Hello, Brothers and Sisters and Heartdwellers family.
The Lord is so faithful to truly humble me and cause me to die to myself. I wish I could tell you guys that I die gracefully but many times it’s me kicking and screaming inside which makes the death more painful. I had shared with you guys my excitement over how the Lord had called us to start a new ministry called Heartdwellers Gifts. You all have heard about it for a few months now as we have been fervently working on it to finally launch it this month. He also then told me to start Heartdwellers Web Profiles which would be a ministry to help poor charities, ministries, and even other Heartdwellers by creating a website for them for free. Both of these things I had received confirmation over and over from the Lord himself and then submitted to my confessor and covering to ensure I wasn’t in Self-will.
Heartdwellers Gifts had been in the making for a while and a lot of work had been put into it. We had a website we were to launch with the merchandise that was going to be given freely. We got the go-ahead to move forward then Heartdwellers Web Profiles was fairly new and I spent a whole day putting templates together and getting our write-ups for the ministry. I kept getting readings from St. Faustina about doing nothing without the permission of your confessor as I thought, well I have gone to my confessor and Father Ezekiel and they both had okayed these two projects. But, I had a check.
Every time I would share with Mother Clare she seemed a little apprehensive about Heartdwellers Web Profiles and had many changes for Heartdwellers Gifts. I have learned when she is apprehensive about something I need to wait and make sure she is fully on board even if Jesus gives me the green light before I move forward with anything. So we sat down as she shared with me her apprehensions and went to the Lord again concerning these two projects and she got a firm no. I was shocked a bit, then confused, and then realized another contradiction because earlier we had discerned, and the Lord had said yes to these things, so I was diligently trying my best to get things done. She then said to never have her discern anything when she is sick, and I chuckled a bit.
A part of me was relieved because I had been so overwhelmed with all these responsibilities and another part of me was so disappointed because so much work had gone into both. And this time I did all the right things, I got permission from my covering and confessor and now things midway had changed, and I had to be obedient to what she wanted. That day I left our meeting feeling a peace and a burden lifted, but deep down I could feel resentment festering.
The next morning was a different story. I found myself brooding over what happened as thoughts bombarded me again. Deep discouragement hit and I was tempted to give up on everything. I was fighting to carry this cross of contradiction yet again and now wondering about the “Life from Light” event. So unsure and definitely not wanting to move forward in fear a greater contradiction would come at a huge price. I was annoyed and irritated by everything that morning, I was huffing and puffing, pouting my way through prayer.
I then pulled the Rhema after receiving this message and I repented.
Bitterness, envy, pride, judgment
Retaliation, brooding, mean spirit, gossip, Denigrating slander
During the Lord’s Supper, I was sitting next to a huge tree stump, and all of a sudden it gave way and rolled down the hill. It was the icing on the cake as I almost fell, I was hit, and down for the count.
Immediately I heard Jesus say,
“Are you mad at me?”
(And I was honest.)
Yes, Lord, I am sorry. I’m struggling to let go and I’m being bombarded with thoughts of not moving forward in anything and doubting everything.
“Well it’s simply your pride, Beloved”.
“But it is, My little one.”
Lord, I have a feeling you find all of these amusing.
Smiling he said,
“No, Beloved, but you’re so cute when you’re mad.” That broke my hard face into a smile.
Jesus, it’s not funny, stop trying to make me laugh.
“Oh, but it’s so much easier to suffer when you’re smiling than when you’re mad. Well, My little one, you see how difficult obedience can be sometimes and how much your self-will reeks when you’re told to do something you don’t want to do or to stop something you want to do. So now you know how hard it is for that soul.”
Jesus got me again. As an aside, there is a soul who is under heavy demonic oppression. The Lord has revealed to me that some of the oppression is coming from disobedience. I told the soul, more than once, what the Lord wants them to do in order to see some deliverance, but they have ignored my suggestion and have not at all done what the Lord is asking of them. I was really frustrated with the soul not yielding to obedience. Now I found myself in the same predicament, resenting obedience and strongly resisting it in my heart. And now I see how difficult it is for this soul, as well, to listen.
Yes, Lord, I see, as you have humbled me again to see my true misery and my faults so blatantly. I cannot judge anyone.
