Hello, Brother and Sisters and Heartdwellers family,
A friend of mine decided to do a video call with two other former friends I hadn’t spoken to in a while. At first, the conversation was light-hearted. It was so good to catch up with them. But then I started to realize the comments they were making about my new way of life seemed to be filled with contempt as they said all of this with jokes and laughter. I smiled laughing at first then realized, wait I think they are making fun of me. I’m the butt of their jokes. I could feel the scorn and mockery pierce my heart as they continued to talk and make little comments here and there. When I got off the phone my heart was aching.
I was a bit shocked because I didn’t expect that and could feel a strong undercurrent of disdain they had for me and this path the Lord had called me to. I was hurting inside but decided to try to shake it off and let it go. I could feel the seed of bitterness not only fall but it was taking root. In the morning this shoot had sprung forth and I was seething with anger, resentment, and rejection. As the demons replayed all their comments in my mind over and over again, I found myself building an argument against them and defending myself in my heart with what was said, which I didn’t do on the phone. I knew my heart wasn’t right.
I had been here before—scorn and reproach by those closest to me and the pain cut so deep as I began to cry. I didn’t expect it to occur again by these four friends. I thought for sure they would at least respect what the Lord had done even if they didn’t understand it. But I was wrong.
I then got a Rhema from Padre Pio and it said, “Concerning those who slander, pray for them but never seek revenge but if necessary ask God to punish them so they may be saved.”
I thought to myself, well I don’t feel any revenge. And Papa Pio, I don’t think I have the confidence to ask the Lord that. So I asked, if it was necessary for them, for him to ask the Lord instead.
When I got into prayer I could feel the anger rising even more. And then, of course, thoughts of revenge came just as Papa Pio said it would. As I thought …I can’t believe they said this or that. Watch and see if I help them again. I’m not going to call them again, and they had better not call me for any help whatsoever. Maybe I should call them and tell them how they hurt me. I deserve an apology! Pettiness…pettiness…pettiness…how quickly my love grows cold when injured. [Sigh] Lord, help me.
Then during my Lord’s Supper, the reading brought to light who the real enemy was and also my failings in brotherly love because of the actions of others.
The first reading was from the book of Wisdom 2:12-17 and it the title “The Just Persecuted”, but I will read till verse 15
“Let us lie in wait for the righteous man,
because he is inconvenient to us and opposes our actions; he reproaches us for sins against the law,
and accuses us of sins against our training.
13 He professes to have knowledge of God,
and calls himself a child of the Lord.
14 He became to us a reproof of our thoughts;
15 the very sight of him is a burden to us,
because his manner of life is unlike that of others, and his ways are strange.
I thought, Yup, Lord, that is what happened. But then he exposed my sins on the second reading.
1 Corinthians 3:3
“For you are still fleshly. For where jealousy and strife are among you, are you not fleshly, and are walking according to man?”
When discerning this message I kept getting Jealousy so as to say that there was disorder with this message. But finally had Mother Elizabeth discerned and the Lord gave her Jealousy as well and revealed there was jealousy in my heart, hence that is why he gave me the reading…I had a disordered attitude, once again the “sin of respectability”, that I wanted to be understood, accepted, honored, and respected—and that is jealousy in the eyes of the Lord. Truly I am a hot mess. Then, to solidify all the Lord was revealing to me through this situation He played the song called, “Anger”, by Laura Hackett. I knew the Holy Spirit was going to play it because he always does when I am faced with these types of trials and I feel wronged, wanting an apology. He reminds me of what He did for me on the cross.
Anger
by Laura Hackett
Anger, you’re a bitter friend
You stabbed me in the back again
Tricking me with fantasies
Of vindication, satisfaction
Slipping on that yoke of pain
You steal from me with twisted gain
Robbing days and precious gifts
That are wrapped in earthen packages
Why do you lie in your pride?
Revenge is most sweet when it dies
Don’t let that bitter root hide
For there is life on the other side
Sleepless nights my mind replays
Waiting for apologies
I’ve been wronged, does no one see?
My soul cries out, “How can it be?”
Will it ever be okay?
