Dear Heart dwellers family, greetings to you all.
I am a Heartdwellers Ghana priest, and I come before you to share my testimony of the Lord’s great mercy in my life. I was supposed to give my testimony a long back but kept on delaying it, and Lord again convicted me of laziness. Not only that, he kept sending me songs of testimony on worship playlists…I think that was very cute of Jesus.
If I describe myself, there is no single good thing to tell you. It is the goodness of the Lord, that today I am delivered from condemnation, lies, and delusion.
I live in a country where culture, marriage, and living to the expectations of society are more valued and those who follow Christ are persecuted. I come from a decent family. Both of my parents worked, and we lived a very simple life. We used to go to church, listen to the sermons and come back home and lead our lives in the world. Dad was always working, and mom used to take care of us.
Everything was fine until it was in kindergarten, I saw two girls in an immoral act, and this led me to shape my thinking and behaviour. Many such incidents followed that eventually roused in me unchecked passions and lusts. My mother sensed that in me and did try to discipline me. But I was already a slave to these desires, and out of fear from my parents, I began to hide from everyone. I appeared to act outwardly but inside these temptations grew with my growing age. Even though there was no
involvement until a certain age, but I had no stopover these lustful thoughts.
Many tried to take advantage of me, neighbours, a family friend, my cousin, I was a little child then, I didn’t know I was played down but thankfully I was not completely engaged. Still, these events marked my young heart and became my second nature.
I was always in a confused state of mind, lonely, couldn’t befriend anyone and there was a great struggle inside me. I wanted to be good, but I was unable to. I used to go to church with my parents but had no awareness of sins and about Jesus. The more the holiness of God was preached my struggles intensified and my thoughts about God was that He is unhappy with me, and I can never be a good child.
I was even unhappy at school and home. I was constantly bullied because of my skin colour and at home when I tried to share with my parents, they chided me not to get affected by them. I couldn’t overcome the rejection and began to isolate myself. I became resentful and slowly gave into hatred and with this, my relationship with my parents got destroyed. I wanted to be accepted loved and appreciated. But I didn’t know why I was wrong, why I am being like this. I wanted to be good but why do I get more entangled in? All these questions haunted me rest of my life.
To escape from this misery, and to forget the pain and hurt I began to dream a world where there is acceptance and love. Whenever I faced rejection, I locked myself in dreams where I can be free to be what I am. It was a fantasy world, something I thought it existed but little I knew it was a web of lies that the enemy has spurned in me.
You would be wondering what was that? It was a dark secret place I created. If I want to vent on someone I would visualize and show anger and speak in my mind to that person. Or, if I wanted to snuggle, I would imagine someone and snuggle to them in my mind. It was an unrealistic world, a secret place where no one would scold me or hurt me. I can think and wish the way I want.
As I grew to my teenage years, I got increasingly insecure and depressed, and to gain sympathy I feigned sickness or spread malicious lies about my parents that they hate me. My friends would sympathize with me, but their words or actions gave me temporary comfort but not real happiness. My mom put restrictions on me because she was unknowingly guided by Lord himself. When mom’s restriction didn’t work, Lord allowed a painful event. A close friend whom I trusted and loved very much to the extent that I opposed my parents, she accused me of something I didn’t do. I was heartbroken. I came home went into a room took a Bible and for the first time, I cried to the Lord telling him my pain and of my friend’s accusation. Immediately I felt stirred and opened the Bible and I got the verse from,
John 15:13-15,
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
I was amazed and from then I had the habit of opening the Bible. Little did I know this habit will lead me to my destiny. I didn’t know at that time you can have Rhema words by opening the Bible. That was the foundation in my life that Lord has already laid in me. However, I was too young to understand what Lord was telling me. I thought Jesus wants to be my friend. I didn’t put any further effort to know Him and went my own way.
