THIS IS MY PERSONAL TESTIMONY – Part 1
My name is Marilyn. I took the religious name of Mary Magdalen because I felt very close to her. She was a disciple of Jesus and loved Him, so I wanted to be like her.
I have been writing My Personal Testimony for about three months, to no avail. The problem was that my writing would disappear from off of the Mac and the demons would cloak it or use smoke screens so I couldn’t see it on the Mac. But the main problem was me. I couldn’t find a decent place in my testimony where I wanted to begin. I agonized for weeks and months over it until finally, I asked Jesus for His help. The first thing he told me, was, “Stop trying to whitewash your life and tell your testimony as you lived it, without adding or subtracting anything.”
So, here I go… I was born on Halloween, 1956. This year I will celebrate my sixty-fifth birthday. To me, this is an amazing feat, considering that for sixty-one of those sixty-five years, I lived a secret, hidden and double life. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but it is actually the truth. And I had no idea that this was going on. I had no idea that I lived as two people. So I found out this way, through Jesus, and He doesn’t lie.
So, He came to me one day in October of 2017. I was sixty and turning sixty-one. It was about two weeks before my birthday. As I was praying, I could see Him walk into my room in my mind’s eye. He sat down on the floor as I was sitting on my bed. With a smile, He said, “Come sit with Me”. So, I stopped what I was doing, and quickly sat down beside Him, as He proceeded to tell me the most horrifying, frightening, and mind-blowing story I had ever heard, and it was about me.
When He started talking, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I did not want to believe it. My entire world shattered as He spoke. I thought it was 1977 all over again when I had gotten saved. During that time, I had wanted to take my life. Even though I had a two-year-old son, I still wanted to take my life. I was so lost and so alone, and so desperate to get out of sin, but I didn’t know how.
My life was a nightmare back then, and Jesus made a way for me to come to Him…. I was saved, none of this stuff was supposed to happen to me, I thought…, as a saved person. You know, when you get saved, you think, “Oh, I’m saved, nothing is going to happen to me. You know, Jesus has got you, God has got you, you are protected, the angels are watching over you and everything.” I thought to myself, “You’re supposed to be protected from these things. This is what the Lord is supposed, to do…He’s supposed to watch over you…” I wanted to die all over again, as I did at twenty-one, as I sat on the floor listening to Jesus.
He continued talking. All I could think of was, this can’t be happening to me! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All those years I had been deceived. I was like, “Jesus, I served you all of those years and now you’re going to tell me that I was born into an Illuminati family?” I thought, “No this can’t be happening to me…I was dreaming…I thought, ‘WAKE UP, WAKE UP!’” I couldn’t believe it, but it was true. Jesus doesn’t lie. He had a serious look on his face when he told me this. I believed, for all those years, that my family and myself were good, God-loving people.
And the truth was, we were anything but…My life was a lie. I felt so bad, I just wanted to cry. I looked at Jesus and said, “You’re kidding, Lord, this can’t be happening to me. Lord, I was a baby when you let this happen to me!” I felt so betrayed by Him. I didn’t know what to think. But I sat there, and I listened. He didn’t mince his words, He got right to the point.
He looked at me and said, “You were born into two Illuminati families.”
