The past couple of weeks have been a little rough, well quite rough lets say a Tumbleweed Season , began to feel a mixture of uncertainty ,anxiousness and discontentment. I began to seek the Lords will concerning a couple of things that were time sensitive “Time sensitive” For me anyway lol but you know how that is with the Lord. He walks with you completely unmoved by “our time’ and If I can be honest it can be very frustrating. (side note to Jesus: Yes, Lord this is very frustrating…sigh) lol . So as I began to press into the Lord in prayer and worship ferverntly he seemed so distant. No clear answer or direction besides “Wait” I got the Rhema Psalm 27 :14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD then again did you just realize how I said he gave no answer and as I am typing this I realized that was an answer ….hence one that I am not trying to hear ( side note: uuugh…lol this is killing me Lord, he is probably like No Nana behind disobedient might..Eeeee LOL)
So I have been asking the Lord regarding his will concerning me moving out and a host of other things. I was going to renew my lease but had to be the Holy Spirit that nudged me to stop and seek the Lords will. Needless to say I have 16 days left and starting to get a anxious. Then strife began to rise up within a prayer meeting group I started as well, and as I caught the Lord for direction and wisdom in that. Then I began to have spiritual and physical lethargy, weakness and soreness in my body for the past two weeks. I just kept telling the Lord, I am so tired Lord, I am tired. Just feel like giving up let me just relax a little. If I can be honest what I was really saying was I am tired of praying and not hearing from you, tired of doing the prayer meeting, youtube channel, blog and not seeing any real fruit just feeling drained having nothing to pour out for the Youtube channel or even blog for that matter. It almost felt like my fire just was going out slowly. Just been dry. Tired of being at a job that I am not truly fulfilled blaaaah! (btw in tears I did tell the Lord all of these things on my heart) So sought the Lord for another rhema word and got spiritual warfare and ” Patience”
Isaiah 40 :31
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with twints like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint
I knew I couldn’t allow the enemies lies and tactics to take root in my mind and especially in my heart. So I went to youth service this past Tuesday honestly just for the worship. I told myself I would go for worship to be refreshed then go immediate home to spend time again in my prayer closet to war. I had no intension on listening to the message until the pastor began to speak about different season ins believers life and the season he was talking about was: The Battle. So that got my attention and I sat down which had to be by the Holy Spirit because the message was so convicting and not at all what I thought. The Lord was finally talking clearly to me or should I say I finally got it. I should know by now when the Lord seems distant of course he never is, he is right beside us but it is a test, to test our faithfulness. That’s exactly what the Tubleweed seasons are, a test in faithfulness. The Isrealites wondered for 40 years never entered into Gods promises for complaining and murmuring and that’s what I had been doing. Being so ungrateful, so frustrated, even angry. I realized that in the midst of me waiting, in the midst of oppression and in the midst of the emotions of my flesh I need to be faithful with all that the Lord had commissioned me to do.
Lord thank you for the privilege and honor it is to not only serve you but to do this crazy life WITH you. Help me to be faithful in all that you made me responsible over. Help me to have self control over my emotions and feelings which can stop me at times from being responsible. Give me the Grace to endure, preserver and wisdom to discern not only your will for my life, in all that I do but to discern good from evil so I may judge correctly those you have called me to lead . I pray that I would do ALL things unto you so today I proclaim that:
As I volunteer at the Welcome Center at Church- I will be on time, and go above and beyond to make all who enter into your sanctuary welcome
At my Job- I will be on time, a woman of integrity in action and in deed.Not working on other projects besides the work they pay me for and having my productivity reflect Christ
For Prayer meeting- I will praying all week for those who should attend, sensitive to your leading and instruction as to what to pray and how we should pray. I will follow up during the week with those who come as well to see how they are doing
For the Youtube Channel- I will be diligent & consistent with my messages, seeking your wisdom and your heart above the leading culture/trending news. That I would have a spirit of excellence to take this responsibility very seriously and teaching others how to know, serve and love you.
For the Blog- that I will be diligent & consistent to write a blog post every week, that I would be transparent and honest in my writing to encourage, and inspired many that God truly uses the weakest to do his business.
Lord help me to become a virtuous woman, full of love for you and others, full of wisdom, integrity & excellent in all that I do. Living a life submitted to you in obedience and unconditional trust in you. In Jesus name…..Help me Lord lol