Hello, brothers and sisters and Heartdwellers family.
This morning I got The Passion reading again in my Lord’s Supper this is the second time I’ve gotten it two days in a row. The first reading stuck out to me,
Isaiah 50: 4-7,
“The Lord God has given me a well-trained tongue, that I might know how to speak to the weary a word that will rouse them. Morning after morning he opens my ear that I may hear; and I have not rebelled and have not turned back. I gave my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who plucked my beard, My face I did not shield from buffets and spitting. The Lord God is my help; therefore, I am not disgraced; I have set my face like flint, knowing that I shall not be put to shame.”
The Lord is really suffering tremendously right now. Although this is a season of Advent in preparation for Christmas, I don’t know about you guys, but it really feels like a time of Lent—of deep purifying, crushing, and much suffering. I have been counseling a couple of souls and began to see a running theme that all of them are being tested in their faith and being broken in discernment. One soul felt strongly that the Lord called him to missions in his home country. He sold everything. He left his job and, with his wife, headed to this mission and got into a really bad car accident where they claimed it was his fault and he lost everything. They were even homeless for a while but are now able to get another RV. I then discerned that it was never the Lord’s will for him to go on this mission. He was crushed, realizing that his motives were impure and that the idea of a mission seemed like a big thing to do for God. Now, the Lord has made it clear he wants him to start a ministry right where he is. But he, too, is struggling to reconnect with the Lord—to hope and believe again.
The second soul has been holding on to a promise of a young man who she felt the Lord was calling to be her husband. She reached out to me months ago and I discerned that it was the Lord’s will. However, nothing is going forwards as planned. As she sent me something recently to discern, it was clear that it wasn’t from the Lord. This has thrown her into confusion, frustration, and resentment as we both are trying to see where we went wrong and if, in fact, this is the Lord’s will. She has since relinquished this to the Lord and wants to put Jesus back on the throne of her heart but finds it hard to trust him again—trust the process of hearing his voice and combating the feelings of loneliness to really connect with the Lord.
Another young lady reached out to me with the same situation of a young man whom the Lord confirmed was her husband. However, he recently broke up with her and she has been distraught as she is now met with contradictions concerning the Lord’s promise. As I have tried to encourage her to hold on and hope despite what it may look like now.
After counseling these souls, I realized, Lord what is going on here? as I sensed a fall was coming for me too because when one suffers we all suffer and if there is an assignment on one of us it usually hits all of us—and it did.
I failed in discernment concerning details about Derrick again as this time I thought to really make an effort to get discernment outside of myself and all the Rhemas and confirmations lined up and others confirmed what I had received. But the Lord allowed a fall. I, too, these past few days have been hurt, resentful, angry, and so disappointed—not sure how to move forward, to trust again—and having no confidence in hearing from the Lord or discerning anything. As I shared this with our little Heartdwellers Ghana Family I realized we are all going through it, as one soul had a really difficult interior struggle the other day and was in tears.
We all are suffering tremendously in various ways. Father Ezekiel has been on the cross these past few days going through the Passion because Jesus is on the cross for the children, for the refugees at the border, and the children locked in cargo [ships] being transported to different countries. Jesus is on the cross for the witchcraft taking place in different parts of the world and the murder of the innocent in the human sacrifice rituals. Jesus is suffering tremendously on the cross. I am sharing because I can’t imagine that it’s just us, but maybe many of you are going through a fiery trial right now, and I just wanted to encourage you—that you are not alone. We are all in this together for when one suffers we all suffer. As I have mentioned to you all before we have a motto now that some of the ladies and I have written on both of our forearms for remembrance. On arm says, “I say yes” and the other arm says, “All for souls.” Right now, you are suffering “All for souls”. You have given your life as a sacrifice laid down to advance God’s kingdom and to convert many souls to Jesus. And all that you’re going through is backing up the conversion of so many souls in this hour to come to know Christ. Give the Lord whatever sacrifice he is asking of you. It may be a promise, the desire of your heart, a dream, your health, your will, your love, your children, simply your life. Stay encouraged, don’t give up, don’t quit, and don’t turn away from Jesus or his service because He is the only one who can restore us, heal us, deliver us, and carry us through the storm we are all going through—to renew us, revive us, and using all of this to draw us closer to Him and restore our faith and trust in him.
I kept hearing, “the Lord is stretching your faith,” and I couldn’t see that. I asked Father Ezekiel—when these trials come, how does it stretch our faith? If I can be honest I feel more insecure, uncertain, hopeless after every breaking, especially in discernment. It makes me question everything. And if I am to leave soon on my own in this new mission I need to know that I can trust the Lord. But I feel so insecure, and my faith hasn’t grown as it’s supposed to, because I have been waiting for so long for something to happen (or as everyone says after these trials).
I love the depiction he gave me, as he said, in physical therapy when a muscle is really tight or seized up it’s so painful. But the only way you can relax that muscle is [by] adding extreme and intense pressure to it. You have to pinch the muscle very hard, firmly, with much pressure and the shock of that type of pressure to the muscle releases it so it can relax. That is the same with us as souls. When there is an area in our character, in our hearts, in our motives, in our wills that is seized up, tight with resistance, pride, attachments, self-love. You know it’s not at all yielding to the will of God as He would like it, He has to add intense pressure and force to that area. For you, it can be your marriage, your relationships, your children, your comfortabilities, your ministry, your finances—whatever it is He has to add pressure to that area, to shock it, shake it up, break it so that it is yet again pliable, yielded, and relaxed for him to do what he wants and for the Holy Spirit to flow freely according to His will for us and for God’s purpose. And although it’s painful, when the muscle is relaxed it is stretched. So, it’s the same when we go through these trails. Once we overcome the shock and pain of the trial, and the Lord carries us through the storm, our faith is actually stretched. The outcome may not look like what we wanted but our faith in God is stretched because we look back and see wow, it seemed so bad Lord, but you brought me through. You are faithful to help me, you are faithful to deliver me, you will help me when this happens again, and I am not alone
So, stay encouraged my fellow suffering brides, and enjoy this next video a message and music compilation of encouragement!