“Nope you cannot, you are far worse off—if it weren’t for my grace. But I love the fact that you always submit. Although you go kicking and screaming sometimes, you submit.”
Please, Lord, forgive me for my stinky attitude. Help me to not worry about all the work I feel now has been wasted or be concerned about the fruit of any other projects you give me. It is so hard, Lord, and I fear you may do the same thing to me for the event.
“Beloved, it is My event. Allow me to do what I please, again and again. You are My little instrument, My little pencil, if you will. Please allow Me to write My story through you, whatever that may be. And please don’t get caught up in the details of things. Allow me to write the way I desire, adding punctuations and full stops where I want.”
Okay, Lord, please help me.
“Sure, My beloved, My mother is helping you beautifully. It is she who works to mold you, shape you, and refine you to become more like Me.”
I thought, Aha! so I should be mad at Mama! I said that jokingly.
Our Mother of Mercy responded,
“Oh, My beloved daughter, you’re not joking. Yes, it is I, the one behind all your toilsome affairs and labors and trials. You are being purified beautifully. I always give you a heads up, but many times you don’t catch it.”
I thought for a bit and realized she was right. Like with Mother Magdalene, she gave me the readings about being the Mother of Martyrs and how our loved ones would be taken. Then a few days ago in the Imitation of Mary book, she gave me a reading about obedience when Jesus was in the temple, and he subjected himself to his parents in obedience. Anytime I get that it’s about my spiritual parents here, Mother Clare and Father Ezekiel. There was a little check that maybe a trial would come again, and I would have to submit in obedience, but I just shrugged it off.
Aaah, I see. Okay, Mama, I am sorry.
“It’s okay, My sweet child, you are growing in grace and maturing beautifully. I know those projects meant a lot to you and you had good intentions to help those in need. But trust the Lord, He always has a different plan in mind when he asks for a sacrifice. And what he will give back to you will be more beautiful and greater than you can imagine.
“Put those things on the shelf, for now, Beloved, and be obedient to your covering and get her permission in all things. We want you here building up this ministry, Beloved, and not yours. So always yield and consent to the way she wants things done and how things are to be presented. That is very important. You are not independent of her or this community yet—until you began your own. For now, be here—help and build this up with all the love and fervency as you would the City of God Community.”
Yes. Mother, I understand now. Forgive Me.
Our Mother of Mercy continued,
“You are forgiven, Beloved. You are teaching your flock the beautiful grace of obedience. My beloved children, everything hinges on obedience. The more obedient you are to God and to those he has put in charge over you the greater the Lord can use you. You see, we look for vessels who are empty of themselves. Empty of self-will, their attachments, preferences in the way they want to do things, and willing to die completely to self, to be given things to do not of their will, and to let go of anything that is their will. That is a soul that is easily pliable, moldable, and bendable to be used by God however he sees fit.
“We want to use you to be a wonderful example to all of a sacrifice. Your whole life will be a sacrifice, constant giving, and constant taking away, all for the glory of God. As your Mother, I have been given charge over each of you and I know what is best. I know what tests would be perfect for you to get you to the expected end, being transformed into My Son. With each, ‘Yes’, you grow leaps and bounds in virtue. With each ‘Yes’, you die a little more to yourself and become more united with your Savior because you simply want what he wants not what you think is best or what you would prefer. You look just like your Beloved Savior saying, ‘Nevertheless, not my will be done, but Your will be done.’ And the Father takes great delight in that.
“My beloved little ones, when you are entrusted to a spiritual shepherd like this little one and you are willing to lay down your self-will to do all that is asked of you, or willing to stop the work you have been doing and go in a different direction when the Lord moves her to, it is very pleasing to the Lord. She too is learning these lessons for no servant is greater than its master. When you are obedient you then mirror the virtue of the angels who only live to act on the Father’s command. They do absolutely nothing without his consent. We are forming you, My beloved children, to be like the angels, walking among men in full obedience to those over you and to the demands of the Lord. Obedience is not meant to be harsh, but something to be faithfully surrendered to. Not seeing your spiritual shepherd as a Meer man but God working through them to direct you. Be faithful, be obedient and be submissive with great love to the will of God.”
That was the end of Our Mother Of Mercy’s message.