I’ve lost what cannot be repaid
Forgiveness seems like just a word
You say to push the pain away
Until you see Him on that cross
Naked and bleeding and bruised
Bearing the blows for the sins
Crying, “Abba, Father, forgive them”
“Oh, I will bear those blows
Oh, punish Me for them
Oh, I will take the pain
Oh, punish Me for them”
Until you see Him on that cross
Naked and bleeding and bruised
Bearing the blows for the sins
Crying, “Abba, Father, forgive them”
Crying, “Abba, Father, forgive them”
Now, I broke down crying in repentance asking the Lord to please forgive me and forgive them. Papa God had been so present in all the songs, and he immediately began speaking.
Papa God began,
“My beloved little one, why do you despise being least of all?”
It is true Papa, it’s true, it’s so painful.
“Well, what really hurts is that pride that we are trying to get rid of”.
I saw him holding me tenderly as a loving Father with my head on his chest. He then lifted up my chin to look at his face and said, “Look at Me, Beloved one, is My love, My affection, My approval not enough?”
It is, Papa. When you hold me so tenderly and I gaze upon your face it is enough. Please help me to remember that when I am faced with scorn and contempt again. It’s so painful, Papa, please take the ache from my heart. Help me to sincerely forgive and not hold onto bitterness or resentment. Please, Lord, help me.
Papa God continued,
“My beloved child, find you’re all in Me. You are indeed being tested in patience and gentleness. This will not be the last time, as you know. I know the pain of rejection and scorn, especially coming from those closest to you, by those you love. But My son faced that brazenly from His own earthly family, from his disciples, and now many more times from His beloved bride. You are transforming more and more into him each day. Do not allow the anger to consume you. It is the devils that continue to replay wounds of your past and all that was said over and over again. To drive the arrow you were shot with deeper into your heart, to cause a poisonous wound that would fester and cause a cancer, killing all the love that has been stored up in you. You will be a well of love for so many, Beloved, more like a fountain overflowing to wash others lavishly with My love. You are my Ambassador of love and so are all My children.
“The enemy of your soul looks to quench that with various assignments and attacks to wound you in the area of love. He desires your hearts to be hardened, guarded up—walls of protection to keep everyone else out and you locked in—in a prison of unforgiveness, bitterness, and rejection. Before you know it you become just like those who hurt you—walking around full of contempt, judgment, and coldness towards those I have brought in your path to love. I never said love would be easy. Love always leads to death, true love anyway.
“My beloved Son had to take that route to bring all My beloved children into the abode of My heart. You and others will have to do the same—die for the sake of others, loving them unto death—death of self-love—death of self-seeking—death of self-appreciation—death of selfish motives so that they may know My love through you. My beloved children, those nearest to My heart and those called to imitate My Son will resemble Him most in scorn, contempt, betrayal, accusation, slander, and reproach, just as He was on earth. But you also will resemble him most in glory in Heaven. Perfected in a higher degree of holiness and sanctity. You will sit on the thrones next to Him and right next to Me, seeing Me face to face for all eternity. You will be filled with a greater measure of joy, of wholeness and union with me because you gave yourself willingly here on earth. You will have all of Me in heaven, and greater favor will be obtained for you in whatever you ask. You see, your temporal sufferings are small and won’t last long. Yet the produce, the fruit far outweighs the glory destined for you that is to be soon revealed.
“Don’t allow a bitter seed to take root in you, My beloved children, when you are wronged. Don’t allow the demons to pull you into the mire of past offenses and injurious words. Rather pray for these ones who have no idea what they are doing. Draw upon My mercy for them and find your strength in the cross where you can lift up your chalice and fill it with My Son’s blood that gushes forth from his side to wash you clean and to wash those who have hurt you clean. That is why you are least of all because I have reserved for you the greatest place one can be, at the feet of My Son’s cross. There, little ones gather to ensure not one drop of His blood is spilled that l but poured out upon souls. When I allow trials such as this it gives you an opportunity, My children, to then cry out for mercy for those who have injured you. They may not have the conviction yet or understand that they have sinned, but because of your plea, they receive mercy.
“That was the same with the Pharisees, Sadducees, Roman soldiers, scoffers, and mockers of My Son’s day. It was My littlest one of all, His Mother, who stood at the foot of His cross pleading for mercy for all those who hailed insults and despised the cross. It was by Her pleas for mercy that later many were seized with conviction and came to repentance. That is the power of My mercy and the power you have, My beloved children, when you plead for mercy on behalf of others. My Son’s blood will not be wasted. No, not one drop, for the sake of his sorrowful passion I am moved and show Mercy upon the whole world.”
That was the end of Papa God’s message.
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