I remember Mother Clare talking about the Illuminati and how they put families together and have children for the purposes of creating more Illuminati people so they can do their evil business. He said that that was how my family was put together. As He talked, I began to remember my parents telling me that they were put together by my mother’s mother and my father’s older sister. So I thought, this is following in line with what Jesus told Mother Clare and what He is telling me now. So I started listening and stopped just focusing on myself. I couldn’t believe that I had been molested and ritually sexually abused and mind-controlled, at three months old? I thought, “Who does that to a baby?? What can a baby do? It was terrible, none of it made sense to me, but I listened anyway. It was a nightmare. I thought I was dreaming, and that Jesus was telling me a very, very bad, tasteless joke. I wanted to run out of the room, but where, where was I going to go? The God of Heaven and Earth was sitting right there explaining to me that essentially, my family was a bunch of hypocrites; sinister and evil people, for the most part, and they were just pretending to be good. A lot of them were church members, leaders, and ministers. I felt so betrayed by my family. I felt like I was part of them because I grew up in the family. I started questioning, “Am I evil too, Lord? Am I an Illuminati too?” I didn’t know…I didn’t know, I didn’t remember anything. I had never heard anybody in my family talk about any of this. And I just felt lost, at that point…I felt like a little girl lost, yet I was sixty-one years old. I was more angry with Jesus than I was with my family, about what they had done to me. Because I felt that he should have protected me. I was extremely upset. He could have and should have stopped this…sixty-one years of pain that He allowed me to go through. But the amazing thing was, I didn’t know about any of this. Yeah, there were some weird things happening in my life and I was doing things that no teenager or young person should have done. I mean my whole life had been lived terribly and at twenty-one, I felt like I wanted to die because my life was so tragic. I was like the neighborhood whore-girl, and I didn’t know why. I didn’t want to do the things that I was doing but it was like I was powerless to stop myself. And now I know why, at sixty-one. I knew that they had trained me to do everything I had done. I was stealing, lying, and cheating, doing all the kinds of things that you read about and see people do in the movies. I had done those things and I felt terrible. I didn’t want to live anymore, I was ready to die, at twenty-one. I was ready to die… and Jesus found me, and He stopped me and He saved me. He had taken me out of my neighborhood because it was so bad. And I know friends who have been through similar things, but this was my life! It was supposed to be good. I was raped at eleven. But, when I say I was raped, according to Jesus, that’s all they did to me…that’s all they did to me and I was just acting out in the daytime, what they had done to me at night, but I didn’t know it. How what this possible? I didn’t know. I didn’t ask Jesus any questions, I was just angry…I was just angry with Him that day that He came. I was really, really mad. And I kept thinking, “This is because of the life that I lived, this is why you are treating me like this, this why you let this stuff happen to me because I lived such a terrible life”. But I didn’t know anything about my family and the secrets. I didn’t know I had lived a double life. I just thought I was an evil person…wicked, bad, evil and that I needed to die. But in 1977, Jesus saved me, and I knew that He loved me, I knew my life was changed…I knew that I didn’t have to be that neighborhood girl anymore, that I could be a woman of virtue because Jesus loved me.
So, I’m going back and forth – so the day that he told me about my family, everything evil and bad about me came back to my mind and I couldn’t understand. But it did answer a lot of questions. Strange things would happen to me. My hair sometimes would never grow. It was always in little, tiny plats…my eyebrows wouldn’t grow, and just weird things would happen to me. When I would wake up in the morning, I would wonder why my hair would always break off at night. My mother would ask me, “What did you do to your hair”? I would answer, “I didn’t do anything to my hair!” So she got mad when I was about twelve, and she wouldn’t do my hair anymore because she said that I kept messing it up. But I wasn’t doing it.
But every morning I would wake up and my hair would be broken off and I didn’t have any explanation for it. It still does the same thing now, but I know why.
I know that I have demons and people Astro-projecting into my space and doing different things to me at night.
But I understand also that Jesus needs sufferings …He said that He takes sufferings and spreads them out around the world so that no one person suffers more than anyone else. But He takes the worst part of our sufferings, and He carries it so that we’re able to bear it. And so, looking back over my life, I have been able to bear this truth about my family because He has allowed me to. It’s a grace that He’s given me, to be able to live sixty-five years being tortured and tormented every night. And having my mind shattered. The thing about the Illuminati and the Masons too, is that they do evil. They are an evil group. They’re behind a lot of evil stuff going on in our world.
It took me about two years to fully get my attention back from being angry and upset with Jesus. Because things would happen to me, after He told me, it was as if the dam broke. I couldn’t live a normal life anymore because I knew, now, the things that were happening to me. It was like He came to tell me before I started realizing on my own, that people were doing things to me. So He came to tell me.
