Hello, Brothers and Sisters and Heartdwellers Family,
This wouldn’t be Lent without lessons on humility and the Lord exposing my faults again.
A situation happened a few days ago where I got a text from a soul who was correcting me on something they thought I did and didn’t do well. I was having a wonderful day and their comment pierced my heart. I could feel anger rising up as I so badly wanted to defend myself and correct them. I fought with sending a response back — deleted some of it—but still sent a message attempting to defend myself.
Then it began a few minutes of texts going back and forth as anger continued to rise in my heart at the comment. I finally realized it was going nowhere. I apologized for the error although it wasn’t sincere because I was brooding, and I have had past injuries with the soul doing this before.
I decided to end it on a positive note telling the soul how much I appreciate her for all she did. I patted myself on the back thinking “Wheew, okay I did good. I didn’t go there…”
But the next few days afterward thoughts would randomly hit my heart about the offense every time I would get a text from her. I could feel the irrational in my heart and wanting to be cold in my affection. Uh oh I was brooding as I tried to cast the thoughts down it was too late it had entered my heart and I found myself making arguments against the things she said and defending myself in my heart. Has anyone ever done that? My goodness I have been here before with so many other situations with different souls. One time the Lord interrupted my thoughts when I was going back and forth reasoning and defending myself after an accusation from a dear friend, and He said, “Stop, you’re arguing with a demon!”
You know the dialogue in your head goes, “I can’t believe they said that and do they know that this and this, and they have no idea what they are talking about, and how many times have they…”— on and on as the demons just feed you all these arguments in your heard and you fall for it every time—well at least I do. I thought I had put it behind me until I was doing a message last night and my heart started hurting I got “Gossip” twice in the Bible Promise Book.
Leviticus 19:16 “Do not go around saying thing that hurt your people. Do not do things against the life of your neighbor. I am the Lord.”
Ouch I thought, Lord I haven’t gossiped about anyone—then I thought for a minute and wondered, hmm, could be the thoughts I have had in my heart lately against this soul? I asked the Lord and got Fruitfulness. I thought, really? Okay, Lord…and repented.
Then in the morning I went to get a reading from Mother Angelicas “Little book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality”. This is a wonderful book for Lent, by the way. She exposes your faults and makes you laugh at the same time.
What did I get? The chapter was “Overcoming Your Faults” and I got Gossip.
I thought, Geeze, Lord, I repented! And not only that, but she was wrong too!
Can you see my pride and lack of contrition, guys? Oh boy, I began brooding all over again which showed I wasn’t really sorry for my sin but rather upset that He was correcting me again. I was pouting the whole time in worship. And after some time realized I had hurt Him again with this sin and hurt another.
I realized I was so prone to this sin in my heart and was tired of it. He began speaking but one of my brothers borrowed my computer, so I was unable to write down our dialogue. However, when my computer came back I went straight to the Lord writing,
Lord you pinned me to the wall. Can we now talk?
[Jesus] “Yes, I am pinning that pride of yours to the wall, Beloved one. I know it’s painful, but it must be done”
I am sorry Lord for hurting you this way and for resisting your correction. It got me brooding and angry actually, as all the other offenses came to my mind. I am a mess, and how I desire with my whole heart to get rid of this sin of Gossip, the sin of Respectability, Accusation, and Suspicion. I realize it has plagued me my whole life and all my relationships with people. Please help me Lord, could you just give me a special grace of dispensation and just take away all my faults and make me perfect right away??
“I could, but what fun with that be?” As He chuckled.
It would be wonderful for me, Lord.
“You think it would be, but I am making you to be an overcomer, Beloved, so you can teach others how to overcome their faults as well. Sanctification is a process. Plus, it allows you to really see My mercy in your life—and as you come to lean on My mercy more and more—the more I show you your wretchedness. I am pinning that soul’s pride as well. She is a wonderful instrument of sanctification for you. I couldn’t have chosen better.”
I looked at Him and said, Lord you always find this amusing don’t you?
“No, beloved, I just love to see you smile when you are pouting. On a serious note, I know the sting of criticism and accusation hurts. She continues to grow leaps and bounds in virtue. However, that is a fault of hers that I will use you to help her work on. I am working with her now to bring conviction and to show her a better way of sharing her feelings, letting go of judgments and the ways she perceives things should be, and rather covering someone’s faults in love. Charity covers a multitude of sins and you and she will both learn that. The same faults you judge someone with is many times the same faults you have.
Do you not get frustrated when things are not done in a certain way? Do you see how with your children many faults in your character that have to be corrected by Mother Clare, have shown up in them? Why? To teach you real patience and compassion as well not only with yourself, but with others.
