I am the fear that tells you you’ll never be good enough
I’m the voice that licks wounds of your salty past
Reminding you that where you’ve been
Is just around the corner holding a sign with your name on it
Ready to take you back, back to those days of toilet seat pillows, pain in a bottle
And men who could somehow solve all your long term issues
Temporarily
No matter how tall you walk or how high you hold your head
I will remember you
For I AM FEAR
I carry low self esteem and self consciousness under my tongue
I am the mother of suicide
And me and trust issues?
Well we have no issues
Look, there goes another one of my victims
So what he paddled against adversity and now searches for a job
In that river of prosperity
Ha! I will make sure to provide a dam of sleepless nights,
Worrying of background checks that come by to politely let him know
That no matter how many degrees he accumulates he will ALWAYS be nothing more
Than a criminal in a 3 piece suit
I will not stop until self doubt pokes at every goal popping his possibilities and he re-tracks
Re-tracks back to the concrete jungle of dope boys
Green dreams,
And a suit more tailored for his type, no 3 piece here
But an orange Jumpsuit with numbers on the back; yes
I am Fear
On cold nights I will be your blanket
You’re lonely at night so tears tip toe across your face?
Whispering words of discouragement,
I will be here for you
Telling you to never love again; keep yourself isolated
Besides no one even misses your presence; you’re unpopular and unattractive
Oh look there, a bottle of pills on the counter…let’s just end it all.
C’mon what do you say?
I am the mental bully in the battlefield of the mind
I speak in syllables, slow and painful
Lining my lies with sugar
So as painful as it is to hear these fearful thoughts
There is complacency; the aftertaste is sweet;
And because of its familiarity,
It brings you
COMFORT
There is no restraint in my rants
Razors are released regardless of race or class
I remind the rich of just how quickly they can lose it all
So OVERtime becomes their ONLY time
Whole families begin to look more like puzzle pieces
I break them apart
And I have made many a mansion transform into orphanages lined with fancy things
Focused on fiscal deposits; their children suffer from emotional withdrawal
See where all that glitters, I have turned cold
Kisses, hugs, and” I love you’s” become foreign
Passports are needed just to receive them
Because the only place they are given are outside their own family
You see…fear is such a beautiful thing
I have made mothers turn on their own children
Like lions who eat their own cubs
All I have to do is remind them of the poverty, the struggle, the burden
That comes along with birthing one of God’s beautiful angels into the world
And…Just like that!
I can convince a woman to exchange her Fetus for her Freedom
So what happens to a birth deferred?
An abortion!
But what they don’t know is it all would have worked out
It would’ve been hard, but they’d make ends meet
I intercept heartbeats and have slowly been collecting little baby halos
And the pile is just growing bigger and bigger
I tell ya’ll… my dark space has never glowed so brightly
I am the reaper of the living, smoldering fiery passions and dreams
Into dust and smoke
They say you’ll never know where you’re going until you remember where you’ve been
But I say, you’ll never get to where you’re going
Because I’ll make you RELIVE where you’ve been, it’s no fun just remembering
I am fear
I pour tall drinks and leave sorrow at the bottom
Shot after shot after shot, I take shots at your self worth
That you chase with bad decisions
I make love to depression, see depression understands me the way I understand you
So you see, you’re not alone
Fear will always be here for you
Until you get the courage to serve me my papers and let me know
That you will no longer feed into my lies
That you are removing yourself from my table that already sits so many
I will be here
Until you let me know that you will no longer leave a cracked door
For me to rearrange your mental gallery putting painful paintings of your past
Up front on display
I will be here
Until you let me know that you will silence my tapes; messages of your history
Dirty, destructive, regretful
I will be here
Until you let me know that you realize that your PAST gets no PASS into your future
And that you are not who I say you are but who God says you are
I will be here
Until you let me know that I can no longer visit you with depression
That sadness and self loathing are no longer welcome, that you will now reject our gifts of
Plastic bag remedies and blades that make your skin feel something; anything
And all our wonderful anecdotes that have you kept you company for so long
I will be here…
We will be here
To muddle your cries, kill all your aspirations and damage your dreams
And should you ever decide to meet my son suicide?
We’ll even help you pick out a companion to take with you
Because we both know
You’re even afraid
To die alone; yes
I AM
(END of Poem)
The Word says that 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
So don’t let fear stop you, today is the day to serve Fear its papers, and evict it permanently from your mind. You will be bullied no more. Psalm “whom shall I fear?” Remember even on days things look bad in the physical, God is already working it out in the spiritual. He loves YOU so much that he has employed an army of angels engaging in spiritual warfare on your behalf, for you, yes you. Your soul is that precious to God. Regardless of what you’ve been told, regardless of how others see you, regardless of how you see yourself, Jesus loves you. Even for those of you who say, I haven’t given my life to Christ how can he love me? His love is NOT conditional, it’s Unconditional, he loves you anyway and that’s why he wants you to accept him into your heart so he can wrap his arms around you and bring you restoration. For those who say, you don’t understand, I’ve done some pretty terrible things in my life. Guess what? It doesn’t matter Jesus still loves you. So stop being afraid to accept him. For those who say I tried Jesus but it didn’t work out. Let me ask you something. Did you try Jesus as long as you tried liquor? Did you try Jesus as long as you tried Sex? Did you try Jesus as long as you tried drugs? Did you try Jesus as long as you tried that last diet? Did you try Jesus as long as you tried Ashley? Did you try Jesus as long as you tried Brandon? Did you try Jesus as long as you tried to make all those failed relationships work? I’m telling you, just stick with Him long enough, give him your forever and He will change your life.
So… with God on your side whom shall you fear?
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