And after He told me, at night, I couldn’t sleep. I had to put chairs together to build a cage to sleep in. I knew within my heart of hearts that God would never hurt me. I knew that. But He was allowing the suffering for His glory. It seemed inconceivable and ridiculous when Jesus first told me this incredible story. If it had been anyone other than Jesus who was telling me, I would not have believed it. But Jesus doesn’t lie. So I knew that He was telling me the truth, for my own good.
The day He came to me was somewhere around the 8th of October 2017. I will never forget it because it was kind of liberating. It answered many questions, mysteries I had about myself and curiosities, about strange oddities and occurrences in my life. I remembered waking up a couple of times as a kid and I would have big bugs under my arms, and I couldn’t explain it. And weird things would happen to me; I would look up into the sky and I would see bugs falling down from the sky.
They weren’t really bugs but these were things that I would see. I was terrified of bugs…still am but I was really scared back then. The only reason why I know about it now is because Heaven declared that was time for me to know what was happening to me and what had happened to me as an infant.
My parents tried to tell me this when I was about 8 years old. They told me that once I came home from the hospital and I had developed colic they couldn’t do anything to cure it, so they gave me to my great-grandmother who was supposed to cure me or at least keep me at her house until I was better. But my great-grandmother was a high-ranking Illuminati. She was the one who gave the orders, according to what Jesus said. Also, there was one of my mother’s cousins who was just getting into wicca who was jealous that my mother had started a family. My great-grandmother was teaching her and she just stole me and was doing all of this stuff to me; putting me in cages…she was like a handler.
Amazingly, about ten years before Jesus told me all of this, I had checked out the Illuminati and the things they did to kids. I guess He had been trying to prepare me, it was crazy.
So my mother said that I would scream uncontrollably. She and my dad didn’t know what to do with me, so they gave me to my great-grandmother. She kept me and I remember seeing myself at her house.
My mother and dad told me that when I came from the hospital and had contracted colic, I would scream uncontrollably, to the top of my lungs, for hours and hours. It would last into the night and for a couple of days later. They seemed as if they were trying to justify having sent me away and were still agonizing over that decision ten years later. I mean, I was a kid. I didn’t really think about what they were telling me, but I do remember that they did try to tell me. I felt sorry for them. But, you know, they didn’t know all of what happened to me, they just told me that part. Because looking back to that situation, had they known the truth of what was going to happen to me, they would never have let me go, I’m almost sure of that. They said they only sought outside help when they tried everything within their power and still could do nothing for me. This is when they sought my great-grandmother’s help.
My great-grandmother, whom everybody called Ma Wendy, kept me for at least a year, or at least until I began walking. I vaguely recall seeing glimpses of myself walking around her DC, Georgia Avenue apartment. I would see myself sometimes standing and playing with the elderly, gray-headed, wheelchair-bound Mr. Jackson, whom great grandma also kept in her home. She kept him and she kept a young baby in her home too. So, you know, when I grew up, I wanted to emulate my great-grandmother. I mean, she kept children, she watched elderly people, I mean I thought she was a good role model, and I wanted to do that too when I grew up. I did actually, I taught school, I loved children, I love keeping older people. I actually thought my grandmother was my mother. And I’m sure that hurt my mother, probably. When I came home, I was estranged from my mother, for most of my life, until I became a Christian in 1979 and she also became a Christian a couple of years later. We started getting better but I missed those times…I wasn’t close to her. I actually watched my sisters be really close with my mother, go out to dinner, go to clubs and hang out. I didn’t hang out like that with my mom. Because I thought she didn’t like me or love me. We didn’t get along and now I finally know why. We had no bonding time, my mother and I. I had missed that during my year or so at my great-grandmother’s.
