Hello, brothers and sisters and Heartdwellers family. May we all receive the grace to walk in more fidelity to the known will of God and obey his instructions.
I found myself these past few days in a bit of anguish after, yet again, counseling a few souls and seeking the Lords will for them, just for them to not trust my counsel and seek the Lord on their own to get affirming readings of what they want to hear rather than what the Lord has made clear, through my counsel, of what He wants them to do.
I am noticing a lot of self-will, independence, and gentle contention—that’s what Mother Clare said I had once I arrived in the community—that I was contentious but had a gentle way of always questioning her instructions. And it startled me when she said that, as I realized, she was right, and the Lord had just shed light on that area of my character that really had to change.
One young soul whom I had been counseling for a while, giving her my time and instructions, tends to get frustrated because the Lord is not giving her direct instructions. After an hour of talking and giving her counsel she said, “Why doesn’t Jesus give you messages for me?” As, I wanted to slap my palm on my forehead and I responded “Umm, He does, through the messages and my counseling you. But you go off on your own.
And two other souls I had given counsel to, from the Lord, to encourage them to forge ahead, answer the call, and leave everything behind to follow Jesus, had just messaged me that morning with both saying the Lord told them to wait. One said she felt rushed and felt more at peace when she waited versus leaving right away.
I then got this Rhema for this soul the following morning and it said,
“Don’t Sulkily Obey: The deeply obedient friar is like a knight buckled in stout armor, mounted on a fiery charger, breaking through the thick of his enemies, None of them can challenge him. The friar who sulkily obeys is rather like an unarmed knight mounted on a sorry nag when he rides in the thick of the fray is unseated, wounded, captured, chained, and imprisoned by his enemies who may kill him.”
Now that is a strong warning. As I told this soul that was the same rhema I got when I was called to the mountain but didn’t yield myself to Mother Clare’s counsel. And more importantly, wasn’t obedient immediately to the Lord and therefore suffered some heavy oppression for two weeks before he finally delivered me, and I came right away. Sulkily is defined as something done in a pouty way or in a manner that shows unhappiness.
After receiving this Rhema and counsel from me the soul still felt strongly the Lord was telling her different through her Rhemas and she should wait. So having all of these situations with these souls back-to-back I felt frustrated, tired, and grieved in my heart. After my confession, my confessor got a rhema for me and it said,
“Sorrow born of self-love is full of anxiety and bitterness. Far from healing our soul’s wounds, it serves only to pour poison over them. But sorrow springing from love of God is serene and full of abandonment to His perfect will.”
I thought, “Ouch Lord, I need some comfort”. But he was right as always. I’m telling you guys when Jesus gently admonishes anyone, he always corrects me first. So that morning after prayer my heart was yet still so heavy, and I heard the Lord gently speak to my heart about the Rhema I got the day before that he was reminding me to not take these things personally as to cause me anxiety and bitterness, but I too needed to abandon myself totally to the Lord in all of this.
He then gave me a message that morning, but I was unsure if this was from him or not. So I put it on the shelf for a day until I got clarity in my discernment. The others who discerned felt this was from the Lord, and yesterday morning I pulled this Rhema that said,
“My children, what has taught us of our religion. The instructions we have heard. What gives us a horror of sin? Instructions. One who has never been instructed is like a sick person—like one in his agony who is no longer conscious. He knows neither of the greatness of sin nor the value of virtue. He drags himself from sin to sin like a rag dragged in the mud. This is our Lord’s first word to His Apostles: “Go and teach” to show instructions before everyone.”
This startled me and I thought Lord is about the message you gave me, were those instructions from you? And I got “Joy”, which gave me great courage to work on it because it is an admonishment, but the Lord always corrects those he loves. I have to remember that for me as well.
So I came before Jesus saying,
Good morning Lord, my love I’m sorry my heart and mind have been distracted today with these thoughts of not being heard or listened to by these little ones and I have found myself frustrated, tired, feeling impatient and unsure of what to do, and hoping you would have a word for them?
