Hello, brothers and sisters and Heartdwellers family. May you all be blessed.
Forgive me, family, I do hope you’re relating to these messages as the Lord really bares my soul and is shining light to a place in my heart that has been dormant for a while. In the previous message I made it known to you all that I was struggling with pains and wounds from the past in Derrick’s and my relationship. One of the counsels Mother Clare gave me was to write him a letter, being honest with how I felt, and the difficulties I had gone through. I went to the Lord to confirm and got “Joy” in Bible Promises. I was so elated because holding everything in has been such a cross for three years. I had prayed and waited for the moment the Lord would give me the go-ahead so he could really understand and know the depth of my pain and enduring love in all of this.
I told him about it, and he was open to hear my heart through a letter. However, I felt the Lord first wanted me to apologize for my errors and how I had fallen short. So I sent the first letter as an apology, then a second letter as a foundation before I really bared my soul. I had been waiting for this moment, but towards the end of the second letter I could feel my heart hurting and I lost my peace. I went to the BP (Bible Promises) to discern because this is how the Lord gets my attention many times when I am not in his will, and sure enough, I got “Jealousy” which means this was all disordered. I tried reasoning with the Lord telling him, “But you gave me ‘Joy’”, and “Lord, I am so close…. please, because I can’t carry this cross in my heart anymore!” But he gave me “Jealousy” again and a rhema that said, “Your heart is My thurible, your suffering hot coals, your prayers a sweet-smelling sacrifice that pierces Heaven and fills My Heart with joy”, as I told him, “Jeeze, I’m glad my suffering can bring you joy, Lord”. But I submitted to his will, and now I started to think, “Uh oh, I shouldn’t have sent those two first letters” and I didn’t know what his reaction would be.
All I got for the next two days was that he received the emails but silence, distance, and coldness. Which cut my heart so deeply because I had been here before, more than I could count, and every time, I was left feeling rejected and disappointed and had hoped that this time it would be different. Then, to make matters worse I had a spiritual warfare attack as I slept that night and woke up feeling disheartened, my body feeling as though it had been hit by a truck.
My heart was hurting, and thoughts of wanting to give up and just bury this promise, assailed me because I just wanted to put everything behind me and forget about the idea of marriage altogether because it seemed so much easier that way.
When I did my Lord’s Supper the theme of my missal was about how he heals the brokenhearted. I was so deeply touched to know the Lord is with me in all of this and knew the pain I was under. We had the most wonderful time in worship, and he really comforted me. As I cried in such gratitude that he had never left my side, he was my constant one, my constant friend through everything and he has been the most amazing spouse to me. As I started thinking to myself, “Why can’t it just be me and you, Lord?” And I heard in my spirit, “Satan is Trying to Make you Forfeit your Destiny.”
I thought. “Oh boy”. So I rushed from my prayer place and went to grab my laptop to begin writing because I felt Jesus wanted to speak to me.
I came before him saying,
“Lord, I am so very tired, and weary on this battlefield. Please fight through me. I feel as though I walk up three steps and get knocked down ten more. I am trying desperately to have hope, but I have nothing left.”
“I will fight this battle for you, My beloved bride. You are in the fire, but never alone and now you can lay everything down and put your trust in Me. Watch Me come with power and strength in the next few days and fill you with joy. I asked you to give Me all that you have, and I will do the rest. Now that you are empty of all you can offer Me, I will step in fully and do the rest. That is how battles are won, My beloved little one.
You see yourself weak because you are. But defeated and losing, that you are not. You have taken more territory back this past week with all you have believed and endured about you and Derrick than you have in all the time when you were together. It is by your meekness, submission to my will, and confession of your wrongs and errors, that this has been done. You are so close to the finish line, Beloved, in this trial. Please do not give up now. “
“Lord, I was thinking lately, the messages seem to be showing what is going on in my heart which has been an emotional roller-coaster for all to see, but I want to know what’s going on in your heart Lord, and to ensure I am feeding our children properly, not just with my personal issues.”
“My beloved, our hearts are one and the same. Many times what is on your heart is on mine and when my spouse is hurting, do I just disregard your feelings or brush over them to talk to you about other things? No, I am not like man, when I see you hurting, I hurt beloved, and I want to comfort you, reassure you and strengthen you, so that you can move on and be open to other subjects on My Heart.”
