Hello brothers and sister and Heartdwellers Family. May you all be blessed.
These few weeks have been trying as the Lord had been prompting a few people here in the community that there would be some members who would be leaving us. The young lady who was called to come to Ghana and I were having some issues communicating. I didn’t know what was going on, but I could tell something wasn’t right. She was sent off the mountain to leave in town for about two weeks as I shared with you all in the former message. I knew the Lord wanted her back on the mountain because It was impossible for me to shepherd her properly and I kept getting the rhema “ A sheep without a shepherd is a very vulnerable sheep”. So I waited and trusted the Lord and finally Mother Clare asked her to come back on the mountain. I was so elated because I wanted her close to me in preparing for our mission. However, I found we were at odds and she was being very distant which was hurtful.
I sought the Lord and I got the rhema “If a person knows they are loved they will follow a leader anywhere” so I then knew the Lord was calling me to just love on her through whatever she was struggling with. Then the second rhema I got was “how can two walk together if they don’t agree”. I thought uh, oh Lord because that is how I felt how can we do a mission together in another country if we can’t communicate now. She finally opened up and shared how she was feeling and her words cut my heart to pieces. It brought up old wounds from my past in leadership and with broken friendships. I knew the enemy had gotten in as I became so discouraged and began to wonder if there was some truth to the things she said, I pulled a rhema concerning the situation and got “ commit to God, Who knows all, defend yourself with patience and humility, against the tongues of those who speak evil, or think vain and false things about you”. How that comforted me as I waited patiently for the Lord to clear things up.
Then my roommate received a dream from the Lord where she and I were ploughing a field and it was really tough. We were side by side and there were others in the field she was able to look to her right slightly and noticed there were two people she recognized and one was this young lady. Who had one hand on the plough and was turning back. When she woke up the Scripture came to her mind,
Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”
I was troubled yet again for this precious soul and began to pray for her. The Lord began to speak to Mother Clare about letting people go who are not really committed in the community and her name came up. I began to get anxious because I really thought in my heart this would be resolved and she wouldn’t have to leave. That never crossed my mind however Mother Clare kept bringing it up. That evening during adoration the Lord played a song called “ Journey’s End” and I knew immeaditly it was about this young lady and others in the community that would be leaving. My heart was broken as the Lord prompted me after the song that he wanted to speak with me. So I stopped worshiping and came before Jesus saying,
Lord my heart breaks for my brothers and this young lady. I have been here before, when I see such a great calling, graces, gifts on a soul then they decide to walk away from their calling by walking in their own way. Lord please help me to understand and give peace to my anxious heart
“Your grief is a pinch of what I feel beloved. This happens so many times to various souls chosen by Me for such a high calling. They stop half way in their climb and decide to veer off in their own direction which leads to a fall. Then eventually at the bottom of the mountain again, just to have to climb up again. It can be a 11 day journey in the wilderness or 40 years, it is a souls choice if thy correspond with my graces.
This young lady is a precious soul, and so dear to Me and My Mother, but she is not yet ready to be led by Me or you. She still doesn’t see that I have put you in her life as means of precaution, guidance and fellowship on her spiritual journey in life. When she contends with you she is contending with Me, when she lacks obedience to you she is lacking obedience to Me as I have graced her, spoken to her, encouraged her in various ways, but she is not quite responding as she should and it is simply laziness. If she doesn’t get up from this bed of self pity, self-will and self-love she will be utterly ashamed and so disappointed at her lives end when she realized all the good she could’ve done with the graces and opportunities I gave her. Laziness is what leads many Christians living a mediocre life than settling into lukewarmness. I didn’t say this walk would be easy, but I am willing to accompany all who would embrace the narrow way and be willing be made wiling. I can bend a souls will so much, but I never demand or impose she is at her journeys end with you for now.
I know the pain in your heart and trust me my little one, this is the best for you and for her. There are still many things she must learn, and self love and love of the world must be completely dead for the mission to the City of God, for any mission rather and she is not there yet.
I know you have been concerned about help, but I am your helper dear one and I have heard your cries. Help is on the way and I am purifying and cleaning house. There are some who have begun with you, but will not last and I will lead in another direction. Dealing with souls is meticulous and very complex. I love how you have patiently endured, loved even when it was met with ingratitude and believed when it seemed hopeless in certain souls, but a time comes when you have to let go that I may do a work in them. There is a season for all souls in your life and when you hold on to them longer than I intended it can be detrimental to you and the future ahead of you.
The community I am preparing you to run will be one of brotherly love, purity and of unity. Key word unity, you all must be of one accord, one mind, and one heart working together to build this community and sustain it with love. If a soul is not docile, unwilling or lazy they become a source of distention in the community and the easiest targets for the demons to cause division. You have realized how highly sensitive this refuge community is because my spirit dwells among you all. You dwell among Holiness and I cannot continue to have any detraction in my presence. It is harmful for everyone and dangerously harmful to the livelihood of the community. That is why I continue to allow test and trials to purify this community as I will do the same to purify yours. So that everything that is unlike me comes to the surface. I am merciful, patience and always willing to give second chances, but when a souls continues to resist the work I desire to do and the way I desire to do it I must let them go on their own way.
She is still your child, pray for her always, love her always and keep her close to your heartbeat. Now is the time to work, press in and continue to press forward ploughing the ground in preparation for the work that is ahead of you. Her grace has been given to another who will respond, who will be a wonderful companion to you in this work of mine. I always send them out two by two my beloved little one, so I desire for you not to be sent out alone. Pour in to her now, teach her now, and help her now in this transition as I prepare and anoint her to be sent out with you soon.”
Lord is this soul still called to come, but maybe later?
“That is something I want you to leave alone and rest in the fact she is in the palm of my hand for now. I will still love her, and lead her as her good shepherd, the call may come a second time, but for now it is good to let her go and entrust her entirely to me.”
That was the end of Jesus message
The following morning Mother Clare called me in and said this soul had to leave the mountain. I was so grateful for the Lord telling me and sharing his heart before I heard the news from her because I had such a profound peace although I had cried much the night before I knew this was the will of God. I shared the news and the message with this soul that evening and there was a lot of tears as she resonated with the truth spoken in this message and shared with me some things that were really going on. We hugged and hugged as she began to prepare to pack her stuff and we made flight arrangements for her to leave the following day. That morning I saw an image in the Eucharistic of Jesus holding a young women and it looked just like this soul and I heard Jesus say “Console her”. So I stopped praying and went to her hermitage to give her peace that she was in the Lords will and not to be afraid of what he now had in store for her. God being so merciful the moment she was to leave Jesus gave Mother Clare an inspiration to have her not go back to the world but to simply stay back in Taos at the house.
That she could be an extern for the community someone who would help, serve and show hospitality to those who would come and visit us. We were all so happy and she agreed. She has now been there for 3 weeks and is doing a phenomenal job supporting the community by doing our grocers, laundry, making runs to the post office, and helping the two other souls who were sent down as well. It hasn’t been easy for her because its a big responsibility but she doesn’t want to miss another grace and call from the Lord. God indeed works all things out for our good, truly he does.
Please continue to keep me and her in your prayers and the City of God mission as well. Thank you for those who continue to donate, every donation, word of encouragement and prayer counts. God bless you guys until the next message.