“Obedience is their protection, and I know being a mother and overseers hasn’t been easy, Little one, but you are growing just as they are too. Each one will go through their own breaking of pride, self-will, and independence from the ways of the world—from their own direction and counsel and will come to see that I have put you in a place, not to lord yourself over them, but to mother and shepherd them. This will be one of the many crosses you will carry, Beloved little one. Although you stand tall in Me, your stature and demeanor will be that of a very young girl to many and even to those you will Mother. You will indeed be their friend and companion on this journey, but I have placed you in an office that is not equal to being their peer, but one who has my mind and heart for them and charge over their soul. Honoring you, listening to you, being obedient to you is to honor, listen and be obedient to me. I fast-tracked you on this lesson, didn’t I Beloved?”
Yes, you did Lord, and it was so painful.
“But you were very obedient to Mother and Father Ezekiel afterward, were you not?”
Yes, Lord, I was.
As an aside the Lord crushed me and gave me a very, very painful lesson in disobedience. I have shared it in one of my earlier videos, but it could bear repeating. When I realized I was called to the mountain, to the community, I was so startled because the Lord had never given me any indication that he had called me to monastic life, a life of prayer, in all the visions he had given me for my future. So I wrestled with this call, crying at the thought of leaving my family, and my engagement behind to follow Jesus. I cried for two days. Then when I came to myself, I knew I had no choice but to follow Jesus. He had stripped me of any joy and contentment in the world, even in the promise of marriage. My relationship had become dry and so uncomfortable. However, when I spoke to Mother Clare, she suggested that although the place wasn’t ready, I could come. I highly respected
Mother Clare, but I decided to seek the Lord, after getting counsel from her, as to when I should leave rather than coming right away as she suggested. I couldn’t see myself leaving right away I was unprepared although he gave me the scripture in Luke 5:11 to leave everything and follow him to become a fisher of men.
I asked the Lord if I could wait two weeks and went to Bible Promises and got “peace”, which gave me so much peace because I felt I now had time, to tell my family, prepare everyone, get things together not realizing when the Lord calls, he wants immediate obedience. For the next two weeks, it was a hell on earth for me, literally. A lying spirit got in all my readings. There was so much confusion, and disorientation. I felt I was in prison, and a loss of the Lord’s presence was so keen and the most painful of all. Until, at the end of the two weeks, the Lord revealed to me, finally, that it was a lying spirit I had been listening to and delivered me. I immediately called Mother Clare and she discerned, yet again, the Lord wanted me to come now, as she got reading on Joy and Success. This time I didn’t waste any time I told the Lord okay, Jesus in two days I am leaving, which would give me time to get things together, now that I knew for sure he wanted me there. The following morning he gave me a Rhema yet gain on obedience. After the intense trial that he allowed I realized I still had a strong self-will, I still didn’t get it. He wanted me to leave immediately. So I didn’t waste any time this time around. I changed my flight to leave the next day. Of course, it was a storm leaving my family, but I felt a peace I could not explain once finally doing his will.
I was upset initially at the Lord as I told him, “But I just wanted your will. Why didn’t you show me that you wanted me to leave right away? but gave me readings on peace instead, to be tormented like that.” Then he finally revealed to me he didn’t tell me because he had already told Mother Clare and he was speaking through her, but I didn’t listen. And he did all of this to really humble me and crush my self-will that I didn’t realize I had. Also to teach me to honor and respect their counsel as the directions of God himself in my life. So when I arrived at the community, needless to say, I was so scared to get any word from the Lord lest is be a lying spirit and he gave me the rhema “Listen to me through others”, as he was teaching me a greater level of humility and truly fast-tracking me to Holy Obedience. Obeying every instruction and direction from Mother Clare and Father Ezekiel as if it was the Lord himself speaking because it was. Others who came after me had an issue with my always asking for their permission to do anything and obeying Mother Clare because they struggled with their independence and thinking their own wisdom was better. I understood them perfectly because I too was like that, but they had no idea the crushing I went through by the Lord’s hand to hone in to me, how important it was that I was obedient to my covering and how that was my greatest protection. Unfortunately, many who struggled with obedience and yielding themselves to the counsel of Mother Clare and Father Ezekiel in whatever was asked of them have suffered one way or the other in this community, and a couple have left this call from the Lord to go back into the world because of it. There is such great merit in the virtue of obedience. Everything hinges on obedience.