My life has literally not been my own for sixty-one years. That’s basically what Jesus was telling me. I was living a double life. During those sixty-one stolen years, from the beginning, I was assigned programmers and handlers for my entire existence, from three months old up until this day. The main job of these people was to make me an Illuminati slave, and I think I was. Specifically a breeder, Jesus said. A sex machine to supply children for sacrifices and some children were for members of my family who were not able to have their own children.
When I was given to my great-grandmother, they split my brain into many pieces by continuous ritual, sexual abuse, and mind control, using drugs and alcohol to create other identities and personalities in me, which they could then control at will. Their main objective to make me corrupt, sinister, and evil personified doing evil deeds immoral and venial sins that were against God and Christ and against the Holy Commandment so I would be like my then father – Satan.
Most children die under the pressure of abuse, of daily abuse. Jesus even talked about that to Mother Clare, how children are tortured and some of them don’t survive because of the daily sexual abuse. I do remember some things. I don’t remember ever being abused sexually by anybody or even tortured. But I do recall my great-grandmother would come over every now and then and she would take me to the store to buy me short-shorts, of all things, you know, hot pants. I think I was eight…seven, eight, nine, and ten, but I always remember she would always buy me hot pants…way up my legs, hot pants. So, what Jesus told me…I started seeing that what He told me was really true about me.
But He gave me extraordinary graces that kept me alive for sixty-one years (sixty-one years then, when He told me, but now, like I said, I will be sixty-five this year) and He revealed the truth to me. Forty- two years ago, when I was twenty-one the word of the Lord came to me and said, I would do a great end-time work for him and over the years, he has told me of the many things I would do about this time.
Before coming to Jesus I was tormented about my Halloween. I had a real head-trip about Halloween. I could not get myself together because, for one thing, I had this mental torture and anxiety my whole life. I hated myself, I hated my life and I hated everyone. I had no love for anyone…this is just how I lived. And I was really young. I was miserable, I was the worst of the worst sinner, I thought. I was powerless to stop sinning. I was drowning in sin and misery. And at nineteen years old, I became pregnant with my son, Lamont and I tried to kill him too. I had heard some girls at school talking about how they would get rid of their unwanted babies by using a coat hanger, of all things.
And when I found that I was pregnant, my sister had been pregnant two years before I did. My parents sent her to a school for unwed mothers and I was so terrified that that was what they were going to do with me. And so, after I heard what the girls said, I went and got a coat hanger. I put out paper in the bathroom and laid on the bathroom floor and I opened that coat hanger up and I stuck it up me with all the power that I had, and I hit something, I could feel it, and blood started gushing all over the bathroom floor and I got scared. I was like, “Lord (I actually said Lord) I don’t want to kill my baby.” I really didn’t. I wanted my baby. It was something and someone that I could love because I didn’t have love, I didn’t feel love in my home. Even though it was eight of us in the home, I felt no love from my mother, no love from my father, even though I loved them, I didn’t know how to receive love.
So, the Lord wouldn’t allow me to kill my son, He wouldn’t. So I got up off the floor, cleaned up everything and my mother took me to the doctor, and he told her that I was pregnant. And when I finally had my son, it was the worst experience ever, but I loved my son. He was like my little angel. Two months after he was born, the doctors told me that he had a hole in his heart. And I thought, “Oh my God, I did that to my son when I tried to abort him, but I thank God that he didn’t allow me to do it. Two years before my sister had given birth and my sister gave that baby away. I was scared that that was going to happen to me.
For the first eleven years of my life I had been a liar, a thief, I used drugs, I smoked marijuana, I was an alcoholic I think at eight, I lied, I stole, I did drugs, I did anything and everything imaginable. I was a bully, I stole one of my friend’s house keys and I would go in her house and take money…I hate to even say this stuff, but I did some terrible things as a kid that I wish I hadn’t, but they had programmed me to do all of these things. Taught me how to steal, how to lie, how to cheat…just everything evil. I had no goodness in me at all. I was devoid of emotion. There was a time when I didn’t feel anything for anybody, and I wanted to end my life. This was around 1976, I turned twenty that year. I was just the evilest person around.
