Persistency In Adversity
Hello From Jesus with Love family! I’m Aza. I’d like to share my testimony of who I am and how I came to the Lord and end up here, with you guys! I’m a typical Caribbean girl that loves to learn about the Lord, pursue his will, and grow close to Jesus in prayer. But in the beginning, it wasn’t all sunshine. Even now I have my slip-ups.
Let’s just say, as a little girl, I grew up in a Catholic church. At a very young age, I was introduced to the Bible, Jesus, the eucharist, and all the different things you would know about Catholics. I even attended CCD, a little Catholic school, to further my knowledge of Jesus and even the Blessed Mother and Saints. If I can be honest, there were times when I lost my faith in how things were done in church because of what I used to listen to on YouTube. FYI [for your information], be careful what you listen to.
Anyway, over time I used to go online and to know more about the Lord. I’d see people talk about vision and dream, warning videos of Jesus’ second coming, and the do’s and don’ts of Christianity—till it led me down to become a bit religious. A religious spirit. I’d even try to do what they do and warn people. Little did I know it’s Love that leads men to repentance not beating them with the truth or even half-truths.
About church, there came a time when they would have us—my peers and I—to become confirmed so that we’d be able to take the body and blood of Jesus Christ. I felt that after that time I received dreams and visions. LOL, not too much now. But when they happened, I would see visions wide awake, have spiritual dreams, and hear the voice of Jesus. However, it has been over seven years since I received an awake vision but it’s ok, it’s o-kay. There was a moment when I laid down in my bed, that the electricity cut off in the middle of the night. In the stillness of the night, in my mind, I said “Jesus”. Then I heard a voice ask me “What can I do for you?” When I said “current”, something really cool happened. The thing is, I didn’t even say the full would current, which is what we say here where I live, I only said the “c” and after that, it miraculously went back on at that very moment. At that moment I knew that it was Jesus and that he cared about me on that sweaty night. He is amazing y’all, He really is.
Furthermore, on my journey down the road of getting close to the lord, I got in a sticky situation. Because of the bad company at school, profane language was suddenly rubbed on me like putting on a dirty sock. I spoke dirty and it wasn’t till later that I finally got out of saying those ugly things. And to speak of even a stickier situation, well, in my curious age of wanting to know, I stumbled across a dangerous addiction of pornography. It led to masturbation which was also a dangerous slippery slope. I’m no saint; you are seeing the raw view of my life struggles and I hope, as I share these personal matters, that you’ll know that Jesus really does save. This addiction went on for a very long time, ever wanting, never satisfying. But the desire slowly but surely went away. The power of God, I believe, made this possible. In His mercy, grace was given to destroy the demons that accompany that type of lifestyle so that I can be free. And from that time of departing, I can say that I haven’t gone back. But I give God all the glory for what is impossible to man, is possible for God. Be willing to give up and he will add the difference! By the way, that doesn’t stop the demons from planting dirty thoughts into your mind, so you have to keep fighting.
Sometime later, after searching and searching for more about Jesus on YouTube, I saw a video that was quite fascinating to me. It was on Jesus’ messages to Mother Clare, but it wasn’t directly from Mother Clare; rather it was a branched-off ministry (Love Letters from Jesus). It was a beautiful message that made me see a different side of Jesus that I hadn’t seen before. At that time, I saw an intimate friend, in the here and now—not just in heaven. Very loving and understanding, He was to Mother Clare. That newfound revelation sparked an interest in me to hear more of the pure and true words of Jesus. Eventually, Mother Clare’s original channel I came across, finally! Her messages from our Lord opened my eyes to the heart of the matter with Jesus, intimacy. A friendly, human, and God with immense Power and glory but with a tender love that none can really fathom. It’s like peanut butter and jelly. To very different flavors, yet it goes perfectly together. The peanut butter is the God part and the jelly the Human part. I hope I’m not getting you hungry. Sorry. I found a new addiction—the Jesus addiction. Because couldn’t get enough of Him. I was just about on point with every message put out, day by day.
Some years after hearing His words, there were times I could feel that He was speaking directly to me through Mother Clare. Times when, He would speak right into my situation, either its encouragement, instruction, or admonishment. That’s when I knew that it was getting real and He’s calling us to be holy like him—to be separate from the world and the ways of the world. I was going to a University after school, but I heard Him through Mother for me not to go. So I obeyed and haven’t looked back since. That would have dragged me further into the ways of how the world works. Thank you, Jesus. Not only that, but if I was a bit shallow in my walk He was going to point it out. But I’ve come to realize that a good Father or leader would point out our fault to correct us so that we would know better. He corrects us because He loves us and because He knows all. It very well maybe something that would save us in the future. Getting instruction from Mother Clare on shuffling a playlist to hear the voice of God really helped me.
After some time of absorbing His holy words through the Still Small Voice channel, I began to journal because at that point she wanted us to begin to hear the Lord for ourselves. It took me some time to warm up to knowing that He speaks in the silence of our hearts. Through perseverance, I was able to communicate with the Lord, in hearing His words to me, and finally, our relationship grew. Not to say there weren’t any ups and downs. Like any relationship, it will entail a certain struggle, but the thing is, we have to fight through it. Speaking of struggles, some time ago, depression and anxiety had a grip on me and my mental health. Most of the time my depression would come from wanting a certain thing that I didn’t have or my depravity of prayer time with the Lord. There was a time when I wasn’t faithful to be there for Him. I would have that rush, rush feeling to get things done. Little did I know my tank was getting emptier by the minute. No prayer time and studying His word was given for him but I would rather go and do a silly project than to pray first. I know I am terrible. I had to learn the hard way not to do that to Him. When your tank is empty you are dried up and your fruit will be dried up too. John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” I’d do my daily task, but I would feel so down inside. And on top of that my anxiety would kick in and I would feel an overwhelming feeling of the Lord being displeased with me. When I get a corrective Rhema I would feel so downtrodden by the message that I would want to give up. It was bad, guys. It got so bad that I would have suicidal thoughts, thinking I wasn’t good enough, and what I do, didn’t match up to His standards. I had terrible thoughts of turning away but despite it all, I persevered in the Lord.