I was unbent nothing was helping me. My relationship with my mom continued to be stressful. But a time came in my life where I was able to come out of my misery. I had a wonderful sister in church who led me to the Lord and spoke about the Holy Spirit Rapture. My sister encouraged me to receive the Holy Spirit. And after six months of praying Lord baptized me in the Holy Spirit. For some time, I had changed and began to pray and obey my parents. But as the saying goes, old habits die hard. I was unfaithful to the Lord and went back to my old sinful ways.
When I started going to college, I became fully rebellious, worldly, and craved for more love and attention from others. I continued to put a mask in the church and in front of my parents. World attracted me and I lived a double life. I dressed soberly at home but before reaching college, I would change my clothes in a public restroom and dressed to appeal others. Even after indulging in the world, I was unable to have any happiness. Deep inside there was a void and I was tired of pretence. When I couldn’t find any comfort, I began to get attracted to a married man who was my neighbour. That was where I completely fall. Partially out of anger on my mother I deliberately choose this way. I wanted to hurt my mother. So, I began to go out with this man and went on with this relationship for two years. My character got spoiled and I went into a deeper pit.
My parents, then to save me, moved to another location. I too moved on and thought to lead a new life. But increasingly my parents, out of fear, began to control my life. They were trying to keep me disciplined and I took it as more of a prison. I wanted freedom and couldn’t bear their restrictions. So, I came up with a plan and searched for a job, found a place to stay in a women’s hostel far from the city, and ran away from home.
Do you see how troubled child I was? I was so selfish and obsessed with myself that I neglected my little brother who was suffering in all these ordeals. My parents began to search for me, I was gone for days. I called my dad’s office to know about them pretending to be someone and they informed me that dad is sick. Immediately I called them and disclosed my location. And finally, again I reunited with my parents. This brought so much pain and distance between all of us. But I got back home. This was nothing but the work of the Lord.
This incident brought a deep trauma in all of our hearts. I couldn’t carry this guilt and shame in me and began to demand from my parents to move me in another location. I don’t know how my parents coped up with my behaviour, but they were afraid of losing me. So, they decided to move me to my native place, and I got enrolled in a college and began to start freshly. The old in me didn’t die, and I pretended to be a rich and nice girl. And I also pretended not to know the native language. Here I began to live a life I wanted, friends, treats, laughter, fun. I chased my dreams to do everything I wanted and was very loved by all. Truthfully, I even stole my friend’s money to satisfy my greed for things. My whole life is a lie and not reality. I lived in constant fear that my lies will be exposed.
It was this time I came close to my grandma. She was a prayer warrior and always encouraged with her stories of faith and struggles. She knew I had a calling in life. At that stage, it was really impossible for me to even think in that way. But she somehow believed.
In our culture parents fix our marriage. My grandma came to know about a man of God who is serving the Lord a little bit far from our native place. She coaxed my parents to try for this proposal. My parents were also visiting me, so it was the perfect setting for my marriage prospects. I don’t know how things worked out, my family was impressed with my husband, but I was not. God’s ministry I cannot comprehend. I thought that was for righteous people not a sinner like me. My grandma and my parents didn’t give up. My parents thought I should get married early, and I just brushed it off. One day I was going back to college, I was thinking about all these incidents and suddenly I heard a voice and very gentle. It said, “When I have chosen you a godly man, why you want a worldly man?” I was startled and I couldn’t understand but my heart changed. Suddenly I gave my consent to my parents and within two months I got married.
I thought marriage will change my life, for I believed this was the plan of the Lord. Maybe that was also part of God’s plan to protect me. I am really thankful to the Lord, for my husband is a very godly man. I can never imagine I would be married in such a godly house.