I didn’t care about anybody, and I was happy to die because my life was just terrible.
I got mad at my mother; we had our first fight. She kicked me out. I had just turned twenty-one and I had nowhere to live, I was homeless. But I had my son, and my mother would not let me take him out of the house. She said, “You can go and destroy your life if you want to, but you are not taking my grandson out here and destroy his life too. So she wouldn’t let me take him. And the Lord had a place for me out in Alexandria, VA., with a woman who had a ministry for at-risk mothers and their children. And the guy I was going with at the time, took me there, it was his sister-in-law. And she let me come live with her… me and my son. I stayed with her for ten years. She told me about Jesus. Oh my goodness, the first day she saw me she said, I had a dream that this light-skinned woman and her son were coming to my house. She told me, she said, “Jesus loves you; do you know that?” And I was like, what is this lady talking about? She said, “Jesus…Loves…You.” And that was something that I had never heard. Nobody had ever told me that Jesus loved me. She had this song by The Sensational Nightingales. And they were telling people how to get saved. Every day she would go to work, I would put that record on, and I would get down on my knees and I asked Jesus every day for about two weeks, to come into my life. I did everything the guy said in the song. They said you’ll say this, ask Jesus into your heart, and look at your hands and they look new, look at your face and it looks new…. I looked in the mirror and I looked like the same old sinner that I was. And so I would do it again. I said, okay, it didn’t take, and I would get down on my knees and I’d say, “Jesus, please save me, I wanna be saved. I’m a sinner, help me! I don’t want to live like this.” So, finally, the lady came home from work one day and she said, Marilyn, have you asked Jesus to come into your heart? And I was embarrassed. I didn’t want her to know. I thought, how does she know my business? But God told her that I had been getting on my knees every day for about two weeks and repented. And He wanted her to tell me that He heard me and that I was saved the first time I got on my knees. I was so happy.
I loved Jesus so much for loving me! I’m telling you; I went to the library. I was like, I want to know this man, Jesus because he loves me. No man had ever told me that, that they loved me; no woman had ever told me that; my parents, if they told me, I didn’t know. I fell in love with Jesus, and I wanted to know everything about him.
I want to fast forward to March 2014 when I began seeking Jesus on the internet because He told me that He was going to speak to His people in the last days, on the internet. So I was looking for Jesus on the internet and I came across this website called Still Small Voice and Heartdwellers. And I was like, “Jesus, is this you?” and so I started listening. And I saw a picture of Mother Clare and I was like, she’s a New Ager and I turned away. So I said, Jesus, that’s not you. He said, “Go back”. He said, “Listen to her.” So, I went back to her channel. Then I saw her, and Father Ezekiel and I said, they are New Agers, this is not Jesus. I turned off. Then Jesus said, “Go back, listen to her voice and you will hear Me”. So I turned back again, and I started listening. And I’ve been listening ever since March 2014, to Mother Clare and Father Ezekiel and Heartdwellers. I love them. So, today, in June, I am a member of Mother Clare’s and Father Ezekiel’s Sacred Heart Refuge Community in Taos, New Mexico.
I have been here, it will be one year next month and I am a priest now, Praise God! I am so grateful to God for all that He has done in my life; for all that He has taken me through over the years, the good and the bad. I’m so happy for it all! I’m happy to have met Mother Elisha and Mother Elizabeth and all the people here at the Refuge. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
So, I’m happy to tell my testimony, even though I was afraid. I was afraid to tell my testimony because I was like, people are going to look at me bad, they are going to think the worst of me. But you know what, I don’t care…I don’t care, I’m not ashamed of what I’ve been through because it’s the power of God that saved me. And God needs my testimony because so many people have lived the life that I have lived. So many people have been bound by the Illuminati families, the Masonic families, and everything. And there is no power but God’s; His earth-shaking, soul-saving, blood-washed power is able to transform a miserable wretch like me from an Illuminati slave, born and raised, to a priest and God-fearing Woman of God.