Hello, Brothers and Sisters and Heartdwellers family. May we be given light from heaven to take authority over what oppresses us and stay nailed to our crosses for the sake of souls.
This past week Mother Clare called me to the mountain. I was sucker-punched by a series of different trials and fell so many times. Although I mentioned to you guys I laughed when our trip to Ghana was delayed, the Lord allowed many trials this week which brought my true heart attitude to the surface. I was dealing with different souls who were struggling, and I found myself getting angry, impatient, and irritated with them. On top of that, I continued to get “Laziness” every day pertaining to my relationship with Jesus and loving him. I got to the point where I became so resentful when he gave me that because I felt I was trying my best in the midst of a lack of feeling. But the truth is I could feel my heart grow cold, I didn’t want to try anymore. And even worship couldn’t lift me up as the devils would taunt me…” You have been here before, you have believed, you have praised and worshiped to keep your faith and you were disappointed”. “There is no point of praising the Lord or believing or hoping in anything, you will always be let down”. “Nothing has changed, what’s the point?” These are thoughts that would race through my mind in worship. Songs that would pull me out of a pit a year ago, were now just flat for me. Everything was flat.
I would try to get Rhemas, and nothing was resonating with me. Even if it was about His love I could feel nothing.
When I finally got home last night to the Taos house I pulled a Rhema card that said, “What you’re dealing with is a Jezebel spirit…use my authority and don’t be afraid!” I was in shock as I began to try to discern if this spirit was operating through some of the souls I was having difficulty with, but nothing was confirmed as I began to wonder where this Jezebel spirit was coming from.
I thought okay maybe I just need to remove myself from everything and have a night of solitude with Him. So I did last night, just to have it feel like a brass wall. I mean nothing was penetrating, absolutely nothing. I was confused, disoriented, and full of anxiety. I knew this was an attack of some sort—or, a trial the Lord was allowing, but it felt so dark. I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t sleep, barely, the whole night. I then decided to get more Rhemas. In one the Lord gave me “Humility”. He mentioned how he allowed a fall when we judge others, and which causes a stronghold of bitterness in us. I realized I was full of bitterness. And another card said, “Contrition. It hit me how much I hurt the Lord with willful sin., he sighs with deep words and prays for me (I am sorry Jesus).” And that was the card. In my pride I thought, what did I do this time? My heart was so hardened, guys. I tried feeling sorry, I tried crying. My eyes would tear up for a moment, then nothing. The third Rhema said, “Like the moonlight on a dark path so will I be for you, leading the way” I thought please Lord, bring breakthrough in sight.
Then this morning I woke up feeling—nothing. With no sleep and no peace, I tried to press in, but I felt like journaling instead. I had nothing left.
This is a two-part message one is my journal entry being gut-honest with the Lord and the second half is when the Lord began to speak an hour or so later. When I discerned this message I kept getting “Laziness” and Honesty”. I was thinking maybe it wasn’t from the Lord and didn’t intend on sharing my journal entry with you because I thought it was a little too transparent. I see now that He wanted me to be very honest with you guys, again, about how I was feeling, in hopes it may encourage someone who is feeling the same way—sad to say it—but, angry with the Lord.
So here are my honest feelings.
Lord, I come before you are asking the grace of contrition. I have been so self-righteous, so demanding of you for so long. I feel my heart has grown cold, has grown lax in desire for holiness and I am finding everything rather irritating, with discontent. I have made light of my sin for a while now and have loved my bed of self-pity, looking for someone to understand me, someone to empathize with my suffering. I have compared myself which has caused bitterness and with the recent trials, you have allowed I could feel this bitterness so keenly.
Lord, I want to say, I am struggling to trust you, but I feel like there is not a wall between us but, a mountain that I myself built. An altar of rocks for every disappointment, with every trial, with every contradiction, I would get frustrated, cry a little, wipe my tears, and think, I’ve moved on. But this pile began to get larger and larger.
I have built this case against you by adding a rock to the ever-growing pile of my so-called disappoints, which has built this resentment in my heart, this stronghold of bitterness.
Please forgive me. In my heart, I’ve been like the Pharisees, wanting to throw stones. Not at the harlot, but I realize now, Lord—at you. And I have collected this pile of my self-righteous agreements and lies that scream that you are not faithful or trustworthy which have caused fear of moving forward in anything because you will allow another contradiction which faithfully seems to happen. Lord, I have not suffered well for a long time, and I am so tired, so weary and tired of myself. Please give me contrition, break my heart. I ask for true repentance and remove this stronghold and obliterate this mountain that I have created that has dimmed my light and made me hardened and made me forget that on the other side of this pile of rocks, I was the harlot that you forgave. I was the one you showed great grace and mercy to when I deserved death and condemnation. You stopped the demons and others from stoning me. But look how I unjustly return the favor and I am your bride. Forgive me, Lord.