For some time, my marriage was good, but problems cropped up in my marital life too. It was my same old ways. I wanted full attention and love from my husband. We live in a joint family, and I had difficulty in adjusting with their way of living. My husband’s family are very simple and humble people. And I carried a worldly attitude, and I didn’t like them interfering in my life. Rather than taking it kindly, I thought, they are pinpointing my faults and are undermining me. I began to get hurt again. All the past memories flooded me, and I began to blame myself. In my heart, I believed Lord is displeased with me and my life can never be good. The more I tried to win others’ approval and affection the more I got wounded. Rejection went deep into my heart. My husband tried to make me understand too. But I wanted my ways, I wanted everything well refined and good things. It didn’t sit well with my husband and then began conflicts, arguments, and quarrels too. I hated the fact that he gives more importance to his family than me. I blamed other family members for their interference in my marriage and I became extremely insecure and jealous of others. I couldn’t stand my husband passing over me for others. I fall into self-pity and depression. Everything was crumbling, I felt like a failure.
So, to counteract I tried to fast and pray for 40 days and 60 days—tried to be holy, and very much tried to discipline myself. I remember on Heartdwellers website
there is a Rhema it says, “When we try to do our own way and have personal affections to do this and to do that, He destroys it so that we can depend upon Him”. That’s what happened, whatever I did, I failed miserably.
My failures lead me to think Lord dislikes me and abandoned me. I thought he is punishing me for my sins. so, I hid myself once again. I seldom left my room and slept all day fantasizing about life of my choice in my dreams. I fantasized other men, imagining love and comfort from these imaginary men and those dreams which were actually demons of fantasies. Or I would watch TV and go for shopping. I tried to invent ideas to entertain myself. I became a dramas addict or played video games and I got into the further pit of vanity. And when that was not enough to cope up with rejection, I visited dating websites and had chats with unknown people. I had online relationships and they taught destructive things, and things which violated completely my conscience and I polluted the temple of God’ my body.
[PART 2]
Even though I didn’t commit physical adultery, but my sins were not any less. And top of it, my hypocrisy, I used to even preach in the church, spoke prophecies. I was completely corrupt, deluded, blind, and full of pride. I didn’t have one inch of conviction of my dark acts and acted so good in the church. And this was long for thirteen years.
After the birth of my children, my conscience began telling me I should give up these things. I was afraid my dark deeds will affect my children. Again, it was only the hand of the Lord. I drifted my attention to give good things to my children their upbringing and partially I wanted to prove myself as a good mother. When there was no room for bad things Satan sent me more delusions to take projects to satisfy my vanities. I took many things that could consume my time instead of seeking God and family. I lost all interest in godly things and took up gardening, fashion designing, baking, and what not? All this to led me to nothing. I was distraught and my relationship with my husband got completely damaged. My family members were careful with me, my parents gave in to my behaviour and I made them pay all of my expenses. And I had a stressful relationship with a sister-in-law of mine I had quarrels and strife with her, and I didn’t know I was hurting so many and in turn, I was hurt too.
Dear family, can you see how worst and miserable I am? Still, how I received Lord’s calling, that is completely the mercy of the Lord. In 2015 on New Year’s Eve, I got a promised word.
Isaiah 54:7 “For a moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion, I will bring you back.”
Frankly, I didn’t believe Lord can love a person like me. But He did and still does.
In 2018 I came across a YouTube channel of a certain prophet who made animations of present state of churches and deceptions in souls. Those videos led me deeply to getting convicted and I immediately repented of them. I came across a wonderful brother to whom I confessed all my sins and deeply repented. And through this brother Lord sent me a message that He has forgiven me and is longing to hold me. I was over the moon. I couldn’t contain my joy. Finally, I saw hope and liberation. Immediately I repented and asked forgiveness from my parents, my husband, and all other family members. I began to seek the Lord and day and night.
