Hello, brothers and sisters and Heartdwellers family. May you all be blessed.
This morning I had to travel to take one of the sisters to the airport. We left at 3:30 in the morning because her flight was early. Then I had to stay a few hours in the town, which was about an hour and a half away, to drop off our community sewing machine that needed repair. Finally, when I dropped off the sewing machine, around 10am, I was feeling a little hungry. Mind you, I brought my own milk and bowl of cereal just so I could eat breakfast and wouldn’t be tempted to buy any food. I ate that bowl of cereal around 5am. I told myself you can make it home there is food there don’t buy any fast food.
Now the back story on that is, after taking my Franciscan vows, the Lord and Father St. Francis are very adamant that I follow lady poverty. He has given me the Rhema several times since being in the community that says, “Take less than necessary and don’t steal from the poor”. Which I have received a couple of times when I have had the freedom to buy food or have someone purchase food for me. With the others in the community, the Lord may not convict them about that. But for me he is very serious about living simply and even eating simply, which cuts out any fast food or restaurants, to follow this rule of life.
Twice I have been corrected by the Lord firmly by his demons, “the policemen”. Which St. Francis calls them. And it’s true, the demons are God’s policemen. They can be used to get us back in line for sure. Once, when coming to town, we had fasted until 5. When we finally reached town, I was starving. We were shopping for Mother Clare, and I eyed some plantain chips which are my favorite, and told myself, “Oh, it’s just a small bag of it,” and purchased them along with the items for the community. Which, in turn, made the other ladies with me also self- indulge and buy snacks and treaties for themselves. One of the ladies then offered to buy us some food because she hadn’t cooked dinner for us in the house and we were staying the night.
We got pizza, and I knew the Lord didn’t like that, but I was starving so I justified it by taking one piece and then making the ladies give the rest to a homeless man. I am a hot mess. That did not satisfy the Lord at all. That night the demons visited me three times in different attacks ending in sleep paralysis, the terror of their presence in my room, and no sleep at all that night. I thought, “Really, Lord, over chips and a pizza?” But I remembered the story of St. Francis who visited a Cardinal and stayed in one of his nice rooms. He, too, was beaten up by the devils all night. And in the morning, his companion was so perplexed why the Lord allowed it and he said the Lord gave him to understand that he is to be an example to the other brothers. If they are all living simply, on cold floors with no pillow, following the rule, by them finding out he stayed in this nice room would cause them to lose their courage to live in the way the Lord has called them, so they left. So, knowing all of this and having these frightful experiences with the Lord corrections concerting self-indulgence you’d think I would have passed the test this morning that he gave me. But nope, I failed.
So, as I was leaving headed back home, I kept telling myself, don’t look at the restaurants, don’t look at the food places wait to you get home Mary Elisha wait till you get home. Then the urge was so strong and like a good spouse I decided to go to the Lord rather than follow my urge asking the Lord this one time please can I grab something to eat I got “Joy.” I thought yay! “Aw thank you Jesus for this pass.” Deep down in my conscience, though, I felt a hesitation but ignored it. And when I saw a Chick-Fil-a, oh, it was over. [Laugh] I purchased my meal using my own money which I used to justify it and parked the car to it eat with Jesus. After eating a few pieces of the chicken bites, I looked to my right and saw a homeless guy with a sign. I immediately thought. “Fine, I’ll give him my food. Surprisingly I was getting really full already. And, if I can be honest, the guilt was starting to creep in. So, again, to make myself feel better, I gave my food away.
As I began to prepare to drive off, He played a song by Steffany Gretzinger called “Tell me the Truth,” and another song that said, “Speak”. Now when he plays that, that means he is wanting to not only speak to me but to be honest with me about something. I thought, uhh oh… So, I decided to go to Mother Clare’s Rhema page and pulled a Rhema message and the title was “Freedom Without License.” I know this message well.
Jesus was chiding Mother Clare about being compulsive and being overboard with her purchases and avarice. I first thought, oh no, Lord, could it be all the purchase for the merchandise for Heartdwellers gifts? I went to the Lord and got a “No” which I was relieved by because I had been feeling really insecure about that but that gave me much peace. Then it hit me, Oh no, Lord, was it the chicken bites I purchased? I got “Joy.”
I thought, aw man, I knew it! Girl, how could you fall for that? I knew when I got “Joy” in the Bible Promises I was attached to my desire. So, the Lord gave me that just to see what I would do, knowing He had warned me, admonished me, and disciplined me for doing something like that before. But I grabbed on to that reading versus the discernment in my gut because I wanted it. And not only that, but it was also compulsive.
I kept apologizing to the Lord profusely. Man, I am so weak and felt so embarrassed of myself. When I finally got home, I could feel the tug in my heart the Lord wanted to speak to me, so I came before him repenting and apologizing. Lord, thank You. Thank You for your love, your peace, and your loving corrections. I am so sorry for what I did today. If I can be honest, I felt a prick in my conscience, but I moved forward because I got “Joy” in the Bible Promises—knowing that you most likely gave me that because of my attachments, just to see what I would do. And I failed again. You would think I would know by now. But thank you, Lord, for your loving correction, and please help me to have more self-control and not give in to impulses of self-indulgence just because I think I’ve been doing a good job and I deserve it.
I also want to ask you to forgive me for my doubt and unbelief—getting anxious about our donations, musing over all the purchases, and wondering about funds for the community in Ghana. Jesus, this is your work please give me the peace to fully trust you whole-heartedly and rely on providence because as you can see,
I’m still struggling to trust when you have been so faithful over and over again. Please forgive me, Lord.