I ask you in your great mercy please don’t resist me any longer. Come to my aid, hear my cry for help not just to deliver me, change me, Lord. Please heal my heart. Lord please, I no longer want to find joy, hope, excitement in future things. Help me to see the gifts around me every day. Deliver me from a restless heart of discontentment and bitterness. Lord, please restore to me the joy of my salvation. My joy is you, Lord, not what I do, what I accomplish, what happens or doesn’t happen or, even how I feel. Please, Jesus, help me.
After that, I waited on the Lord in hopes I would hear something—but I felt nothing, so indifferent, so cold. And I pondered as I sighed thinking, this has to be a suffering. I saw several 5’s yesterday. Maybe the light of grace has not come—I have to patiently wait for it—I hear nothing.
So, I decided to get some readings and from St. Faustina and the Lord told her to seek light and strength in his passion alone. I knew that was for me. Then from the Padre Pio Devotion, the Rhema said, “Jesus alone can understand what I suffer when the painful scene of calvary is enacted before my eyes. It is equally incompressible how Jesus can be consoled when He finds a soul, who for love of him, asks no consolation and only wants to be allowed to share in his suffering.” The last Rhema was from Mother Angelica devotional it said, “overcoming your faults”. It talked about Battling Jealousy, and Anger. On Anger it said, “when you are angry love is leaving you. Anger, impatience, and criticism. These are the effects of draining of love.” Yup, that is exactly how I was feeling.
We had food ministry this morning, so I was going to go right into the Lord’s Supper but felt led to at least play one song and the title of the song was “Speak Oh Lord.” So, I felt the Lord wanted to speak although there was still that overwhelming sense of fear, insecurity, and lack of motivation to even try. It was consuming me, but I persevered and began writing.
Good morning, Jesus. I have been a mushball of confusion, disorientation, frustration, and nothingness. Please help me, Lord. Please forgive me of my sins, cleanse me and create a new heart within me.
Jesus, what’s on your heart?
“I am here, Beloved, right here. Don’t you see?”
I then saw Jesus lifted very high. I realized I was on Calvary looking at the back of Jesus. He was on the cross. It was a foggy night, eerie…and I realized I was right beside him on the cross. I was the thief on the right side of Jesus, crucified with him. And He continued to speak to me this whole message while on the cross.
I looked down and we were so high up. I said, Lord, I am so sorry for all my sins—all the rebellious thoughts and attitudes in my heart—please forgive me, Lord. If I had tears I would give them to you, but even that, Lord, I don’t have today.
“That doesn’t make your contrition less effective, My beloved dove. Tears are a gift from Me. When they come they are truly a healing balm to your soul. And when you have no tears left unite yourself with Me as I was in Gethsemane. I too had such anguish in My soul and availed no tears but sweat as drops of blood. You and all My brides are suffering right now for the salvation of souls and for the state of mankind. Please no longer squirm to get off this cross. I am right next to you suffering with you, suffering for you, and suffering for the salvation of so many who are dear to Me. Nothing is wasted my beloved little one, nothing.
“I know there has been much confusion and I brought that Rhema before you so that you may know how to pray. This Jezebel spirit has not attached itself to a soul, but it is looming, hovering over you all and causing much oppression.”
Lord, forgive me, but I thought this spirit can only be effective through a person. So, I began to get worried and concerned with everyone in the group.
Jesus, knowing my thoughts, said,
“Yes, it enters when there is an open door and open door of sin.”
Well, even I have fallen short, Lord.
“You all have fallen short. The fingerprints of a Jezebel spirit seek to take control and silence the voices of My servants. It causes such oppression of darkness, depression, discouragement, and intimidation that you don’t want to move forward.”
Wow, Lord, that is what it feels like for me right now. This has happened before earlier a few years ago when you called me to come here, and you revealed to me the oppression I was under.
As an aside, guys, I was having demons come and harass me in the form of animals at night in my room by making noises when I began to hear from the Lord. I would journal at night and the terror was so intense that I was so scared to write or pray at night although the Lord warned me ahead of time this attack would happen it was terrifying. Then he played a song of deliverance over me about the spirit of Jezebel, and it was a powerful deliverance prayer and realized wait a minute I was being attacked by that spirit. I was confused because no one was around me, but I could feel the desire to give up, to no longer write or get messages from the Lord because of these attacks and wondering how this spirit could oppress me without using a person to do it.