Also, I began to pray in a group with the brother and other sisters. Lord personally visited me, and everything changed radically. And through this brother, I came to know about Heartdwellers, about mother Claire and Father Ezekiel. At first, I didn’t accept their teachings but somehow, I was deeply drawn. During that phase, I got connected with Mother Mary Elisha. She was Nana at that time. Everything was going well until a test came and I fall again. As I was having encounters with the Lord, I began to be puffed up and filled with pride and refused to obey Jesus. It really grieved the Lord and I saw in a vision that Lord was walking away from me. That was the day I plunged into more darkness. For two months I thought I was listening from the Lord, but something was off. The voices began to direct me to do holy things, fasting, praying for hours. Whatever I did I was struggling, and I had no peace. I was not able to sleep for more than 2 hours, because I was attacked all the time in sleep. I had lewd dreams, I was sexually attacked every night and by the morning I was ashamed and guilty. I don’t know what was happening. I contacted Mother Mary Elisha then she discerned that is a lying spirit. And I gave up seeking to be in intimacy with the Lord and returned to normal prayer life. That’s the fatal mistake I did instead of repentance I [clung] to my own ideas and opinions and tried to build my own spiritual life.
I was battling day and night against these sexual dreams. I thought I am completely lost and there is no way. I cried and cried every hour and every day and night. I knocked on many people’s doors and asked for help. Many prayed but my situation was still the same. I wanted deliverance, and I had no change. My husband was more frustrated than ever. I once again contacted Mother Mary Elisha. She pulled Rhema’s and said this is a cross and Lord has great plans for my sanctification. I didn’t understand at that time.
I thought I was sinful, and these attacks were because of my sins. That I am an addict, and I can never come off from my habits. These were all lies of the enemy. You see, when we accept Jesus, we must believe that He has forgiven us and is going to change us. Satan will not stop lying to us that we will never change, and our sins will remain and that will lead us to more misery. That’s what happened to me, I couldn’t believe that Lord could love me and forgive me.
For three years, again, I was in darkness, I cried out and prayed but nothing changed. My prayers were out of insecurity and fear. I feared Lord is displeased with me and I compared myself with others. More than the truth of the Lord I believed more in lies of the enemy.
In these hurtful and agonizing situations, I knew there was someone who was backing me up with prayers and tears. Her eyes were on me since I was born, and in every phase of my life, I somehow didn’t cross certain limits which could completely cut me off from the Lord. She was none other than Blessed Mother.
When I came to the Heartdwellers channel, I was surprised by the messages of Mother Claire. The simplicity and approach of the Lord towards His children and His great love changed my religious mindset. But I couldn’t agree with blessed mother teachings and cloud of witnesses. That was Catholic for me. So, I carefully followed only the teachings of Jesus. I was very much drawn to the way the Lord speaks to His bride. His humility deeply affected me to change my thinking of a just and punishing God. As for Blessed Mother, I didn’t apply myself.
My view of God was distorted. Even though I went through Heartdwellers teachings, I depended much on feelings. For me to be with God is supernatural experiences in worship or to be used in gifts. Which is good but there was more to it.
I was in my usual prayers, worship, and taking communion. And I also took translation ministry from Mother Mary Elisha’s channel. I thought that should be enough to grow spiritually.
Lord wanted to open my eyes to complete truth and then He allowed a turbulent storm that really turned my world upside down.
Suddenly I began to have demonic attacks. It started in Halloween week and then it intensified so much that I started to have doubts and fear of my life. I was still struggling with sexual attacks at night, but attacks began even in my prayer time. I heard voices in my head, blasphemies, and many perverted thoughts. It made me ashamed and guilty. I panicked to go before people. I couldn’t just control these horrible thoughts and I was continually tormented to harm others and commit suicide. I couldn’t understand what was happening. I reached Mother Mary Elisha once again. She discerned all these attacks are lying and condemnation spirits. And she told me that Lord is calling me to be a priest. I said what? No way, that’s not possible. Here I am struggling, and this cannot be true. But she kept on counselling it’s a cross and it’s for my sanctification. I couldn’t accept it. I reasoned with God why I need to suffer? When I have given up old lifestyle and wanting to be holy, then why am I supposed to suffer?
I didn’t pay heed to her counsel and continued to seek others for deliverance. No matter how much time I spend in prayers or people praying for me there were terrible torments, and I couldn’t feel the presence of God.
