tables, and a few chairs. There was also a stove made of stones, like the old ones, where my grandma was baking bread. Symbolism for the Word much! I had actually received a form of a prophetic dream.
The half-year I lived over there; things went well. I was able to complete all my classes without a problem. Especially my Physics exam, where I only had an average of 59% right before the final exam. Praise God, I was able to score 87% for my finals and pass the class! Phew, thank you, Jesus.
Church life was going great. I had found such a great community and new friends who became like a second family. We really made life together—all kinds of activities. I grew so much during that period. I had started a job at a grocery store so I could gather some money, as I was heading to University in Sherbrooke. During that period, the Lord put much emphasis on music in my spirit; as I was thinking and asking for ways to serve him and which gifts, he had given me. Guitar was the instrument that I played at that time, and still do, but I would often think about the violin. An instrument that I actually played for five years during my youth. But it had been more than 10 years since I touched one, having had given up on the instrument for lack of motivation. I would, therefore, often immediately, dismiss the idea.
I still remember that miraculous moment, when I was heading into the back store, on my second day at the job, how one of the employees, who was leaving for summer, was talking to another employee about that $300 violin that he bought but didn’t plan on using after all. He turned to me, as I passed the doors, and asked me if I wanted to have it… for free… Seriously, Lord, you can’t just blindside me like that. I was so amazed and unimaginably grateful to receive this gift. It was a straight-up heavenly confirmation, no doubts required.
Eventually, summer ended, and I prepared for the beginning of university. I was preparing for my move to Sherbrooke. On the night before I left, My grandma spoke this verse on me.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn bush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers, the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”
A week or two later, I joined a community of students who gathered together at a house to pray, worship, and hang out together. The first time I entered the house, I was a little late and I could see the people already gathered together in a Bible study. As I came into the house, took off my jacket, and stealthily sat down on one of the free chairs placed in circle, the first verse that I heard being read was the exact same that my grandma had spoken on me when I left Isaiah 55:12-13. At this point, I knew I was exactly in the place that the Lord wanted me to be.
This part of my journey, as I started to walk with Christ again, taught me that God, if we would only trust him, provides. Not only money, but also the endurance to go through trials, the love to forgive even those that might have rejected us, AND the reconciliation to those same people. The friends, as close as family, and a community that will become our greatest beams of support in harsh times. The faith needed to trust we’re heading the right way, a place to grow and expand ourselves. The gifts needed to serve Him greater, and the very instruments that we need so we may fully manifest our gifts on this earth. He really makes provision for us and moves the world in a way before we can even have it in mind to pray and request. So, only believe beloved. Only believe that provision is already made at every step. He wants to bless us so overwhelmingly through the very desires of our hearts that he’s implanted in us.
Oh, before I forget, my father and I were able to reconcile and put this ordeal behind us. He gave me back the keys to the house and we really hugged it out. Sometime later, while I visited the house from Sherbrooke, I was playing a worship song in my room on my guitar. My father knocked and came in. He asked if I wanted to play downstairs while he would accompany me on the piano. It was just this sweet peaceful moment spent with him. The Lord is still knocking on his heart, but I know there is nothing for me to be worried about. He’s already made provision for me. Right?
Thank you, Jesus, for always being one step ahead, and that we may trust you when you ask us to take that step of faith knowing everything is already in place.
Yes, I know you as Jireh…My Provider. Amen.