So, you see guys I thought it was someone in the group who had a Jezebel spirit who was being used to oppress us and I went through discerning the souls I was struggling with this week, but Jesus was not confirming that, and I was confused how this spirit then is able to oppress me and everyone else because I thought a Jezebel spirit can only be used through a person.
Jesus answered me,
“A spirit can oppress, possess, or accompany a soul which you call attached. When a spirit oppresses a soul it seeks to hover around waiting to eventually attach itself to the soul. When under oppression, it influences a soul’s thinking their attitude, and direction by leading them off course or paralyzing them from moving forward. The demons want to derail your destines with the ultimate goal of leading you into eternal separation from Me.
“When a spirit accompanies a soul, a stronghold has been formed.”
As an aside he means when a spirit attaches itself to a soul.
“They now have residence and a stronger influence over a soul’s actions because they have been given legal access in this stronghold that the soul has permitted and most of the time by an injury done to them by others or past pain and trauma. Until that is healed, and the soul renounces the bitterness from that situation the stronghold cannot be taken down. Hence they accompany the soul everywhere. Lying dormant until their stronghold is under attack, meaning until that sore spot is pushed or provoked and the demons have their way over that soul affecting their response and reaction causing harm to others.
“Then there is possession, which is the greatest influence a spirit can have over a soul. Just as one can be possessed by My Spirit, so can one be taken over by an evil spirit.”
Lord, can a Christian be possessed?
“Yes, beloved there are many reasons I allow this. One of the main reasons is to make reparation for their sins and for the sins of others. Which some parts of My Church do not understand. When a soul gives Me their free-will consent they’re is mine to do as I please and to work out their salvation as I please.”
As an aside you can look up the lives of saints like Blessed Maria Bolognese who died in 1980 and the Lord permitted her to be demonically possessed for a period. There are many like her the Lord used to carry such crosses.
[Jesus] “But back to the subject at hand, I am now talking of a soul whom I have not permitted to carry this cross but one who has given Satan authority over their soul. Not only does the demon accompany them, but the demon inhabits part of their soul or has been given full residence within the soul by willful sin and willful consent. Only until the soul renounces Satan, their sin, and puts their faith in Me can they be delivered in My timing. I wanted you to be knowledgeable and aware of these things, My beloved one.
“As you and the group are praying more insight on spiritual warfare will be given to equip you for your mission ahead. Continue to trust in my merciful love for you that I will subdue all your enemies. The weapons will form, but not prosper.
“Well now you know, and I want you to deal with it. Take authority over this spirit that wants to damper your group especially the prayer group and My brides. This is an assignment not just on you, but on all Heartdwellers. Jezebel fought to take Elijah’s fire, strip him of his confidence in Me, exhaust him to overwhelming fear and intimidation that he called upon me to take his life.”
And here is 1 Kings 19:1-4
Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow.” Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there.
But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”
“That is how evil and wicked this spirit is and with what heaviness it oppresses. This is one of the many weapons that I warned you were forming against you and this group. But I have come to restore your courage, to restore your hope, and to restore your fire. You see, this spirit works with a cluster of other spirits—first gossip and judgment, to cause criticism, then division. And Jezebel enters to draw from all of that sin and disorder, desiring to choke the life force, which is My anointing and My inspiration, given to My beloved brides, to cause them to turn, run away and give up.
“Do not allow it, My beloved little ones. This is a heavy cross I have permitted, and now I am calling you to rise up and take authority over it. Send this Jezebel spirit running right into the abyss where it belongs. Call forth My fire of love to extinguish the fiery darts of the enemy and thoughts against your neighbor. Call upon Me to ignite your heart yet again with My love, with My faith, and with My trust. You all will need great courage for the days ahead for as I have called you to move forward in many things, great will be the opposition and persecution. But find your strength, not at the foot of My cross, but right beside Me, crucified with Me, remembering all that you endure is for the salvation of souls. This is the closest you can be untied to Me. My bride, no longer a thief, but a soul with Me in the paradise of My suffering. Persevering with Me, enduring with Me, giving herself completely. Dying that she may share in my resurrection power for every drop of this white martyrdom, for the salvation of souls. My beloved ones, you have never looked so beautiful. Stay here with Me, find your strength in this alone.”
That was the end of Jesus’ message.
After receiving this message, I did the Lord’s Supper, and these readings were all about His joy. This first reading touched my heart.
Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel!
Rejoice and exult with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem!
The Lord has removed judgments against you;
he has turned away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst;
you shall never again fear evil.
On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak.
The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.
Pray, bind this spirit of Jezebel, and take authority.