“And you became a great example of meekness submission to my will and obedience in this community. It was very important because you were the first one and you will continue to be a strong example to many. That is why My love over you has had to be so meticulous and jealous over your soul. You have no idea how many look up to you now and will come to look up to you, not by what you say, but by your example. There is no need to worry because I will affirm your motherhood and this role, I have placed you in, time and time again. Your children will come to see the bad fruit in their self-will and disobedience to your instruction which will lead them to a place of comfortability and constant sifting of the devils.
“My beloved little children, you have cried out to me to know my will for you, to serve me with your whole heart, to make clear your purpose to you, and in my mercy, I have shown you and given you a wonderful mission of prayer and to help the poorest of the poor in Ghana under the care and shepherding of this little one. Although very little she carries much wisdom and I have given her hidden insight to your soul, and into the light of your purpose and destiny if you would but listen and follow me through her. Holy obedience is something very foreign to this generation, and although obedience sometimes in the church has been abused, this little one and I are one. She has my heart for you. She has to obey me when I’ve given instructions concerning you. As a mother, there is an intuition that comes, and anointing I have given her for each and every single one of you. You see the devils lie in wait especially for a chosen soul to veer off on your own, to pounce on you with lies, confusion, and distractions, so that you may lose your vocations and the beautiful destinies I have for each of you.
“It first starts very little, with thoughts of disregard to the counsel of this little one, seeing them as mere suggestions as they incite you to believe your way is a little bit better. Then delaying to do what is asked of you. Delayed obedience is not obedience at all. Then when you find yourself struggling, they then incite you to seek the My counsel outside of hers. As you seek me wanting me to make things clear for you when I have already made it clear to you through your covering. I then hide myself from you little ones because this displeases me very much as I continue to wait until you return under a mantle of submission and obedience. I never leave you and you will always have my love but doing this will always take you into a place of confusion and disorientation. And then finally they suggest that you can lead yourself, go your own way and you don’t realize there are demons waiting in that decision of self-will and pride, to ensnare you. And their ultimate goal is to completely derail you from My Will as your life then becomes one of emptiness, discontentment, and full of the world.
“My beloved little ones, although God I was subject to my parents. I was obedient to them until the Father released me to begin my public ministry.
Luke 2:51, Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.
“Why was that made clear in scripture? To show a great example of being obedient not only to earthly parents but to spiritual ones as well. In your obedience lies your call, lies your purpose, and lies your protection. I was sent out by the Father after learning obedience through suffering and being subject to my parents, Mary, and St. Joseph, who only desired the will of God and lead me only in the will of God. That goes the same for you, My children, when you submit to this little one in obedience, it’s preparing you to be formed, to grow, and to be sent out at the appointed time by My Father. But there is a training and preparation period.
Hebrews 5:8, Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered.
“The saints of old knew the benefit of holy obedience and it sifted many souls out of a life of consecration who were not ready to be lead and walk in obedience. And many times it was only the prayers of their Mothers and Fathers who relieved them from the devil’s attacks and oppression. Your yes to Me caused Me to bring this little one to you because she has learned, she has been broken several times, and she has been faithful and obedient to Me. Now I have given her charge of other souls. She too can train up to be faithful little ones, to the call of a life consecrated to Me. You will be sifted and broken time and time again if you continue to go off on your own and can very likely lose this call if you do not humble yourselves and yield to obedience to be lead, formed, and instructed by those I have put in charge over your soul.”
That was the end of Jesus’ message.
Then I pulled another Rhema, and it said,
“He set an example for them. Leaders set the example by what they do. When Jesus took his garment off and used it as a towel to wash the disciples’ feet, they were shocked and protested that they should be washing His feet. He said, ‘I am doing this to set an example for you’. Nothing he said could have had as much power as watching Him do this most humble deed”
For me, it confirmed that I need to continue to be an example in obedience to the Lord and in serving others as he mentioned. Because it by my example others will learn for those who watch me.
