Hello, Brothers and Sisters and Heartdwellers family.
After being able to be with Magdalene for her last few moments of life, I was walking out of the hospital and there were several 5’s I saw together on different vehicles. When the Lord gives me those, He is telling me, abundant grace is coming for a trial that He is going to permit. I held my breath for a bit thinking, Oh Lord I’m not sure if I can take much more, but [I] submitted to it. He has been really encouraging me to move forward with all the projects he has given me to do—which have been exciting—putting it all together—however for two days straight I kept getting Rhemas about not fearing and to be careful about counterfeit discernment that would cause me to fear and not do the Lord’s will. I was a bit confused because I wasn’t feeling that way at all, or so I thought.
Then this particular morning I got the Rhema, “Fear is a Liar cast fear into the fire.” I kept thinking, Lord what is it? It actually started to make me feel insecure rather than encouraging me. Then the next Rhema said, “Come let us reason together tell me of your joys and sorrows.” So I came before Jesus a bit confused and just poured out my heart to him.
Good morning Lord,
You said to come so that we could reason together. The songs you played over me were so comforting and reassuring of your love and of your presence in the midst of this storm.
For the last couple of days, you have given me readings on not fearing—and then I saw several 5’s foretelling me of another fiery trial [that] I am perceiving that is coming. Then you gave me a Rhema warning me about counterfeits that cause fear and can detour my destiny for years. Lord, all of that makes me so insecure. I am confused because I didn’t have a looming fear about anything until you started bringing it up.
So I sat for a few seconds and thought, whom am I kidding? He is the Lord, he knows everything. So I came to terms with how I was really feeling.
Okay, Lord, I do have fears of the upcoming event being a failure because you allow so many contradictions and I am trying my hardest to detach from the results. I have fears still about Derrick. It seems we have been doing well, but you know his heart and I am bracing myself for the worst in almost everything—because everything so far has been continuous contradictions.
And I am feeling insecure again about the words you give me. I didn’t think Magdalene was going to go. As you had mentioned in the previous message they wanted to kill some of us in the community, but you wouldn’t allow it—but it happened. I also wonder if the flock is losing confidence in what you tell me, Lord, because the opposite seems to happen.
So I guess I do have fears and sorrows and these things are on my heart, Lord. Please build my confidence back up in You. I want to surrender all without losing my confidence in you or my faith. And I have been concerned about my discernment because the past two times I got discernment outside of myself they got the complete opposite, which makes me wonder if my discernment is off. Lord, it seems everything is a battle of confusion, and I am trying my best to find my footing and move forward despite these doubts, fears, and insecurities. So there, I have born my soul a bit Lord. What do You have to say? What is on Your heart Jesus?
“My beloved, thank you for coming and letting us reason together. I know this cross is not easy to carry but I am with you, and I am for you. I am purifying you in the most beautiful and accelerated way. Although you do not understand it now, you will later— and thank Me for it. There is nothing to fear when you have been obedient to My known will, with all that I have asked you to do and all that you have received personally from your covering to do.
“So let’s take each item step by step. With the event and the projects, you have received confirmation from Me, and your covering, to move forward.”
Yes, I did Lord.
As an aside, I am excited to share with you guys, the first Heartdwellers’ event coming up which you all can attend. I will be doing a video this week about it.
“So do not fear and move forward. Leave the details and results to Me but no more fear. The counterfeits are indeed voices and memories from your past reminding you of disappointments and failures. And there is still a bit of fear of men on your part—afraid to be humiliated, and so forth. Leave it all in My hands, what I choose to do with you, this event, and your projects. You are, but My little instruments fulfilling My wishes and I use you how I see fit, okay, My little one? There is nothing to fear on your part as you continue to submit all things to your covering. Whatever the outcome may be, you will be safe.
“Now concerning Derrick, there are a few battles ahead, but you both have made great strides.”
And just an update, family, for those who have been praying— breakthrough came! The Lord gave a word after the young man, Joey, came to stay with us, that last year was the year of the prodigals returning home. Joey was first and Derrick would soon follow. I tucked that away in my heart coming towards the end of the year. I hadn’t heard from him at all. So I found myself brooding and wondering, Lord what about your promise? feeling disappointed again that it’s a new year and nothing happened last year with him. Or so I thought—until I finally heard from him and found out he went to a prayer conference for a week in Nigeria and he told me that on December 24th the Lord spoke to him and his words brought tears to his eyes and now he wants to serve the Lord with his life! So thank you guys so much for your prayers! I was blown away that the Lord had fulfilled his promise—although he is not interested in being with me or the City of God mission—yet. Because deep down I thought the promise consisted of him returning to me and Jesus chided me and said, “The prodigal son returns Home to
Me, not to you”. All I could do was laugh thinking. Touché, Lord, touché. I have been so happy for Jesus and for Derrick that He has found God again and [is] pursuing him with his whole heart and we have been communicating more frequently. But I wasn’t sure if that was what the Lord wanted. So that was a fear too. So I asked Jesus.