It went on for months. I was so much under attack, that I became resentful against Lord, thinking there was no hope. He is punishing me and hates me. I was on the verge of insanity. I begged my husband to send me to an asylum. They took me to a physiatrist, and they all did their efforts to heal me, but all measures failed.
Finally, the truth came. Once again, I sought help from Mother Mary Elisha, and she took a Rhema message from the Heartdwellers website that brought out reasons for my misery and hidden sins. The message was titled “I missed the Lord” Lord was admonishing Mother Claire for neglecting her grandchildren when they came to visit her. It greatly displeased the Lord and that message convicted me of my negligence towards my children. I asked forgiveness from the Lord and my husband and began to change my lifestyle. I lived a very sedentary lifestyle and such a lazy bone that I used to sleep more than 10-16 hours. My laziness was the main reason for oppression from the enemy. I thank the Lord, in His great mercy, and the suffering He allowed because I could see my hidden sins. As soon as I rectified my laziness the sexual attacks ceased. Now I sleep peacefully. My second sin was disorder in my life, my home, and my family. It is so important to stay devoted to your husband. I was living in a rebellious state of neglecting my husband’s needs and overruling his instructions. I had a hard time submitting to my husband but in time Lord’s grace helped me and now my marriage is healing day by day. And now I am helping him in ministry. And thirdly, Lord showed my selfish life. I was so obsessed with myself, I had seldom time for others. I had a lot of resentment against my parents and brother. With the Blessed Mother’s help, I could let go of all of it and ask forgiveness from my parents and we are united. Now we both sometimes pray Mother of Mercy Chaplet. Truly her intercession has brought many graces to my life. And mostly I had a lot of strife with my husband’s family members. But now Lord has been healing our relationships. Because of the change in my behaviour, other family members are witnessing the Lord’s transformation in me.
I hated suffering, we are taught we suffer because of our sins and therefore I resisted the Lord fiercely, but Lord was patient with me and continued to give me graces to see the truth and beauty of cross.
And then Lord ordained me as a priest. And I began to share my faith with others and of Blessed Mother. And now many have come to believe and are praying to her. There was a time when I hated taking Communion but now Eucharist has become my source of life and comfort.
Dear viewers, with my testimony you can see how God took a corrupted person into a priest? I have been unfaithful to the Lord and rejected Him several times. For more than 30 years I continued in the sin of vanity and destructive behaviours which ruined me and the people around me. Because of shame and guilt, I kept running away from Him. And kept ignoring His invitation. I firmly believed Lord has rejected me, despises me, and I can never match up to Him. Still, He loved me and proved me wrong with His unconditional love and sent me little signs to prove He is with me.
Even though I was wayward He kept protecting me. I thank His mercy and glorify His mercy—it is His mercy that I could come out of that pit of corruption. Even now when I feel condemned, I turn towards His mercy. He changed me and embraced me when I was in the lowest. When I was feeling ashamed and guilty of my past sins, Lord told me He was never ashamed of me. I found my true love, Jesus Christ.
He has been continuously guiding me and speaking to me through Rhema cards, and Bible Promises which have helped me live condemnation free—continues to show His great mercy even though I fall many times and encouraged me not to give up.
I am thankful to my Blessed Mother for her love and prayers towards me. Her intercession has worked wonders in my life. My family got healed of Covid, without any treatment. My brother lost job and all hope in his life and when I and my mother prayed Mom’s Chaplet and within two days, he got a better job. My husband was having longstanding legal problems with the bank and after praying to her it got settled in less than two weeks. It was after praying Rosary all the attacks began to subside. Thanks to her powerful prayers, she is truly a gift to me. I also thank the Lord for giving me a wonderful mother and mentor…Mother Mary Elisha. In my hardest time, she stood with me and prayed for me. I have a wonderful Heartdwellers priest family. We all love and pray for each other.
I thank the Lord for showering me so much love for which I have longed since childhood. He gave me a promise that “He will finish what He has started” and I believe in Him. What Lord did in my life—He can do more beautiful things in your life too. Be encouraged and be blessed.
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