“Lord, you are such the perfect spouse, I love you so much. Why can’t I just stay married to you? Forgive me, Lord.”
Jesus responded, (Smiling)
“You will, Beloved, you always will be mine, but I also see your need for a companion. I have created you for that call and that is best suited for you, to refine you and conform you to My love. It is a gift, thank Me for it. Don’t look at the pain from your past or fears of the future you’ve been assailed with. (Sigh) Trust Me my little one.”
“Okay, Lord, please put your trust in Me, Lord. Do everything through me. Love through me, give me your faith so you can believe through me, and fight through me, Lord”.
Jesus continued, “That I will do. The reason I am having you share with our precious children the contents of your heart is because when one suffers you all suffer. These issues you are struggling with are not as personal as you think, Beloved. Many of our little ones are going through their own battles of faith with the promises and gifts I have given them.
My beloved ones, many of you are being pelted with lies, discouragement, and thoughts to forfeit your destinies which lie in the promises I have given you. Whether it’s healing, marriage, provision, your children, your nation, or ministry, do not forfeit this promise and what I have spoken. The battle is intense for many of you right now, but that is because you are so close to breakthrough. This soul is your mother, and many of her personal issues I allow her to share, affect you all because you are going through something similar. Put everything in its proper place, affections, and love of Me first, so you always have the right perspective and not finding your joy and consolation in other things or even the promise.
You may be in the fiery furnace, but all the dross is being burnt up. Once I open that furnace door even, your enemies will be astounded as you come out pristine, clean, and not having a hint of smoke or singe upon you. Those who have spoken against you will even become a witness of my great power, of my great hand of deliverance, and how much I love you. Do not give up, My beloved little ones. They will say, “God is with this one”. Stand firm, believe as I come in strength to fill you with joy overflowing.“
That was the end of Jesus’ message.
As I was putting this message together another young Heartdweller reached out to me who got a word from the Lord about a promise of marriage and wanted me to discern. We discerned it was the Lord as I told him about my apprehensions of these most recent messages and his email confirmed that the Lord knows there are many who are in their season of marriage also and need to hear these words.
Also, I spoke to Father Ezekiel who has been suffering greatly and was waning on faith and courage to go on. Mother Clare was feeling the same way, very weary with no change in our nation and, also about the promises of the Lord concerning Father Ezekiel being healed. This week he has been in some really intense suffering more than usual, so she too was waning on her faith as I was able to encourage them with these words. So this is really hitting all of us. I hope you all are blessed and encouraged.
Then, while I was editing this message, Derrick called and I found out the reason for his silence which I thought were many things, but it was because he was having chest pain and was admitted into the hospital for a couple of hours for them to watch his vitals and testing. The Doctors told him it was high cholesterol and stress. He said he has been under so much pressure and feels overwhelmed with work and other things. So again I was humbled as I realized I misjudged him yet again. Lord help me. I did tell him that pain in his heart is an indication that something is wrong spiritually with his heart and that he must run to the Lord. More importantly, the Lord is allowing this pressure for him to be obedient to the call and his will because it will only get worse.
Then today, when uploading this message, I got the rhema “Obedience shows our gratefulness”. Immediately I knew it about Derrick, that the Lord is wanting him to respond in obedience to his amazing grace towards him to clear all his debt. Now, he is even questioning coming here at all. Family, to say I am weary is an understatement, but I believe in the power of your prayers and ask you to please continue to pray for him to be touched by the Lord in a powerful way. Pray for his spiritual and physical health. Please pray that he would be obedient to the Lord’s will and for me to be patient in the process.
The scripture I got from my BP confirmed all of this, the title is Patience and in the Bible the title is, “Trials and Temptations”.
James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Last, I want to show you guys a Eucharistic miracle of Jesus, having a heart appear in the Eucharistic after repenting for leaning on my emotions and also asking him to comfort and encourage me. He gave me a perfect heart and not only that when I took a video of it, I saw angels bowing down before his heart in the Eucharist. Amazing!! I show it to encourage all those who are also waiting in their valleys and trusting the Lord that truly Jesus is for you and with you and most available to you in the Eucharist in Adoration. Spend time with him there he is present and let him speak with you and strengthen you.
God bless you guys until the next message.