It is so true. Here in the community one of my many weaknesses is that I tend to do things fast, which causes me to be careless and do things sloppy. I hate that— and even when I focus and try, I still end doing something amiss. It’s quite sad really.
And Mother Clare said once; Maybe this is a cross the Lord will give you to plague your whole life. Well, one of the girls on our team had the same issue. I’ve noticed some of the videos are not edited well so we have to go back and redo them. I found myself frustrated by thinking, This is how Mother Clare felt about me. I corrected her but encouraged her that I have the same struggle. And would you know it, two days later I decided to edit my own video and did a sloppy job as well. After posting it, I had re-edit it. All I could do was laugh as I saw my faults so blatantly before me even in my correction of another.
So I said to Jesus,
That is indeed true Lord, but I didn’t say a word out loud or to anyone about this offense.
“Interior Gossip is so subtle, so very common. It’s the thoughts of your heart’s judgments, criticism, and slander against someone that lie like sediments in your heart causing a root of bitterness. If you don’t catch it quickly enough, brooding begets gossip and gossip begets resentment and then a seed of bitterness lands. That is what you feel in your heart right now, that is why It’s aching.”
Jesus was right, my heart was just full of pain as I was writing.
Lord, please forgive me. I renounce gossip, brooding, bitterness, and resentment. Please, I don’t want this bitter seed or want to harbor any resentment towards this soul or anyone for that matter. Please help me. Clean my heart Lord, it’s time for the garden of my heart to be deeply tilled and pruned. I am tired of myself…and self-love.
“I am here to help, Beloved little one, and that is the process that will take place this Lent. There are so many layers in your heart that need to be purified and it’s a delicate process. Your hearts are like onions—I do one layer at a time, gently yet very intently. You are not the only one who suffers from this and that is why I have brought it up to you so firmly so it can be addressed to all my brides.
All of heaven, My beloved brides, hear every thought of your heart said or unsaid. Gossip of one’s neighbor is the most abhorrent to us. When you judge a soul, criticize, or slander them in your heart that is gossip before me and all of heaven. I am doing a deep work in all My brides because I want you to have a purified interior life. That has not been taught in My church at all.
Many smile on the surface when they get offended by words and actions of others and say, ‘It’s okay’, but murmur and grumble inside their hearts against their neighbor and many more times grow cold in charity towards them because of the offense. So you distance yourself, as the aversion for your brother or sister grows as you begin to avoid them at every turn. You have given in to demons of gossip whose only desire is to stir contention and division. Don’t do that, My beloved brides. First, be honest with your feeling with Me. When you are hurt by an offense, come to me right away in prayer, hold that thought captive as the demons jump on you with this planned the assignment. You were already having a difficult day or even sometimes a wonderful day and you receive a text, a comment is made or less than charitable action is done to you and an arrow hits you like a sword piercing your heart.
Recognizing, ‘Wait this is an assignment’. Immediately make an excuse for that soul who caused the injury. Maybe they were having a rough day and in their frustration, they said something undesirable. You see, they got jumped on and rather than catching it they lashed out, so don’t receive it. Cover them with charity and reject any attempts Satan uses to bring you down and to bring the soul down in your thoughts and in your heart.
Furthermore, do not murmur or complain about the trials that I allow. Many times, My brides, you will be trampled underfoot with words and actions from those you love. That goes especially for you, My little one. I want you to be that tiny hidden violet in my garden that is so small and hidden—so easily overlooked, dismissed, and disregarded by the eyes of men, but gives off the sweet fragrance of forgiveness every time it’s stepped on. Do not get upset when your honor is stripped, and you feel disrespected. Remember, I have made you the least of all. True humility is not offended when it is tried by a superior, a holy man, and unjust man or an inferior. True humility submits itself to every blow and chisel from the Father’s hand for pruning.”
I began burping at this point and I knew the Lord was delivering me from all of the seeds in my heart. Thank you, Lord. Wow, my heart feels so much better! Thank you for your great mercy towards me. Man I am a hot mess!
“But you’re My hot mess remember?” lovingly He smiled, “You are a great example to so many of your nothingness and My great mercy towards any soul who admits their faults, embraces their weakness, and overcomes when they fall. So dust yourself off, Beloved little one. Give this soul a big kiss and a hug for paving your way to heaven.”
I began to laugh.
“And pray for them just as they pray for you, that you both would walk hand in hand into the mission I have called you for, covering each other, making excuses for one another, and always thinking the best of their motivations. That goes not only for them but for all relationships I have entrusted to you. Go now, My Beloved brides, and allow me to purify the interior life of your heart.”
That was the end of Jesus’ message.