Lord, I am not sure if you want me to talk with him or not.
“Continue to build on your friendship, Beloved, and turn all things to Me, conversations to Me and allow Me to do the rest but detach for now your emotions and your heart until I give his heart to you and your heart to him. Let me be in the center and the focus point for both of your affections. There are still many things I have to work out in his life and heart for now. As you keep your heart and gaze on Me all will work out just as I promised. Do not fear or believe any lies you receive that says contrary; I know, I know…“
Yes Lord, but there is always contradictions.
“Yes beloved, but not on this promise. It will be fulfilled, trust Me, and keep your heart and eyes on Me.”
“Concerning your discernment, there is always growth in grace there, Beloved. Continue to submit your discernment to your confessor and let her always be your final opinion before you move forward. I use your confessor in the most discreet and sometimes evasive ways. You should know and trust her suggestions and leadings.”
And as an aside, the Lord is so right, every suggestion my confessor has given me, even when she is not giving me council has always been a directive from the Lord and she is always right. So I have come to have much confidence when she tells me something or even suggests something that is contrary to what I think or what the Lord is telling me to listen to her suggestion and do it. However, I was struggling now with going to confession because she was really sick, and I felt my constant submission of things that needed to be discerned were a burden to her as she encouraged me that I was mature enough to fly independently in discernment and even go to someone else. However, the Lord is the one who always tells me to submit everything to her and not to make any decision without her go-ahead. So I was insecure about that wondering if the Lord would entrust me to another confessor.
So I asked Jesus about that and He responded;
“No beloved she is to be your confessor and spiritual director always. Give her grace, Beloved, she was sick and not feeling well. Be sensitive to the times you seek her attention and audience with her. She is not far removed from the enemy’s tactics. She carries so much, Beloved, so much. And with her age, accumulated with the pain she carries in her body, you must discern the right time in which to speak with her and don’t get impatient or compulsive about it. Know that I am with you. I lead and guide you and if I make her not available that is for you to grow in more patience, understanding, and compassion of others and their time. I want you to stop, share these things with her and hide nothing back. It displeases Me very much when you do that. Pray for her daily not only as your Spiritual Mother but as your confessor, so that I will continue to give her light. She too gains much from your time of confession.”
When the Lord said these words it filled me with peace and much pity for my attitude and how I had been thinking only of myself and I did share these thoughts with my confessor and Jesus was right. She was very sick at the time and so tired when I had come to her and when she said these things. I needed to be more mindful of when I met with her and really give her grace.
Oh Lord, I pray please help me to be a helping hand to her in all things and not a burden.
“Sure, Beloved, there will be many more opportunities where you will be able to hold her arms when she gets weary and be a leg of support she can rely on. Continue to pray for her always.
“The last thing is, do not be concerned with your flock, in all my breakings with you, and fiery trials I allow you to go through. I am instructing them, teaching them, and using you as a point to do it. They will have to endure through the same trials of many contradictions, and many let downs in what looks like disappointments or Me not being faithful. But, because that you have endured, you have persevered, you have come to understand My love and My ways, they will be able to do the same.
“You are living in trivial times and My spirit is not moving like that of the days of old. I am doing a new thing that will even confound My faithful servants. For My ways are indeed much higher and My wisdom greater than the folly of man. I am looking for souls who will be My will on earth as you have prayed and to do that I must use you as I please without seeking your opinion or you even having an understanding of what I am doing.
“Many fall away from My service because they are not willing to get to that degree of surrender, but in it lies the greater of My glory and great deep intimacy. So I am using you to show that. Just be faithful, trust me unconditionally and come, speak to Me about everything, and I will always bring you peace and guide you—teaching you My ways that others may benefit. I love you, My Little One, so deeply and dearly. You truly are My little torch burning brightly in My heart, dancing among the flames of My love as your life rises before me as a sweet fragrance and sacrifice. You are my little flower on earth,
A Lilly of suffering
A rose of brotherly love
A violet of sacrifice
That is who you are.”
That was the end of Jesus’ message.
He has been the most amazing friend through this process of pain, confusion, and mourning. He has helped me work out through all of my issues. Truly guys you can go to Jesus about everything He’s truly closer than a brother. Please don’t let shame, guilt, or fear stop you. He longs to bring you peace and a word of encouragement if you would only have faith and come listen to his heart for you and find clarity and peace in your storms. I love you, Jesus.
God bless you, family, until the next message.