Jesus. what is on your heart?
“My beloved little one, thank you for recognizing the error in your decision today. And once again, following the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I love that about you, truly I do. You are more sensitive to My Spirit, more than you know. (smiling)”
Well. Lord, I know when you say you love that about me you are saying I love what I have done in you because there is no way I can do that on my own. I know it’s all you are longing in and through me to respond to your Spirit sometimes.
Sorry again, Lord.
“You are right once again. You see when I see you and all souls, I see a reflection of myself. I tell the Father, ‘Wow, that work is good,’ as He tells the Holy Spirit, ‘Wow, that work is good,’ and Holy Spirit also says to Me, ‘Wow, that work is good.’ We communicate with one another in a soul’s being, always glorifying each other because we are good, and all Our work is good. Even in your weakness, in your misery and even in the work of souls, still I see an indelible mark of My handiwork on display, and it is good. There is hope for your failures, dear one, much hope, as I continue to use you as an example of great weakness and fickleness.”
Gee, thanks, Lord (chuckling)
And Jesus responded,
“Well, just as told Mother Clare, ‘If the shoe fits, wear it’. That is truly who you are, so easily moved at times by circumstances, emotions, and people’s response, but you are maturing beautifully into a woman who is steadfast, constant, steady, like her spouse no matter what storm may come her way. So, it embraces it all my very little one.”
Of course, Lord, fine, I embrace all my unthinkingness, all my misery because that means I get more of you!
Jesus smiled, saying “Well, you have found the way to my heart.”
“Don’t worry my little one all things will work out you’ll see. Just continue to let go of all you think that is in your control and grab onto Me. It’s my work and we’re doing this together. I am making you to be a strong example for others to follow and these little areas you give allowance for yourself will cause others to stumble in the long run. Stop comparing yourself to others. The devils are clever in that way to set up situations where you feel you have worked hard, and just give in to a little treat no matter how small it is. After a long bout with your flesh, you reason with yourself and say, ‘Why not, others have done this, it’s okay it’s my money, what will a little treat hurt?’ But what you don’t realize is there is a demon of compulsion on your shoulder prompting you because when you give into one compulsion you are so more readily and easily able to give in to several others, they have lined up for you along the way.
“So, be watchful, My Dove, in this area. You are coming into a new season, and you will need to have much self-control — not in the big things, but in the littlest of things. Do not give into indulgences unless it’s given to you out of charity. Then you eat what is set before you, and, even then, if it’s a real treat you don’t have to eat it all, but just enough to show the person who gave it to you your gratitude. Remember, even St. Francis would take food as he was fasting but would pour it in his lap.”
As an aside, that is a true story of hidden charity. When St. Francis didn’t want anyone to know he was fasting he would eat with everyone, talk, converse and be jolly without them knowing that little by little he was putting all the food in his lap as if he was eating, as to not offend charity, and more importantly show his virtue of self-control to be noticed or seen by others.
“I am not calling you to be that drastic, but you get the point, My Dove. With My self-control, it gives more opportunity for you to give Me sacrifices. With the sacrifices you give me, they not only relate to grace for souls but provide anointing for you. So, the more you deny yourself, the more anointing you acquire. And there is much anointing ready to be poured out upon you and all My brides. It will be so worth the sacrifice. Think of it, a healing gift vs a chicken burger, which one do you prefer?”
Well, when you put I that way Lord, the healing gift of course!
“You see there? Then always keep that in the back of your mind. I need you to begin to listen to your body, not your flesh. I have told you already, My beloved one, I have given you the grace of self-control. Many times, you don’t feel hungry even this morning, but you gave in to your flesh, that desired a little treat and set you up for a fall. You and I are one, now I dwell within you and you in Me. When you feel full that is a grace given to you from Me because I am always full and only hungry for the will of God (as he smiled.) Follow that, versus following your flesh, and carnal desire to eat anyway.”
I see Lord, got it.
“To my beloved brides, there are many graces, anointing and gifts for you all right around the corner. I can hear some of you murmur, Lord you have said that before, and I haven’t seen anything. My beloved ones, oh the harvest is so plentiful like ripe apples falling off of trees. Souls will be so ready and hungry for answers, for my love, and for truth, that some of you won’t be able to even keep up. I have been preparing all of you for this time, for this hour.
“Greater, supernatural anointings are upon you all. Many of you have already received it, but now is the season to water it. I am sending my brides out in various ways. Be sensitive to that. There will be many opportunities to share my love with others and it is time that you walk not only with My words but with My power.”
And the Scripture that came to my mind was:
1 Corinthians 2:4
And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power.
“That takes great sacrifice on your part and all I am asking is for the smallest things you can give me, and I will make up for the rest. Give to me your small indulgences and I will give to you greater anointing. I know my Heartdwellers are so weak, so little, but so pure and because of your heart-felt intentions and acts of your will to give up these small sacrifices I will reward you greatly. Believe me, it will be worth every little sacrifice. Deny yourself, My beloved ones—give me your indulgences, give me your appetite and give me your frivolous purchases and I will give you my mantle of healing, my mantle of power, and my mantle of love as you go out touching souls and restoring them back to health.”
That was the end of Jesus’ message.
Wow, that sums it up, no more chicken sandwiches for me. May you all be given the grace to give up whatever your chicken sandwich is. God bless you, family, until the next message.