I really struggled with this message at first because it is a strong admonishment and I know many of us don’t want to outright resist or contend with the Lord, but we do. And some are stronger in their opinions and for others it’s just a gentle undercurrent of contention which exposes self-will, which is in all of us, me included. I was hoping not to hurt anyone feelings with this message, but the Lord reminded me how important it is to bring this to the light because many don’t see their self-will and the attachment they have to their opinions and their own way of reasoning, and he wanted to bring it to the surface. He also reminded me that there are always consequences to disobedience and self-will. He has broken a few souls already who may have not fully recognized this lesson. One soul responded to the call to come to Ghana, however, she was still working as a schoolteacher and decided she wanted to renew her contract this June and wanted prayer for favor to get a renewed contract. I had told her it probably wasn’t a good idea because the Lord wants to prepare her for Ghana, but she didn’t heed my counsel. The Lord gave me a dream where she lost her job and that I should just catch her when she falls. Sure enough, not only did they deny her contract renewal, but they fired her. She cried in confusion as I comforted and told her about the dream and what the Lord willed, which brought her great comfort afterward. She is now working for us a full-time volunteer. So he wanted her out of the world and working for him instead, and she finally got it.
Then, the same day that I received this message, another soul who has been working on her autobiography for weeks, was just about to be done with seventy-plus chapters. However, she is not tech-savvy, and many times has difficulty saving her work, or losing her work, or going off to write something in a different document. So when she started this project, it took me a few days to organize her work, clean up her desktop and give her task lists of what to complete daily. I also told her to always come to me if she has any computer difficulty and not to do it or try to fix it on her own because it causes more problems for both of us. She ended up not being able to save her document. But rather than telling me immediately and asking for help, she disregarded it and thought she could come to me later. When she came back to her computer more than half of her book was missing. To say it was frustrating for both of us is an understatement she worked so hard on that for weeks, but the Lord made it known it was again because of her self-will and not coming to me right away as I had instructed her to, to avoid this very thing. In his Mercy, some of the documents were able to be retrieved but it was a hard lesson which she didn’t get until the Lord gave her a Rhema on “Obedience.” Then she finally understood this hard lesson.
Lastly, the young lady who was formerly called to go to Ghana struggled with this very thing. Time and time again I tried to instruct her, gently correcting her, and steering her into being more selfless and obedient to the Lord’s instructions but she just was not budging and because of that, she lost the call and is no longer on the mountain but is an extern for the community in Taos and no longer coming with us to Ghana.
I share this with you all to tell you precious ones it’s not me trying to be bossy, wanting things my way, or demanding you to obey me. That is not it at all, in the least bit. It is because I have been crushed like fine powder by Jesus and know how important it is, to seek his will and be obedient to it. And I love each of you and have also seen too many souls come and go (not only in this community) and miss out on their call because they would not yield to obedience. And I just don’t want that to happen to any of you. To be a mother of souls it quite different than leading a group or being a boss. I am held accountable by God for the formation of your souls, for what you do and do not do. That is a weighty responsibility that I don’t take lightly. You are not called to just a normal Christian life and having a pastor who feeds you the word from time to time. You are called to a consecrated life in Christ, what that your ultimate goal is to be in complete union with him, where you become one and the same. And that takes much violence to your flesh, dying daily to your ideas, preferences, and opinions. And you have been so blessed to have someone who can help you and who has been there and will come alongside you in this journey of holiness. As Mother Clare always says, and I affirm, I don’t know what I am doing, but Jesus, somehow, in his wisdom, knows and lives and works through me to draw you each of you into virtue and holiness, just as he does with Mother Clare for me and all the members of this community. So, family, please pray for me, please pray for these precious ones that we may all have the grace to be yielded completely and immediately to the will of God for,
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 7:21
God bless you guys until the next message.